My daughters dad and his epilepsy

Don't bother- pretty sure you won't find one. In fact it's laughable to be honest.

A roofer with epilepsy, I’ve heard it all now!

Pretty offensive @ladycardamom. Seizures typically don't cause loss of brain matter. I'm bowing out. Read up about epilepsy.

He has uncontrolled seizures and works at heights for cash in hand, then comes to your house asking for $20? He doesn't sound a very reliable or sensible person, I don't think you can expect much from him at all. With every seizure, he is losing more brain matter. He is not going to improve. He'll get worse. I'm sorry, but make plans for the rest of your daughters life that don't involve or count on him.

So regardless of his health situation you should go through cms because clearly he isn't financially supporting his child.

If he does have seizures (which may or may not be epilepsy) then he probably shouldn't be left with sole care of a child as if he seizes it will be dangerous.

Many people with disabilities do stuff they are not supposed to do. If he is going to the pub/to festivals etc it's just his self he's putting at risk. This is obviously different to having sole care of a child.

Can you try and get support elsewhere? It seems unlikely you are going to get it from him.

This is great for your friend, and peculiar in this circumstance, but 30 percent of epilepsy is uncontrolled @feetuplater. There's many people with epilepsy living out there who sadly have very restricted lives because they're seizing constantly. Epilepsy is an umbrella term and very much misunderstood.

If it was well controlled, I think it would be fine.

The amount of naivity surrounding epilepsy on this thread is astounding.
To address some points.

1. Don't call someone "an epileptic" - it doesn't define them
2. How the hell do you know if they're true epileptic seizures or functional seizures? Only a neurologist, neuropsychiatrist and eeg would prove that
3. It's irrelevant anyone - both are valid disabilities
4. There's a world of difference between going to the pub and caring for a child
5. Around 30% of epilepsy cannot be controlled - he might have tried everything
6. You can be an arsehole and also have epilepsy, the two aren't mutually exclusive
7. The proportion of people with epilepsy unemployed compared to the general population is much higher - people pay lip service to disabilities but that that's often all it is

Gosh he shouldn't be up a roof if he has seizures!

So sorry you're going through so much. My only suggestion is to knock on his door for the cash x

He's taking the living piss out of you. Can't watch his own daughter for 20 minutes, but works as a roofer 5 days a week? He's taking you for a fool, and you're letting him.

Please have a word with yourself, do something that gives you some self-esteem and a backbone and hoof this dick head as far away as possible.

No child needs a fucking useless excuse for a father. One decent parent is better than one good one and one unreliable, inconsistent, joke of a parent. Do yourself and your DD a favour and get rid of the useless pisstaker.

He adds nothing but stress to your life, and it sounds like you have enough of that without him adding to it. You deserve better than this lying, useless excuse for a partner.

Please want better for yourself and your DD. You're showing your daughter that putting up with a useless piece of shit is a suitable relationship model to follow. Would you like her to grow up and put up with this nonsense? Please buck up and get rid of this asshat, for the sake of your DD and yourself.

My best friend has epilepsy and the only thing she can't currently do is drive. She works full time and has a busy life.

I simply do not see how his seizures can be so bad that he can work full time as a roofer but is incapable of looking after his child for a few hours.

That doesn't add up!

Ps re: appointments, try speaking to your health visitor to find out what support there is in your area to allow you to attend. Do NOT ask your DDs dad as he will inevitably cancel and cause unnecessary stress

Completely agree with this. Epilepsy or no epilepsy he is totally useless and you need to stop relying on him or expecting him to do anything

Stop him staying at yours. If he wants contact with your DD he can arrange where thus takes place

Put in a claim for child maintenance and have this done officially instead of allowing him to make excuses.

Take back control from him. This situation is making you weaker when as a lone parent you need all the strength you can get

If you need a night off then take him out of the picture and arrange a babysitter or family member to help

Concentrate on you and your DD and whatever he decides to do for contact (or not is up to him)

You may find the Freedom programme helpful

I think his epilepsy is a red herring. It seems he's physically capable of doing everything except for caring for and paying for his child.

@leavingabusetoday as an extra, I seriously do not think a person with epilepsy should ever be working as a roofer!! this makes it doubtful that he is actually still experiencing as many epileptic fits as he says he suffers!!

@leavingabusetoday I think you seriously need to involve his mum here!! she seems to know what is happening truly with him. I feel he actually just does not want to do an overnight and I would not allow him to see the child under your roof! his time on duty is your time off so why do you have to cater for him all the time?? dont be soft!

Another stand up member of society paying no tax and being a deadbeat dad mooching off his ex 🤦‍♀️

Hi OP. I have Epilepsy that is considered uncontrolled (although thankfully I don't have full tonic clonic seizures at present). Your partner should firstly not be working at heights if he has uncontrolled seizures. His lifestyle choices are up to him but alcohol is a trigger for seizures for many people with Epilepsy. If he has a child he should really be doing everything he can to control his seizures and take responsibility. Having a disability like Epilepsy does not mean he cannot be a good father. My dad also had uncontrolled Epilepsy and this never stopped him caring for me and being equally involved in my life. I am currently pregnant and my Epilepsy, whilst making things more difficult, will not stop me taking responsibility as a mother. I would suggest you have a conversation with him to try and better understand what his seizures are like, what him and his neurologist are doing to try and control them and how you can move forward. Perhaps you could attend an appointment with him (if he is comfortable with this). There are a number of Epilepsy charities where you can also find good information and advice online, and with helplines.

A polite note to other posters who are referring to people as "epileptics" this can be offensive to some people, who prefer people say "a person with epilepsy". I'm not precious about it but thought it worth mentioning. We are not our disabilities. 😊

How does he get to yours/work/anywhere?

Sounds like he conveniently says he's had a seizure when he's supposed to bring money or see the baby. Yet can work as a roofer.
He lies to his mom saying you cancel so she can't stay overnight, yet he babysits other family members kids
He's a dick.
Contact his Mom yourself and arrange for her to see your child, I bet she'll love seeing her and having her so you can get to appointments.

Brain surgeon maybe? Agreed though, the fact he's a roofer, seizures are associated with ptsd/stress anxiety, very convenient timings as an excuse to avoid things he doesn't want to do, alcoholism... I'd be absolutely amazed if he actually had epilepsy.

@LeopardsRockingham just to say poor you, that sounds very tough! I was lucky, my epilepsy stayed well controlled, but I was advised to take basic precautions anyway in case the unexpected happened (like always changing nappies/dressing them on the floor, never bathing the children when it was just me with them etc).

I would not allow him access in the house and definitely would not give him money, feed him etc.

but that is me. He needs to choose to want to see his daughter and not priorities nephews and nieces.

@leavingabusetoday does he know you are ill? I think you just have to be straight and say, “I do care about your seizures, it must be awful, however, I have cancer and because you won’t have DD I am missing my treatment so I really need you to help. It does seem that you always manage to go out when you want but can’t manage to help me.” Otherwise be honest with his Mum. Tell her he won’t have DD and isn’t paying you. And do not give him money.