Does anyone else's mum do this?!

No my mum always pays, even if I try to pay she’ll leave money in my car. It makes me feel awful as we have more money than she does.

@sparkleowl

Funnily enough my two adult dc are like yours

Twice in the last two months we've had family/sibling birthdays and I've been asked to order what siblings want and they transfer the funds yet I'm still waiting.

That was the final straw this month after months of coffee out trips and everyone dispersing while I just pay the bill

Sadly my parents are similar so I end up footing the bill both ends but I've stopped now.

The other night adult dc after I'd picked her up as her train was cancelled wanted to stop at a drive thru. She requested it,we got there,she then ordered and ordered for other dc (still a young teen)we got to the other side and she didn't even pull her card out just expected me to pay.
The realisation hit that im just too soft and being taken advantage of here.

Both my adult dc have a higher disposable income than me thanks to me finding things for them so of course they're going to expect it

So for the foreseeable I will no longer be doing it at all

I ordered some things on Amazon for my mum to aid her in recovering from a minor surgery.

She didn't even ask how much the items were or offered to re Imburse.

I just recently ended up footing the bill for a partial outbuilding fix they asked me to help sort out and I kick myself because they know full well I just let it go it's so frustrating.

I recently gifted them some money to treat themselves to a couple of meals out and they just seemed not appreciative or grateful and yet my useless sibling took a bunch of shop flowers down the other day and it's all she went on ablout even though I'd been and bought groceries to make things easier after the surgery as well as a bouquet of flowers.

Im going to have to get as tight as the kids and parents I think.

Im not funding them anymore

I am a mum and GM and 9 times out of 10 I pay. I don't do as much childcare now our GC are at school though.

My mum tends to wander away or get ‘distracted’ in restaurants or at events/when we are buying tickets and definitely assumes we’ll pay for her. She sometimes says she’ll pay me back, but often forgets. My PIL (who have a lot less financially) I have to fight to be allowed to pay and sidle up to places early to avoid them trying to treat us.
We are better off then both I think, but the difference is noticeable, and I can’t imagine not wanting to treat my two (who are both young adults now)

Even my mum though doesn’t get me to order stuff for her: that’s next level…

we can afford it so I just sign inwardly now, but if money was tighter I’d try and call her out I think: ‘ooh, I got last time didn’t I - are you ok to cover this?’ ‘Oh, those are your bits in the shopping aren’t they - shall I pop them here for you?’ It’s not fair on you :-(

your

I'd avoid going shopping or into cafes with you mum if possible.

That’s actually quite mercenary grabby behaviour op! Why do you agree to it?

So do mine, it’s like getting blood out of a stone so rarely get paid back.I now present them with the receipt and won’t take no for an answer.
Your Mum shouldn’t presume that you’ll pay, but agree it’s a difficult prob for you.
Try saying you’re a bit short just now, let’s go halves.

Nope. My dad loves to treat me so he will randomly order Amazon stuff
Or say come to Tesco and I'll pay for your shopping (I add stuff up as I'm on a tight budget and he said just get what you want and stop adding it in your head)

Although to add to mine and go against the grain my mum never accepts me paying but she also never pays for anything it's very much you pay for you / I will pay for me, she wouldn't ever offer to pay for things. In the past she's bought me things (I haven't asked for) then asked me for the money for it

Wow! My mum would almost fight me to pay for me! She genuinely loved to treat us. I love treating my kids. I think you should say you can't afford it or ask her to pay for her stuff.

Absolutely not. She's quite hard up for money but she's not a CF about it. She's more likely to be spending money she doesn't have on the kids.

my DD is 30 and I pay for everything if we go out ! ….she will occasionally buy a coffee or a breakfast but mainly it’s me that pays…..I buy lunch….buy her an outfit….a bag….her train fare ….tbf I always offer……my Mums 88 and she pays everything for me when we are out …,always has ….think that’s why I do it with my DD….If I couldn’t afford it I wouldn’t do it

@maria2bela1 are your disposable incomes similar?

No mine is the opposite, insists on paying. I let her sometimes and try and pre-pay for stuff like outings by card to thwart her…

In turn I will probably pay for my dc, although I will probably allow halves.

I’m the mum here and I try to pay. In a restaurant I went to the loo and DD tried to pay, she says I barreled out of the bathroom waving my card. She is trying to build a career in a foreign city I want to pay, can’t imagine when she is more established that it will change😂

No she always tries to pay. Tbh in my twenties I used to let her more than I probably should have done, though she is better off than me. Now in my 30s with two salaries coming into our household I always try to insist on paying, but she usually tries to fight me to pay, so ends up with her still paying a bit more often. But at least I pay sometimes now!

I'm the Mum and Gran, and no I do not do this.

I always paid for my mum, but she had no money and I was OK. I would deliberately get her to pick stuff for herself to put in the trolley at the supermarket and refuse to let her pay. Just depends on circumstances. My MIL would never let me pay for anything, which annoyed me a lot!

Snap.

We must have the same mum 😁

We have had debit card fights, of who can tap the card machine first.

My dad on the other hand - he never turns down a free pint when one of his children pays 😂

I have grown up children. I cannot imagine asking them to always pay, or ever really.

How much childcare does @maria2bela1 your mum do though? If it's an afternoon once a week, I think she's outrageous but if it's two days a week with sleepovers at the weekends, perhaps not so unreasonable if she's saving you lots of money and giving you regular me time.

This.

I knew my parents would like my DH when we went out (early dating) and DH and DF had a protracted fight about who would pay. Me and mum just sat and rolled our eyes.

With mum we take turns with both of us fighting to pay. Eventually evens out mostly.

If you're close can't you just say 'mum can you get this/go halves/pay for your stuff?' If there's enough familiarity for her to expect you to pay there's enough for you to tell her to get her own, surely? And no, I don't think many mums would do this unless they were struggling, their DC were well off, and the DC insisted.

No, both sets of parents are the opposite to this, they refuse to let us pay for things. We have to fight them in public to get them to let us pay, and they still usually win!! It's quite embarrassing but there is just no telling them. To be honest I can imagine I'll be the same way with my own adult children in the future and will prob not let them pay for things.

When your shopping put a basket in the trolley for her then unload it with a divider between. If she sends a link say great transfer the money and I'll order it....
But if she's doing regular childcare several times a week think about what your saving and just pay it.