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AIBU?

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My daughters dad and his epilepsy

80 replies

leavingabusetoday · 12/06/2024 15:40

I understand epilepsy is a very hard condition which fully takes over someone’s life. However and I’m ready to be called all sorts of words but I need to understand if I need to look at myself or if my feeling are valid.

my daughter is 2 soon and I have never had a night off he will come here to spend the night but won’t have her anywhere else. He said his mum says no but when I asked his mum she said I kept cancelling (I had no idea of any arranged and As she doesn’t know the truth doesn’t want to be involved which is fair not her job to have her child. The thing is it’s not just over nights he won’t even take her out so I can have a bath (I bath with her as she never leaves my side) and I don’t get 20 minutes to get a cup of tea.

now normally his reason is he’s having sezures which is where the epilepsy comes in however he also never sends me money again saying he would and on the money days when he is coming to drop it off he has a sezure (he works cash in hand so going to child maintenance would do no help).

I do believe he has sezures but do his sezures over right my need of a break and money. He still goes to the pub and lives a life he isn’t bed ridden otherwise I would know I was being a dick. I also have CLL (a chronic cancer) however it’s so early I have no symptoms except lumps but I do get exhausted and I’m struggling with my dignosed (I’ve missed scans to lack of childcare and he is her dad. My other support is my sister who’s a teacher who can’t take time off my mum who has lung cancer stage 4 and my dad who’s getting tested for dementia however I’m sure it’s just the stress that’s making him forgetful.

sorry to massively over share he called me abusive for not caring about his epilepsy and that he’s struggling and has huge health issues and I don honestly really care we had a child together but why does his over take mine.

OP posts:
MumHouseDilemma · 12/06/2024 15:52

Is he taking medication for his seizures?
do they affect his ability to work? If not, I’d probably call him out on the convenience of his seizures relating to him having contact and providing you with maintenance.

Go via CMS. You aren’t getting maintenance as it is in the current format so go down the formal route.

What happens if he comes over, spends time with DD and you go out? Are you able to do that?

sheoaouhra · 12/06/2024 15:52

well, he can't care for a two year old if he is having seizures. What do you want him to do?

leavingabusetoday · 12/06/2024 15:50

MumHouseDilemma · 12/06/2024 15:44

Bit confused here - are you saying he refuses to give you child maintenance (in cash) because he claims to have a seizure when he is meant to do so?

I just want to also add he happily will come sit at mine with me in and asked for £20 last week and I stupidly let him because I want my daughter to have a dad so when he is gaining he will 100% come and do it just not if I can do something or if he is helping me

OP posts:
leavingabusetoday · 12/06/2024 15:48

MumHouseDilemma · 12/06/2024 15:44

Bit confused here - are you saying he refuses to give you child maintenance (in cash) because he claims to have a seizure when he is meant to do so?

Exactly this he said on Saturday I'll bring your money up tomorrow then when I emailed fo see if he was bringing the money uo a sezures. Today I asked if he could have our daughter so I could have a bath as I'm stressed about something else and he was like sorry had a sezure but it is every time

OP posts:
MumHouseDilemma · 12/06/2024 15:44

Bit confused here - are you saying he refuses to give you child maintenance (in cash) because he claims to have a seizure when he is meant to do so?

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