Dh doesn't like my son and wants him to leave

I wouldn't move my son out because my new DH prefers his own child, especially as your son may have complex feelings about his past.

Leave the nest? The fella was never in the nest. He moved out as a baby. He has spent a grand total of 7 years "at home".

And many kids are staying later at home due to cost of living crisis.

How is he supposed to save up if he rents? Do you know what his long-term plans are?

That's so sad that your DH is competitive with him. Your poor DS.

What do you think is really going on? Is your DH jealous of your DS? What is eating away at him really?

Is it you don't get to spend quality time together anymore? Is it like having a third wheel?

All the same, you can't chuck your poor DS out. I'm sure he's getting ready to make the move at some point.

I sort of see DH's point. Your DS is a grown man, he's 24. It's not unreasonable to expect him to leave the nest soon. Plenty of parents would not want a 24 year old at home. Maybe start to gently enquire what DS' plans are?

DD is my number one priority in everything and would come before any man. Your DH is unreasonable.

No, he’s been living with them for 7 years. He moved in when he was 17. He was 12 when OP, by then in her late 20s, got married but still didn’t fancy looking after her own child. The poor lad has had 7 years with his mother, who is now wondering if she should hoof him out again.
For the first 17 years of his life you took no responsibility for him OP. You say you “still had regular contact with him” despite having kids with your new husband - as if this is something special! I think we all expect to have regular contact with our kids.
He works, pays his way, and gets on with his half brothers. What does this poor young man have to do to be wanted?

I actually think it’s really nice that you and your son get time living with each other now. Really lovely in fact.

I agree with this.

Also. Yes he earns and contributes, but is it enough to support himself? It can be hard for a young person to be self sufficient these days.

It's much harder for young people to afford to move out these days.

My son would have to come before my husband

This is not the usual situation of a twenty four year old being brought up with parents and not moving out when some move out.

This is a man who has lived elsewhere for years, away from his mum, possibly no relationship with his dad, and clearly wants to be with his mum now. It needs treating as a different situation because it is a different situation.

I imagine by this he just sees a competitive male figure and he doesn't know what role to play.
maybe I’m an arse, but I just cba with this from your dp. There’s no competitiveness, it’s a man who’s missed out on a lot of years being able to live with his mum, if he doesn’t know how to act around that without getting the hump, he needs to get a grip really. The role to play would be supportive bf of you having this time with your son and not treating your son differently, but he knows the role to play, he just doesn’t want to play that role.

Exactly.

Never would any man come between me and my child. Never. A decent man would never try.

For me my DC would come above my DH any day of the week. He knew you had a DS when you got together so yes, he did sign up to this.

Given your past I wouldn't be asking him to leave. Your dh sounds jealous and threatened. That behaviour would make me irritated. An inconfident man is very unattractive. So is a man who can't accept he is your son and his family. Given your son contributes, is not difficult to live with, the issue is your dh. Can't he see the damage this would do to your ds' feelings and yours? He doesn't care. That's selfish. Another reason to ditch him.

Why didn't he move in with you when he was younger ? Especially as you went on to have more kids? . If you ask him to leave then you are just putting him second all over again.
Is he saving for a deposit or mentioning any long term plans to you?
Rent prices are terrible at the minute, unless he rents a room.

I would say DH has been very accommodating and it’s time the 24 year old man to move out and stand on his own two feet.

Is there a reason why you didn't bring your son to live with you when or before you got married? It must have been so hard for the boy to see his mother have a life and start a whole other family without him. It's understandable at 16 not being able to look after him, but you were nearly 30 when you married your husband.

I really don't think much of your DH. He was happy to leave a young child out of your family, so of course he doesn't want him around now. In my opinion, if your DH isn't happy with the situation, he can leave.

It’s understandable he’s not thrilled. It’s also understandable he’s going to have to be a grown up and deal with it. If it really didn’t occur to him that his wife might eventually want her own son to become a bigger part of her life, up to and including living with her, then his real problem is that he married before he had the maturity to understand the ramifications.

And when you marry someone who already has a child, it’s generally expected that child will become part of your “own family.”

Your poor ds. He lived elsewhere whilst you were young and totally understandable and now time with his mum your husband doesn't want him there. A child is for life. He is 24 but had a uncertain early life so sounds like enjoying time with his mum now.

How about you stop policing her language?

It's not just about whether or not he should have flown the nest by now though is it.

OP said he's never really taken to him, he treats him differently to their two other children, gets annoyed by him and is constantly moaning about him behind his back.

I doubt the issue is that he's 24 now, it sounds like he's never really wanted him in the picture