Really dislike 16-year-old niece: don't want to have her to stay

Let me guess - your niece took her Christmas presents home with her?

What would have happened if your sister had taken her home on Christmas Day, dumped her there and gone back to have dinner with her mum and you?

Tbh, at 16 she is old enough to go on holiday on her own with a friend so if your sister is that desperate for a break, she can pay for something like that.

It does sound like your niece is going through something, but many, many teenagers are, often worse scenarios too and they manage not to behave like that.

I don't think messaging asking why she was so angry with you is the right approach, she will just be defensive and/or ignore. You could message and say last trip/Christmas really hurt you and consequently you won't be hosting this year, that way at least you have made here aware of the impact of her behaviour at an emotional level.

What does your DM think?

I’d say you have a d sis problem who should be sorting this behaviour out not minimising and excusing it!

This would be a hard no from me - even if there was an apology offered from DN right now, it would be too little, too late for this year. Perhaps with a sustained display of better behavior over the next twelve months you could consider extending an invite next year but DN needs to learn the life lesson here.

Absolutely no way would I send her that message!

I would have confiscated all her Xmas presents!

Fucking absolutely not. I have 3 teens myself, and have NEVER come across one that behave like that towards a relative for giving them massively expensive presents! Parents may get a bit of lip during a particularly hormonal episode. Nothing like that that. And certainly to anyone who’s not a parent or sibling!

No way on this planet.

Monstrous child. Oh, and don't leave her anything in your will, OP.

She is a brat and your sister is clearly a shit parent who has spoilt her. No excuses. Cut her off until she can behave!

Is the friend still friends with her?

Your sister wants a break but the DN clearly doesn't want to be there, so don't host her.

I would say though that this is clearly a very unhappy and angry girl who has been completely failed by one parent and is lashing out at the remaining loving people. A thread full of posters calling a distressed child horrible names is repulsive. Yes, she's rude and saying awful things. But that is a combination is shit parenting and hormones. She can and will be brought around and MN of all places should have some understanding of compassion towards a child.

I hate these threads. Pages of calling children names.

I like this approach

That’s maybe how teens behave at their worst moment with their mum. They should not behave like that around other people. They know better than think they can pull that off. I’d text the niece something along the lines of ‘last year wasn’t enjoyable for anyone. I’m happy to have you if you want to come and have fun with me. Perhaps suggest some things you’d like to do and we can discuss. If I don’t hear back I’ll assume you don’t want to come’.

She’s still a teenager and dealing with lots of emotions and changes. give her the chance to apologise and come up with a way forward but don’t tolerate such rudeness.

This is absolutely not normal teen behaviour - I've raised two of them and they never behaved at this level of awfulness. Say no and be clear why.

Absolutely NO

I wouldn't ever have her visit nor would I be buying any presents for her at all unless you get a sincere apology from your niece for her appalling past behaviours.

Your sister is enabling her dd in behaving so abysmally. She is failing in parenting.

I think I'd go for this approach. What a shame, I wonder what else is going on for your neice as its not usual behaviour.

I have a few kids and I’m into my second stint as a mother of a teen. Yes they are messy, moody, cheeky and push boundaries.

WITH ME - they are as kind as can be to anyone else!

This is not ok, I suspect this child is spoilt and entitled and possibly jealous of your life and money.

If you stop now you will be doing her a massive favour. If you don’t stop you’ll let her believe her behaviour was acceptable.

It’s a no from me. It’s also not surprising that her mother says yabu, she’s your nieces mother afterall! And the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree! Is this how your DS treats your own mum?

Sounds like your sister has normalised it, but that she also wants a break.

It would be a firm no from me.

Hell no. I've had several teens and been one myself and never experienced behaviour like that, it's beyond "normal" teenage behaviour and your DS is doing neither herself nor her DD any favours by normalising it

I'd back right off, no messages, no gifts and certainly no stay in London and maybe revisit the situation in a year or so to see if DN has learnt to control her behaviour

Her behaviour at Christmas, too, was appalling. What on earth is up with that girl?

I wonder if the 1% will claim neurodivergence/ mental health

It's up to your sister whether she tolerates this behaviour, or what she does about it. It's entirely reasonable of you to no longer want to spend a lot of effort and money hosting your niece when she's in this obnoxious phase. Your sister can't require you to deal with this shit so she gets a week off. Her child, after all.

With luck, your niece will grow out of whatever the hell this is, apologise profusely, and you'll have a good relationship again, but it might be a longterm thing, and you don't need to martyr yourself in the short term for it.

My jaw hit the floor when I read your sister’s expectation.

No one in my family would expect us to host a nephew or niece who behaved like that.

Not a bloody chance would i be having her to stay! Her mum needs to work on this, i know teens can be a pain but i don't know any who are this rude.

"No, she behaved so badly last year that I can't go through that again. And have you forgotten Christmas, when I spent £300 on something she asked for and she threw it at me?"