To be irritated by friend’s remark about ADHD?

He's simply at a completely different stage of his ADHD journey to you. You shouldn't take anything he says about himself to be a reflection of you. Be very careful of this as it can have quite negative outcomes for you in general if you start trying to impose other people's comments (on any subject) about their own situation onto your situation. You must separate your ADHD ego (definition of the word ego is positive here) from their's.
Its also possible he has different characteristics which mean he is less comfortable with diagnosis to you.
Everyone moves at different paces, and everyone has their own characteristics that have been formed from the way they were nurtured. These will influence how comfortable they are with next steps, or how they may view medication as a support tool.

He was very supportive of you with the information you chose to share with him and then you very rudely tried to diagnose him and suggested he get a formal assessment.

He doesn't feel he is being seriously impacted IF he does have ADHD and so wouldn't take medication even if he was diagnosed and you are making it all about you.

You wanted a diagnosis and are benefitting from medication, which is great, but you can't respect that ADHD isn't the same experience for everyone and he is an adult quite capable of making his own decisions.

Be grateful for the benefits your choices have given you and leave him alone.

Fair enough. But in that case OP and others should stop offering armchair diagnoses and suggestions.

All these 'medication experts' pleased not to be taking a medicine they have never ever taken 😂😂.................

It has nothing to do with how severe someone’s ADHD is. It’s still personal choice to wether someone wants to be medicated or not. My ADHD totally ruins my life some days, I’m constantly hyperactive and can’t shut down/relax, my sleep can be pretty awful at time and my memory is awful but I don’t want to be medicated because I worry it will change the parts of ADHD that I actually like (mainly the hyper parts). That’s my choice, nothing to do with how severe my ADHD is or how it affects my life. Everyone has that choice and it doesn’t mater what they chose to do, it has nothing to do with anyone else other than them.

@CanadaNotAMum my post was entirely about me, and my perceptions for myself and how I am. It had absolutely nothing to do with anyone else, I’m not sure why you’d assume it did- it was quite clear.

it’s great that people find such success with medication, I’m totally open that that might be me one day, I’ve been tempted to try it to see what effect it could have on me but I decided I’d rather not (for now) for the reasons I’ve specified.

im lucky to not feel like I need it. As I said, my post was about me, not you or anyone else.

I feel the exact same way as your friend. I am pretty sure I have ADHD, but I don't see how a formal diagnosis will help me as I already know I am unwilling to take medication for it.

I have friends who are taking meds for their ADHD and never give it a second thought. His comment was about his personal choice and was in no way passing judgement on you. If my friend commented that maybe I should look at getting a diagnosis and medication though, I might feel pretty pissed off and would be wondering why they thought I was doing so badly at work that I would need medication to improve things! So maybe he feels the same way about your 'helpful' comments and thinks you should MYOB.

@AgeGapBbe I’m happy for you that your ADHD is mild enough that you can manage well without first line treatment. I would give years of my life to get shit done and be able to hold work and a relationship down at the same time. For those with moderate to severe ADHD, stimulant treatment is the most effective way of managing symptoms. Without treatment, people with ADHD are statistically more likely to due prematurely, more likely to be incarcerated, to have car accidents, more likely to be fired, and more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol.

Yes, it’s a stimulant, but if taken at the proper dose there is no “high”. I certainly don’t feel any different physically after I’ve taken it. Comments like referring to it as “hard drugs” only feed the stigma and cause shame. If you do ever find your symptoms becoming less manageable with age and do need medication, I’m afraid you will see how flippant comments like that can come across as needlessly judgemental.

I may have missed them but I don’t see any ableist comments on this thread?

Gah! Can't edit:

it's being diagnosed left, right and centre, everyone and their granny

Some seriously shitty ablist comments on here.

On the one hand, it's so hard to get a diagnosis, but on the other hand, it's being diagnosed!

People pay thousands to get answers, but apparently those answers aren't worth the paper they're written on.

It's the same with pip! It's really difficult to get pip, but those on it are probably faking and lazy!

Absolutely horrible to read all this.

I've been diagnosed with it. My therapist had to persuade me for over 2 years to go for an assessment. Why? Because of the stigma, because of how women are treated. Because no fucker even believes you when you do get diagnosed because I don't "look ND".

I am seriously sick of it.

OP, I'm glad you're diagnosed and medication helps you. Medication isn't for everyone. As someone else said, I don't want to fit into a NT world, I'd rather just find my tribe and be myself.

I am waiting for assessment for ADHD but really I’m not too bothered about getting a diagnosis as I don’t want medication. I’m only doing it because dd (20 and already diagnosed ASD) thinks I need a diagnosis.

Your friend explained why he doesn’t want a diagnosis, I don’t think he was implying that you were wrong to get one. Maybe he doesn’t feel it would make a difference to him? If he doesn’t want medication then there’s not much point getting a diagnosis.

You're being ridiculously sensitive. Would you have preferred he lied?

I'm diagnosed and refusing to be medicated. I too, don't want to be a lifelong medical patient. I stead I've used the diagnosis to know myself better and that is good enough for me.

You’re definitely over sensitive. If he’s happy with the way he is then more power to him.

I actually think it’s really rude for non-medical professionals to diagnose people with neurological disorders. Really rude. And odd. And actually medical professionals would never do this outside a medical setting so why someone who’s sat through a £600 45 minutes Zoom session think they can is beyond me.

Its akin to people trying to convert others to a religion, and it’s hard to say “fuck off”.

Id also advise you watch the recent Panorama documentary about private ADHD diagnoses. Very enlightening.

I agree. I think there is no denying that some neuro-diagnoses are seen as more desirable than others, and social media is a factor in this. Lots of people self-diagnosing adhd, but where are all the people self-diagnosing with other neurotypes? How many people think they have borderline personality disorder (which has overlapping diagnosis criteria with adhd such as traits of impulsivity, intense fear of rejection, and emotional dis-regulation)? Not the same 2 year NHS queues for that one, and to think that social media isn't a factor in the explosion of adhd referrals is naive.

I agree you overstepped. This would always be a really delicate subject to broach with a friend and it sounds like he handled it well.

Well said.

This exactly - there was a panorama programme about it. Someone had a private ADHD assessment with someone totally unqualified online and surprise surprise was diagnosed as having ADHD (some of the questions would literally apply to anyone - do you sometimes feel a bit anxious, do you sometimes get fidgety). The same person then had a 3 hour face to face NHS assessment and conclusion was that they perhaps displayed some of the traits, but didn't have ADHD.

Not sure i can think of a celeb who doesn't have it.... 😂

Lots of those celebrities, like Jonny Vegas, have suffered with mental health problems on and off for their entire lives and it's only when they seek and obtain diagnosis that they finally understand themselves better and begin to find happiness. The fact that these celebrities are doing this means that people like my 7yo dd realise it's ok to be different, but when your difficulties cause your mental breakdown then it's ok to seek help. And if that help only really comes off the back of a formal diagnosis, then I'm pleased that more people are pursuing it. The travesty is that so many have waited for so long for recognition and understanding and that, unlike celebrities, most do not have the means of getting diagnosis quickly enough and so their mental health continues to deteriorate.

Op, your decision is the right one for you. Your friend's decision is the right one for him. You shouldn't feel upset and offended by what he said because the ways in which different people choose to deal with their neurodivergence differs almost as much as their experience of how their neurodivergence affects their lives. Now my dd doesn't feel she has to fit into a specific box to be accepted, that might be enough for her - with our support - to manage some of the discomforts she experiences. Or, as she gets older, she may feel that she needs more than that. Or, she might even take a hybrid approach which a brilliant young psychologist I know takes - medication to manage the times when she's working and needs to maintain focus, taking breaks from the medication when she wishes to be her unfettered self.

I personally think that diagnosis is really important for lots of reasons. But it's a personal choice, and for lots of people (like my dh) it probably doesn't affect their life so much that they feel they need intervention.

I think you’re looking into it too much. He doesn’t feel it’s a problem for him so his choice is not to seek diagnosis to take medication. You felt a different way and for you medication has helped. Simple as.
I think I have adhd and don’t want to take medication and the amount of adhd’rs who take medication and take it as a personal insult that I do not wish to be medicated is worrying! I’m not insulting them just expressing my needs as they do theirs

Of course it's becoming more tested for, there are benefits attached to it.

A teacher phoned in to a talk show I was listening to the other week and said surprise surprise just after the diagnosis the forms started to arrive. Not saying this is you OP but it is happening.

I agree in parts.

It is becoming overdiagnosed though. To the extent that the general perception is changing. Everyone and their granny on social media claims to have it for what is essentially perfectly normal behaviour. It's the in thing and seen as cool.

Some private diagnoses aren't worth the paper they are written on either. I personally know a couple with a private diagnosis who are not disabled or indeed impacted in any way. This isn't my perception either, it's their own admission.

There seems to be a growing desire to want a label. For some it's just blatant attention seeking on social media and its disingenuous to not acknowledge this. Mental health issues quite possibly but ADHD no.

The public see this and conclude that its really not that bad. Leaving those who are severely impacted by ADHD overlooked and traumatised by medication shortages and ever growing waiting lists for clinical reviews.

The system needs an overhaul and personally I'd be in favour of a higher threshold for diagnosis restricted to the NHS and reputable private clinics only.

I'm with your friend on this. All these people have been cracking on in life absolutely fine, and suddenly in their 40s they want tested? Why? Seems pointless if they are getting in fine.
People need to stop putting people.in categories and groups and just accept that we all have different behaviours.

It's quite difficult to get a diagnosis on the NHS.

I've known people diagnosed privately where they've never even met the person diagnosing them. That's why many GP surgeries won't accept it.