is this a bit rude? Or just me?

It wasn’t an actual invitation to eat though, it was a query so it is somewhat ambiguous. I’m very hot on good manners and my Gen Z kids both have very good manners. I’m trying to visualise if I were at a friend’s house and their husband walked in and casually asked me if I was staying for dinner - I would probably say, “oh no in fact I’ll be leaving at … “ or something similar, because i wouldn’t assume it was an invitation and saying thank you would make it sound like I did assume that. I wouldn’t just say a blank ‘no’ (even though that’s meant to be a complete sentence?) I’d pad it out with some niceties (but not necessarily a thank you).

If it was a question, not an invitation 🙄🙄🙄the polite response was 'No I'm not thank you'

no wasn't polite anyway you cut it

That poster was asking a question so that she could understand what others do in that senario. She wasn't gaslighting and she was perfectly polite.

If you are trying to convince you understand manners and rudeness better than that poster I'm not sure you are winning...

Kids often pick up whats going on at home and those could be good or bad manners. However, as you know this is not always the case. Kids pick-up stuff from mates and often attracted to likeminded friends

There is a small chance the two visitors were shy or talking something deep or as may be the case (not referring to op) the parents kid has been slagging of their parent/s/step parents etc

Either way, kids are getting rudder IMO possibly down to their mass of interaction on social media and texting as I find texting can result in short responses to the point and no feelings attached to them
Kids could be shy and their "no" came with a tone of many thanks but on the whole, more kids are rude

Its rude. Nothing to do with syndromes.

This is exactly my thinking too! Looking back I think my friends' parents must have thought I was awfully rude on many an occasion when I was a teen, when really I was just befuddled trying to work out if what they'd said was a sincere invitation, a coerced invitation, a straight-up enquiry, or a hint to bugger off! No neurodivergence as far as I'm aware, but the same phrase said with the same tone of voice could potentially be any one of those four things.

It's rude. They probably think they're being cool. My DD's 13 year old friends always say please and thank you.

Rude, but the way of the world. Please and Thank You missing from so many interactions.

I think people are being brought up without manners now. I find it so strange. A please / thank you should somehow be an automatism by the time they are adults.
I‘ve lived all over and manners in the UK are a cultural phenomenon and frankly it makes me sad that this seems to be dying out. My nieces are in their early twenties and have zero manners - even in very polite company. I get embarrassed for them. I’ve drilled my kids and luckily they aren’t like that. It is not too much to ask for your visitors to treat you with respect and courtesy as you have shown them.

Speak for yourself. I've honestly never come across anyone who's said 'Are you staying for tea?' and meant 'Bugger off.' When I was a kid adults would say things like 'We're having our tea soon, so you'll need to go home.'

'Exactly, OP didn't offer them something or do something for them, she asked a question. The answer was 'no'.'

Is that how you speak to people? Were you ever taught manners and how to interact?
Or are you just goading?
Her house, her table. How do you think they would have taken 'Out!'

Agree.

RUDE!

All the people making elaborate excuses for their rudeness - the parents who bring children up to be like this.

But the OP wouldn't have been catering for them at the pub. If someone asks if you're having tea at their house, they're likely to be asking so they'll know whether to cook for them or not. The obvious answer is 'thank you, but no.'
And when your friend's mother says 'hello, nice to see you again' (if ANYONE says that actually), obviously you reply along the lines of 'Hi, yes good to see you.'
I was still cripplingly shy and awkward at this sort of age, but I could still manage these basics.
I don't know where some people on this thread get off, to be quite honest. If some adults think it's OK to speak to people like this then presumably that's what they're passing on to their kids, and that's why teens like this are so rude; they've never been taught basic manners.

Exactly, OP didn't offer them something or do something for them, she asked a question. The answer was 'no'.

Also everyone responding has ZERO context of how OP's tone may have come off, usually when people poise a question like that its a passive aggressive way to say 'time for your friends to bugger off so I can eat in peace'.

You are correct. One word answers that should have a' thanks' or 'please' attached to them are rude.

I imagine one day they will be able to teach a pig to say 'No' bluntly and, if you ever hear of such experiments, forward the scientists the names of these ignorant wee shits and tell them that you have already found talking pigs at your own kitchen table.

I imagine anyone on here excusing their behaviour is of the same ilk.

At 19, I'd have said no thank you my mum's expecting me but thank you for the offer, and probably at least involved you in our conversation in some way or asked how you were (assuming say, we were sitting around the kitchen table and you came in and I knew you really well.) I think they were really rude.

I can remember when I was a teenager my mum would get very annoyed at what she perceived as rudeness from some of my friends, and I'd always fob it off with something like "oh that's the way they are," or some terrible teenage trauma that excused their behaviour. I cringe now. She was right. And my Mum was the most liberal, flexible, hands off Mum ever!

They were rude and disrespectful.
Even if they were not sure if it was an invitation, it clearly called for more than a 'no'.
If you were at work and were asked 'Are you having a coffee?' would you just say
'No'? It's like getting a conversational slap.
No wonder these brats get away with it if these apologists/goady idiots on here are the parents.
Thing is, behave like that, and your invitations and offers diminish.

They certainly weren't polite.

I can't believe you said that about a poster who asked for advice on the topic because she has autism. Her different understanding of the issue isn't 'gaslighting'. You're disgusting.

And this thread goes to show why we have and would continue to have kids without manners, teens without manners and in turn, adults without manners.

How strange. Teens are usually very polite to other people's parents! I'd say it's good they weren't staying. I'd not offer them a meal again.
I'm not sure what their dietary preferences have to do with it though?

That's very rude indeed and disrespectful.I find a lot of young people I have encountered have no manners.I was only saying the other day ,I find it a lot in supermarkets,its almost like your inconveniencing them when you ask for assistance.I hate rudeness.

I also saw your question as a question, not an invitation tbh. But they do sound a little abrupt. I would have maybe smiled and said ‘ah i’m heading off home in a bit for dinner’, but not sure i would have said thank you unless you said ‘would you like to stay for dinner’.