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Original poster

is this a bit rude? Or just me?

159 replies

iamsoshocked · 12/06/2024 17:36

Just got home from work, and DD (19 home from Uni) and 2 friends are at the kitchen table. One friend is veggie, the other has allergy to egg.

I came in, said hello, nice to see you again etc, to which they just replied "Hi". Then I asked if anyone was staying for tea? And they both literally just said "no".
Not "no thank you", or anything, just "no".
I said, "ok, well you're both very welcome to stay in you'd like to." Which was met with silence.

So I walked off.

Rude? Or have I just had a bad day at work?

OP posts:
Idontjetwashthefucker · 12/06/2024 19:32

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Jeannie88 · 12/06/2024 19:32

Yes, rude. A friend of my DS has never said please or thank you. They have a difficult background so I haven't pulled them up on it but really have to bite my tongue! Xx

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 12/06/2024 19:29

Ignorant brats! I'd be having a word with you dd and in future wouldn't tolerate such a lack of manners and would tell them to leave. They need consequences or will never learn. Too old to be excused for being 'young and clueless/shy'.

NoSnowdrop · 12/06/2024 19:27

Of course they were rude. Awful behaviour. It’s a shame so many people don’t bother to teach their kids manners. I wouldn’t offer again.

i thought you mentioned the dietary requirements because it shows you couldn’t just whip out a spag Bol or omelette and would have to think more about what you could offer them. The ungrateful rude brats.

gamerchick · 12/06/2024 19:26

iamsoshocked · 12/06/2024 18:03

Glad it wasn't just me then. They're still here, so will talk to DD after they've left. One of them is here a lot, and stays over a lot, and often doesn't say "thank you for letting me stay" or words to that effect. Once she just walked out without even saying "Bye". DD said. "oh, that's just how she is".

I hope DD has better manners than that when she's at other people's houses.

I'd be knocking that on the head. Rude people don't get to stay.

Roundroundthegarden · 12/06/2024 19:25

My 8yo had a rude friend over and he even pulled him up when he was rude. A 19yo being so rude, unacceptable.

Roundroundthegarden · 12/06/2024 19:23

LonginesPrime · 12/06/2024 17:38

It might be rudeness, but I guess you don't know what they were discussing before you walked in - it might have been a really heavy conversation or something and they might have just felt awkward.

And this is why so many rude shits around, people excuse big grown 19yo with laughable reasons like this. They were so rude.

Original poster
iamsoshocked · 12/06/2024 19:20

errrm - I'm not sure why I mentioned the allergies either tbh! I suppose in my mind I was thinking "what can I make for tea avoiding eggs and meat". Not relevant of course as the answer was "no."

OP posts:
RaininSummer · 12/06/2024 18:50

Very rude.

Pianochairs · 12/06/2024 18:48

HeHeHeDidIt · 12/06/2024 17:42

Rude.

The last time I asked DS 19 how many were staying for tea, one newcomer laughed ‘you’re joking’. I think they weren’t socialised properly or something what with lockdown 🙄. I thought they were bloody rude.
His usual friends are lovely and always say ‘yes please/that would be lovely’ when I ask if they are eating and say ‘thanks for the food’ as they leave.
Some people just have no manners.

I don't even understand why he'd respond that way??

Opinionwontchangeluv · 12/06/2024 18:47

Rude but ignore

TomatoSandwiches · 12/06/2024 18:43

I would have asked my DD " I hope you're not as rude as your friends are when you visit their home? " and then suggested they can leave now.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 12/06/2024 18:38

Mrcrabsleg · 12/06/2024 18:30

Op says:

I came in, said hello, nice to see you again etc, to which they just replied "Hi". Then I asked if anyone was staying for tea? And they both literally just said "no".

If you’re asked if you’re staying for tea, then that implies that the host is going to be good enough to feed you at which point you politely decline and say no thank you. Unless your are spoilt, entitled or have been brought up with no manners whatsoever.

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I think it's the latter, and that good manners is a dying thing.
It's a shame to be honest because it's literally the easiest thing to install in your children , even if your child is a brat, saying please, thank and sorry will change the way people see you.

ScarlettSunset · 12/06/2024 18:35

Mrcrabsleg · 12/06/2024 18:30

Op says:

I came in, said hello, nice to see you again etc, to which they just replied "Hi". Then I asked if anyone was staying for tea? And they both literally just said "no".

If you’re asked if you’re staying for tea, then that implies that the host is going to be good enough to feed you at which point you politely decline and say no thank you. Unless your are spoilt, entitled or have been brought up with no manners whatsoever.

Show quote history

Well I would have taken the question totally at face value and just answered it. Kind of like how I would have answered if I'd been asked something like 'are you going to the pub later?'
It's not that I don't have manners, I just assume that what someone says is actually what they meant and wouldn't read anything else into it.

GivingCrapAdviceSince1973 · 12/06/2024 18:32

Just got home from work, and DD (19 home from Uni) and 2 friends are at the kitchen table. One friend is veggie, the other has allergy to egg.

Just curious as to why you mentioned their allergies.

Mrcrabsleg · 12/06/2024 18:30

ScarlettSunset · 12/06/2024 18:26

This is what I think too. It comes across as a question and not an invitation, so 'no' is a perfectly acceptable answer. If it was worded as 'would you like to stay for tea?' then that's different and would have warranted a 'no thank you'.
It didn't sound like you were offering them anything so they didn't feel a need to add the 'thank you ' on the end.

Show quote history

Op says:

I came in, said hello, nice to see you again etc, to which they just replied "Hi". Then I asked if anyone was staying for tea? And they both literally just said "no".

If you’re asked if you’re staying for tea, then that implies that the host is going to be good enough to feed you at which point you politely decline and say no thank you. Unless your are spoilt, entitled or have been brought up with no manners whatsoever.

ScarlettSunset · 12/06/2024 18:26

BardsAreAssholes · 12/06/2024 18:07

Your enquiry didn’t sound like an invitation, it sounded like a question. They weren’t planning on staying, so responded No.

This is what I think too. It comes across as a question and not an invitation, so 'no' is a perfectly acceptable answer. If it was worded as 'would you like to stay for tea?' then that's different and would have warranted a 'no thank you'.
It didn't sound like you were offering them anything so they didn't feel a need to add the 'thank you ' on the end.

EatCrow · 12/06/2024 18:26

BardsAreAssholes · 12/06/2024 18:07

Your enquiry didn’t sound like an invitation, it sounded like a question. They weren’t planning on staying, so responded No.

Really? Is this you being the new low-bar cool or are you being deliberately obtuse? One never knows on here.

edit, missed a letter.

dizzydizzydizzy · 12/06/2024 18:26

iamsoshocked · 12/06/2024 18:03

Glad it wasn't just me then. They're still here, so will talk to DD after they've left. One of them is here a lot, and stays over a lot, and often doesn't say "thank you for letting me stay" or words to that effect. Once she just walked out without even saying "Bye". DD said. "oh, that's just how she is".

I hope DD has better manners than that when she's at other people's houses.

Maybe they are very spoilt. My friend's kids are like that but when I have seen them with the parents, I can see why. They are 19 and expect to be waited on hand foot and finger. Mum still has to make them their lunchtime sandwiches. If she is going out, she leaves them on the fridge..

When they were at school, they refused to walk to and from the bus stop which was about 10 minutes away.

EatCrow · 12/06/2024 18:24

Idontjetwashthefucker · 12/06/2024 17:43

Tough tits, doesn't excuse lack of manners

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That’s right, how hard is it to say thanks?

GoodHeavens99 · 12/06/2024 18:21

BardsAreAssholes · 12/06/2024 18:07

Your enquiry didn’t sound like an invitation, it sounded like a question. They weren’t planning on staying, so responded No.

The answer is still 'no thank you'.

BardsAreAssholes · 12/06/2024 18:07

Your enquiry didn’t sound like an invitation, it sounded like a question. They weren’t planning on staying, so responded No.

Doingmybest12 · 12/06/2024 18:04

Perhaps your first question felt like more of a statement ,not would you like to? It was are you, either answer could be wrong. then it was more obvious you were offering after the second statement, by then they'd answered less politely amd they were in a fix hence the silence. If they are generally nice friends, don't over think it.

Original poster
iamsoshocked · 12/06/2024 18:03

Glad it wasn't just me then. They're still here, so will talk to DD after they've left. One of them is here a lot, and stays over a lot, and often doesn't say "thank you for letting me stay" or words to that effect. Once she just walked out without even saying "Bye". DD said. "oh, that's just how she is".

I hope DD has better manners than that when she's at other people's houses.

OP posts:
DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 12/06/2024 18:03

Idontjetwashthefucker · 12/06/2024 17:53

Visitors? They were her child's friends, they need manners not extra attention, especially as OP was offering to make their tea

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they were visitors - just look up the definition of this - I'm not having a go at you but just trying to educate you so you don't make the same mistake again.