Dh doesn't like my son and wants him to leave

In fairness, unless you have a bunch of kids or a pretty high paying job not many moveout in their early to mid 20s (unless its to go uni) nowadays.

I don't think you should force him out else the relationship you have built with your son will suffer. He contributes financially and gets on with his half siblings so i dont see the problem, has something happened in the house thats made your dh take such a dislike to him or has he never really accepted him?You need to have this out with DH I'm afraid.

Get your head out tge clouds and look around there are more young adults living with there parents now than ever before!!! Why because they simply can not afford to move out rent prices ridiculous mortgages impossible wages shockingly low!!!

I think the best option here is for dh to grow up and stop trying to force his wife into some twisted “Sophie’s choice” over which of her children she wants a relationship with.

And make no mistake. That is the choice here. No matter what the reasons for giving up the child 17 years ago, he will not forgive her for turning her back on him a second time.

@ItsFuckingBoringFeedingEveryoneUntilYouDie that’s irrelevant really. Her DH is showing no consideration for the OP and putting huge amounts of pressure on her. If her DS moves out and their relationship suffers, she will resent her DH and they will split up anyway.

Agree with this. My kids would always come first and I couldn’t love a man who didn’t like my child. It would be so painful for a child to have their mother choose a man over them and your DH is behaving appallingly to put you in this position.

I imagine a lot of posters don’t have grown up children and think that they magically become adults at eighteen.

Nothing op is saying makes any sense to me.
You had a kid gave him to someone else to care for went on to marry and have more kids.
Husband don't like your first child.
Child moves back with mum when he's a teen now husband wants him out because he likes to chat to everyone in the evening.
I hope he goes no contact with all of you.

I strongly suspect as she had regular contact that the "relative" was the child's father who had custody and the son only returned to his mother when he was old enough to leave home.

I don’t know anyone who moved out at 24!

Are all the people saying OP's H is a cunt, show him the door, my kids come first etc all missing that she also has two younger kids? She has missed most of her first child's childhood. If she boots her husband out, she misses half her younger children's childhoods too. Which kid/s come first?

None of us will ever know properly how and why the situation arose that a relative raised OP's son, and why it was decided it was best for him to stay there once she married. All that matters is that everyone did their best at that moment in time.

I know this is AIBU, but stop being so black and white about this one. There are no 'winners' here whatever the outcome.

I have seen threads where the step mother is fed up of a mid twenties adult step son living with them and the answers are very different. Also is there an end in sight? Will
he ever move out? I can see the mother’s point of view but don’t think the stepdad entirely unreasonable either.

A child is never a past mistake.

A bit late to start putting him first in her life though. It seems that people are expecting her husband to be uncomfortable in his home because of her past mistakes.

If I suggested to DH that his DS should move out now he's in his 20s I would rightfully expect him to tell me to fuck off and ask me to leave instead.

Your DH is a twat.

1. why didn't you have your son home earlier when you went on to have more kids. 2)did you keep him a secret from your husband. 3)So many things you haven't answered. 4)your husband is a dick.

You haven't answered the questions about why you didn't move your son in when you got married when your son was 12, so there may well be good reasons to that.

But if I was your DH, I'd be expecting you to take in your son at that time if not earlier, i.e. when he was 12 and you were married and stable. I would find it hard to marry someone who didn't want their child living with them when able to look after them, unless there was good reason.

I can however understand why now, as your son is 24, it must be hard for your DH if your son is around a lot with the two of you in the evenings. Your son however probably relishes the chance to bond with you, and is making up for the childhood time he lost with you.

And if your DS leaves? What will DH find to complain about then?

There are a lot of questions... like is there space for 3 adults in the house? Is your son disrespectful to dh? Does dh think ds is some kinda threat to other dc's, is living with you holding DS back socially?

There's no way this is a simple yabu/yanbu

This

Completely agree

If the DH were a decent man, he wouldn't have even voiced his grumbles but would be pleased for the OP that she had forged a good relationship with her DS and he would be doing his best to support, encourage and nurture a young adult who is sibling to his own kids.

I will bet a significant amount of money that he won't be bitching about his own DCs and making them move out.

Your husband is a cunt
Wether your son lived with you or not he knew you had him, ask him if he is going to make your other two children move out when they're older.
Personally I'd tell him if you don't like it you know where the door is.

So, what was the reason that you didn't take your son back then?

Was he settled with the family he was with?

I would want my son to stay if that was what he wanted to do. If your son is working, contributing to the family finances. It’s tough renting and sharing flats. Can you agree a timeline with your son to encourage him to save for his future. Lots of adult kids live with their parents these days. Your husband needs to be more understanding.

This 100%

I'm sorry but your husband did sign up for this - unless you kept your son a secret until after you got married. Children, even adult ones, are still part of the family and we have to treat all of them the same - and I say that as a step mother. These days people are living at home longer through necessity but it sounds like your son also enjoys having his relationship.with his mother back as well, it would be a very harsh person who couldn't understand that.

I'm very much 'kids first' though - against anyone, even my own husband, as long as they aren't doing anything wrong and your son isn't. Kicking him out when he's just stable with his mum - well that's pretty harsh.