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AIBU?

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Original poster

is this a bit rude? Or just me?

159 replies

iamsoshocked · 12/06/2024 17:36

Just got home from work, and DD (19 home from Uni) and 2 friends are at the kitchen table. One friend is veggie, the other has allergy to egg.

I came in, said hello, nice to see you again etc, to which they just replied "Hi". Then I asked if anyone was staying for tea? And they both literally just said "no".
Not "no thank you", or anything, just "no".
I said, "ok, well you're both very welcome to stay in you'd like to." Which was met with silence.

So I walked off.

Rude? Or have I just had a bad day at work?

OP posts:
greengreyblue · 12/06/2024 22:42

Of course they should say more than no. Not even ‘no thank you ‘ but maybe a ‘ Oh no it’s ok we’re going home in a while.’ Would be better than a blunt ‘no’.
DM always said manners are there so you always know what to say. Basically they are a script. No excuse.

UnNiddeRides · 12/06/2024 22:36

gibblegobblegoo · 12/06/2024 22:22

I came in, said hello, nice to see you again etc, to which they just replied "Hi". Then I asked if anyone was staying for tea? And they both literally just said "no".
Not "no thank you", or anything, just "no".

You asked them if anyone was staying for tea, and they responded with “no.” What’s wrong with the reply they gave you? Why on earth would they respond with “no, thank you.” It’s like if you asked them if they were going to the cinema, and they responded with “no, thank you.” It’s not like you explicitly invited them to stay for tea, and so they respond with a “no, thank you.” Their understanding of your question was correct. They’re right. You’re wrong.

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Well, if they were staying for tea the OP would be making it. If they were going to see a film she wouldn’t be manning the snack bar or scanning in their ticket.

greengreyblue · 12/06/2024 22:34

Rude

Calliopespa · 12/06/2024 22:33

gibblegobblegoo · 12/06/2024 22:22

I came in, said hello, nice to see you again etc, to which they just replied "Hi". Then I asked if anyone was staying for tea? And they both literally just said "no".
Not "no thank you", or anything, just "no".

You asked them if anyone was staying for tea, and they responded with “no.” What’s wrong with the reply they gave you? Why on earth would they respond with “no, thank you.” It’s like if you asked them if they were going to the cinema, and they responded with “no, thank you.” It’s not like you explicitly invited them to stay for tea, and so they respond with a “no, thank you.” Their understanding of your question was correct. They’re right. You’re wrong.

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Huh?!

Calliopespa · 12/06/2024 22:32

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 12/06/2024 18:03

they were visitors - just look up the definition of this - I'm not having a go at you but just trying to educate you so you don't make the same mistake again.

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Your charity knows no bounds.

Watchthedoormat · 12/06/2024 22:24

They were rude. Simple.

gibblegobblegoo · 12/06/2024 22:24

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gibblegobblegoo · 12/06/2024 22:22

iamsoshocked · 12/06/2024 17:36

Just got home from work, and DD (19 home from Uni) and 2 friends are at the kitchen table. One friend is veggie, the other has allergy to egg.

I came in, said hello, nice to see you again etc, to which they just replied "Hi". Then I asked if anyone was staying for tea? And they both literally just said "no".
Not "no thank you", or anything, just "no".
I said, "ok, well you're both very welcome to stay in you'd like to." Which was met with silence.

So I walked off.

Rude? Or have I just had a bad day at work?

I came in, said hello, nice to see you again etc, to which they just replied "Hi". Then I asked if anyone was staying for tea? And they both literally just said "no".
Not "no thank you", or anything, just "no".

You asked them if anyone was staying for tea, and they responded with “no.” What’s wrong with the reply they gave you? Why on earth would they respond with “no, thank you.” It’s like if you asked them if they were going to the cinema, and they responded with “no, thank you.” It’s not like you explicitly invited them to stay for tea, and so they respond with a “no, thank you.” Their understanding of your question was correct. They’re right. You’re wrong.

MNHQ
ClaraMumsnet · 12/06/2024 22:17

Hello,

The OP is here for support - can we please keep the thread on topic?

Thanks all.

Fiery30 · 12/06/2024 21:36

Your daughter's friends were rude. It is matter of respect on how you talk to someone older, doesn't matter whether it was an enquiry or invitation.

MrsJackThornton · 12/06/2024 21:10

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Original poster
iamsoshocked · 12/06/2024 20:07

I see the point that what I said was ambiguous.
I guess on here you can't hear the tone of my voice or my expression (not that that helps autistic people I realise - I have an ASD dc, so I get that.)
But these two friends, one I know well, the other not so well, I would have expected to pick up on the tone and expression that it was a question. I feed the frequent friend often!
@ScarlettSunset Don't worry. I think if people know you are autistic, then they understand you are not being rude, and realise that what they said warranted that answer!

Anyway, they've just left, so i need to chat with DD.

OP posts:
ScarlettSunset · 12/06/2024 19:58

@LonginesPrime
That's exactly it. I would be horrified they thought I would impose like that.

LonginesPrime · 12/06/2024 19:49

ScarlettSunset · 12/06/2024 19:40

Ok.
Please can someone help me out here? I'll admit I'm autistic and I just wouldn't consider it rude to answer that question with a simple 'no'. I would consider it rude to just turn up to someone's house and expect to eat there without having been invited well in advance, so I wouldn't even be expecting to be asked.
I struggle with things like this where everyone is saying it's rude as I don't see it as an invitation, more like a statement.
I suspect people must think I'm extremely rude and insulting a lot of the time now...

This is kind of what I was thinking too - if someone said "are you staying for dinner?" I might have interpreted it as "it's the family's dinner time, and you're outstaying your welcome as you know you haven't been invited for dinner" and so I would probably have just said "no" to reassure them that I wasn't expecting to be fed.

I also wouldn't have said "no thank you" unless I was 100% sure they were actually offering to feed me, as I'd worry it would look really presumptuous and rude to assume they were offering me dinner if they were actually trying to point out that I'm outstaying my welcome.

ScarlettSunset · 12/06/2024 19:49

MrsJackThornton · 12/06/2024 19:48

In that senario I would say no but thank you, as in no but thank you for asking

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Thank you for replying. I shall try that next time I think I might be in a similar situation. That's really helpful

MrsJackThornton · 12/06/2024 19:48

ScarlettSunset · 12/06/2024 19:45

No.
I would literally take the question as 'are you doing xyz?' and would answer 'no' because that's the answer. If they said 'do you want to...' or 'would you like to...' I would definitely say either 'yes please' or 'no thank you' as I understand that as an invitation to do something.

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In that senario I would say no but thank you, as in no but thank you for asking

Idontjetwashthefucker · 12/06/2024 19:47

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This is why some are against men on here, most of them are decent but you get one bad penny and it ruins it for the rest

PoisonMaple · 12/06/2024 19:47

iamsoshocked · 12/06/2024 17:36

Just got home from work, and DD (19 home from Uni) and 2 friends are at the kitchen table. One friend is veggie, the other has allergy to egg.

I came in, said hello, nice to see you again etc, to which they just replied "Hi". Then I asked if anyone was staying for tea? And they both literally just said "no".
Not "no thank you", or anything, just "no".
I said, "ok, well you're both very welcome to stay in you'd like to." Which was met with silence.

So I walked off.

Rude? Or have I just had a bad day at work?

I would have responded with, 'let's try that again.....'

MrsJackThornton · 12/06/2024 19:45

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ScarlettSunset · 12/06/2024 19:45

Idontjetwashthefucker · 12/06/2024 19:42

Wouldn't you think a thank you was warranted?

Show quote history

No.
I would literally take the question as 'are you doing xyz?' and would answer 'no' because that's the answer. If they said 'do you want to...' or 'would you like to...' I would definitely say either 'yes please' or 'no thank you' as I understand that as an invitation to do something.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 12/06/2024 19:42

ScarlettSunset · 12/06/2024 19:40

Ok.
Please can someone help me out here? I'll admit I'm autistic and I just wouldn't consider it rude to answer that question with a simple 'no'. I would consider it rude to just turn up to someone's house and expect to eat there without having been invited well in advance, so I wouldn't even be expecting to be asked.
I struggle with things like this where everyone is saying it's rude as I don't see it as an invitation, more like a statement.
I suspect people must think I'm extremely rude and insulting a lot of the time now...

Wouldn't you think a thank you was warranted?

Idontjetwashthefucker · 12/06/2024 19:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ScarlettSunset · 12/06/2024 19:40

Ok.
Please can someone help me out here? I'll admit I'm autistic and I just wouldn't consider it rude to answer that question with a simple 'no'. I would consider it rude to just turn up to someone's house and expect to eat there without having been invited well in advance, so I wouldn't even be expecting to be asked.
I struggle with things like this where everyone is saying it's rude as I don't see it as an invitation, more like a statement.
I suspect people must think I'm extremely rude and insulting a lot of the time now...

MrsJackThornton · 12/06/2024 19:38

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 12/06/2024 18:03

they were visitors - just look up the definition of this - I'm not having a go at you but just trying to educate you so you don't make the same mistake again.

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How rude!

I don't think that poster needs mansplaining educating by you

PeonyAndBlushSuede · 12/06/2024 19:38

They were rude.

However, I might get flamed for this but … I think this is how many of ‘Gen Z’ are. (The younger end. The teens still). Very blunt and disinterested with anyone older than them and anything that doesn’t involve phones, TikTok etc.

I see it in shops all the time. Teens and students not using their manners, not using eye contact with people serving them. Social media has ruined social interactions.