To feel like life is more hassle than it's worth

I turn 42 in October and I'd say I'm mostly content with life's small pleasures. I've always been a huge believer in escapism, as a previous poster said, books, films, music, TV can all take me away to a better place with no Teams meetings or washing up.

Sometimes I do get that horrible feeling of shame over how I messed up my life (my life is actually fine but late at night my brain provides the highlights reel of all my worst decisions) and dread of what might go wrong in the future.

I really don't think your thoughts should be dismissed as hormonal or moodiness, the everyday suffering of life is a concept that philosophers and religions have attempted to wrestle with, so if you're a reader there is a lot to get stuck into. I'm agnostic, but I like reading about what Buddhism has to say about the topic of suffering (suffering doesn't have to be dramatic pain, it can be boredom and impatience as well). The stoics and Schopenhauer also have interesting ideas about how we can face suffering.

At this point in life it's either steam trains, garden centres or swinging.

And yes, this too! So much still to read/see/hear!

I don't recognise this. I'm 51 and still have a long list of things I'm dying to do. Finish this book and let the idea for the next one swim up. Live in Iceland for a year. Go the the US and actually stand under my agoraphobic friend's window in Boston until he opens it (it's exactly 20 years since I saw him in the flesh). Finish renovating the house. Do a degree in art history. See who my 12 year old turns into. Make more friends. See a lot of opera.

Maybe it's because I never vacuum. We haven't had a working vacuum for the best part of a year, and the house hasn't fallen down.

I'm here for the stories. Those of the people in my family/at work/random encounters and all of the (real and fictional) stuff from strangers. I love film, TV and music and there's so much I still want to watch/read!

Enjoy life ignore judgement

If you don't believe in religion and a divine plan, it is pointless because its a random occurance, not something that was done by someone for a reason with a goal in mind. So here we are, for no higher purpose or reason. And that's probably just something to just accept and work from there, deciding to spend our pointless time alive creating meaning in small ways, making ourselves and others as happy as we can. Might as well do that as not.

I find joy in nature honestly taking an icy sunrise SeaDip sure wakes you up gives a zing. Can you change where you live to explore somewhere new?

I often say this to people and get a ' look ' !
I don't think many people think like this , but I admit that I do.
It sometimes feels pointless.

I've never agreed so much with every word an OP has said. It's why I've never wanted to have children. I couldn't inflict this on someone.

@BigDahliaFan ”I rather think this why faith and the afterlife was invented for people who were having similar thoughts.”

but people like us would be terrified if we thought there was an afterlife? Confused by this one.

My 40s were my toughest decade by a long way. If given a choice of that again or being the ripe old age of 55, there is no way I'd swap. If someone in their 50s had told me that life got better I'd have said 'As if. It'll be just the same only I'll be old as well' but that hasn't proved to be the case at all. It's been like stepping into the light. I hope all you struggling 40 somethings experience the same.

I feel like this too OP. I’m 44 and have felt like it the last 2 years or so. It seems a lot of others on this thread of a similar age to us feel it too so perhaps it’s hormonal…I hope so as then perhaps I’ll snap out of it eventually!

Everything is just so unrelenting and everytime throughout life I’ve felt like I’m in a good place then something goes wrong or changes and it never lasts. E.g. work, relationships, friendships. It’s just a big long tedious hassle.

*not everything is perimenopause

Absolutely true, but it does have a huge effect for some people. Including me, and I'm the same age.

FFS, no wonder you're unhappy if you're this bloody grumpy the whole time.

That person was obviously lucky enough not to have had a really terrible life then because if they had there's no way they would want to go back and do it all again. I certainly wouldn't.

Same here. As much as I love my little family, the things that happened to me before I had them means I would not want to do it all again. Too much trauma and sadness to ever want to repeat. 😪

@OptimismvsRealism I have found a book called Callings by Gregg Levoy quite helpful in trying to get more of a sense of purpose. I feel similar. Since it costs the same to me to try and feel good and not to feel good, I try to feel good ifyswim. My strategy is to try to do more of the things that really make me feel good, e.g. making ppl laugh, helping people, being outside, whatever. Each time you make the choice to do something that points you the right way, you are a tiny step on the right path. However I do get you that adulting just sucks, just all the jobs. I would have hoped digitalisation would have got rid of so much of it but I think we're at an in between phase. For me, feeling like I have helped someone or even made them laugh in their own struggles makes me feel like my life is not totally wasted.

I think you may have a point. We are just insignificant motes of dust in an infinite universe. I rather think this why faith and the afterlife was invented for people who were having similar thoughts.

But as I get older I take more pleasure in smaller things (I'm in my 50s), at planning for not working and having more time to do things for me (not hoovering) and also I have plans for some excitements before I die....

Gird yourself, I had a massive go at my parents when I took my first ADs decades ago!

@OptimismvsRealism thank you for pointing out that everything isn’t peri. It’s insane the obsession some MNers have with that.

@existentialpain I understand. I’m also puzzled by what seems like a medical obsession with avoiding death at all costs. My mother has regular hassle from the NHS about tests and procedures she doesn’t want. Her side of the family have scary, scary longevity - but you can’t say that in real life.

I heard - after his death - that Paul O’Grady was blunt about not wanting to make old bones. I’d argue that he kind of did make old bones, but some people are speechless with horror if you make that comment even on an anonymous forum.

I know what you mean OP - life is 95% drudgery and tedium and only about 5% fun and frolics. What's really depressing is watching my teenage kids, so full of hopes and dreams, start to realise this.