Are weddings actually seriously uncool? Naff as anything?

We have just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. Friends still comment on how much fun our wedding was.
We married in a local hotel with just our closest relatives. Had a laid back meal ( just 20 of us) in a private dining room, then relocated to a venue beside a river where we had a massive party for around 200 friends and family. We had one rule and that was that the disco was background music until 10pm so we could chat with everyone. By 10pm the guests were begging the DJ to ramp it up. The dance floor was packed and everyone danced the night away. It was well after 4am before the last guests left.
We had no photographer, no strict timetable, we just had immense fun celebrating with everyone.
My DSis still maintains that it is the only wedding that she has been to where the dance floor filled up as soon as the DJ started. That may have been down to the big social group we were part of which was associated with a sport well known for partying.
Neither DH nor I wanted the “big wedding”. I had been to so many weddings where as guests you spent so much time just standing around. Photographers often ruin weddings.
All the picky little details are just so unnecessary. No one remembers the table decor or the favours or whether the bridesmaids hair colour complimented the bride’s.
What they do remember is whether they had fun, enjoyed the company and that they were well fed and watered.

I like the relaxed weddings in a pretty open air spot, gardens, or a beach. I love that more and more places are being opened up for wedding services.
Twenty or so of your nearest and dearest attending and a pub or restaurant meal after maybe. Don't even mind a buffet.
You can still do the little things that make a wedding special, flowers cake and so on, but just on a smaller scale. Save the money you would have spent to help set you up in life.

There’s a lot of snobbery here. As pp said the seemingly try less hard ones rely on Mummy & Daddy having an orchard etc or an eye for the arts, which let’s face it, is usually those who can afford to have creative careers.

The best weddings I’ve been to are the ones where people are happy. Where it’s a big old mix of family from both sides, friends, colleagues. People should spend their money on what makes them happy. If that’s 3 bridesmaids in matching pistachio so be it.

My wedding day 20 odd years ago was pretty trad - fancy old London pub, black cab to venue, £20 wedding dress but I spent £££ on food, wine and DJ, because that’s what I value! I hope that people remember it as a happy day where they met some nice people they hadn’t met before.

I do think now that people are getting married that little bit older (30s), they are generally more low key than folk that got married in their twenties.

I also think covid and the cost of living crisis has made people re-think and choose less elaborate weddings!

I love seeing my friends get married as much as anyone. I am grateful that my friends got married in an era before they tried to dictate clothes worn to the wedding events, like I posted in this article, as well as expensive hen dos. Well - I've been to one hen do overseas but thankfully it was before I had kids. It was just at the start of that sort of nonsense....

I don't think the majority of weddings have ever been cool have they? General naffness is a key part of planning a wedding aimed at a range of guests of all ages. Tbh the naffness is part of it- the difference is when the couple understand that or not

we had an elaborate wedding 25 years ago. If I ever do it again, it will be pie and beer in the local parish hall.

I like a wedding that starts quite late in the afternoon. Absolutely no dress codes. All held in same venue if possible. Venue in or near a place with good transport links, lots of places to stay and easy to get to, Meal afterwards includes speeches that don't go on too long. Evening music not too loud so you can still chat to people. Lots of bar staff. If your hen party is being held abroad count me out. I've been to lots of great weddings, I love them.

I would have attended in an elephant suit.

ah the “we just had a party in the garden” - size of venue would cost £5k to hire before anyone had eaten anything if you were having to hire this as your family don’t have “grounds”

The small, less stressful, non-anal ones are awesome.

I disagree on your take of them being dated.

I've read the bridesmaid thread you are talking about, but thats never been my personal experience. I've been a bridesmaid 6 times, none of my friends /family have been bridezillas. Nobody has ever tried to dictate how I wear my hair, makeup etc or just generally been horrible in the run up like some of the stories you hear on here.

I love a wedding, any type.I've been to big lavish affairs at stately homes , small homely ones in a field, a destination wedding. All very different , but each one has been amazing.

As well as enough bathrooms/loos in their house for everyone! I’ve been to one “marquee in the garden” wedding and the hosts were extremely wealthy.

Most weddings are bonkers. The one-upmanship and insane budgets.

For a variety of reasons we chucked out convention when we got married. A quiet registry ceremony and lunch out with a handful of very close friends (absolutely no family). Then a big all-day party much later in the year for family and our wider circle of friends.

@whynosummer this is my take on it as well.

I don’t know how much never being likely to wear a big dress or throw a big party again has to do with it. Surely a lot of it is just doing ‘the done thing’ and wanting the same as what your peers have had?

It takes confidence to break the mould for sure.

Obviously I could be wildly wrong, but I suspect these brides were more affluent than most. I think it takes a lot of economic self assurance to get married barefoot, and then to have party in your parent’s garden that’s big enough for a wedding

Yes agree with this.

One of dh's friends got married a few years ago and if weddings in general ever come up both he and she will say 'oh we just had ours in mum and dads garden and we had a BBQ in the evening'. Which is technically correct - and it was a lovely day and actually fairly simple and totally without a lot of the frills and fuss of many other weddings. Only one bridesmaid and the Best Man, no fancy cars, no three course meal, no OTT decorations or a wandering caricaturist or whatever.

But the fact that mum and dad had enough space in their 'garden' to host a marquee and event for 150 people (along with enough parking on their 'drive' for a couple of dozen cars at least!) tells you all you need to know really.

Ohhhhh I LOVE weddings!!!

If I'm at a wedding it's because the people getting married are important to me, and - crucially - I probably really like them! So whatever they do - big/small/industrial/DIY I am THERE for the couple!

I had an 'industrial' wedding (absolutely loving this expression) because I couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery and needed help, but I I didn't feel very bridezilla-esque. I certainly wasn't dictating hair (I didn't even dictate dresses), and the party afterwards was EPIC. Huge respect for anyone doing it differently!

I've always hated the snideness of these convos. I hope we can all just be cool that every couple hopefully love the choices they made.

And PLEASE if you hate weddings and are going to bitch about it afterwards - just don't go. It's not just a party, it's doing this really cringey legal thing in front of all your friends and family and it's horrible to think people there going 'urgh this sucks'.

TLDR:
"When Lauren and Jackson England tied the knot with a safari wedding in Ranthambore, India, in January, they wanted the dress code to reflect the surroundings. The mood they communicated to their guests was “classic heritage Ralph Lauren.”

“I am an aesthetic person, and we had a clear vision for the hero image we wanted to create on the safari Jeep,” Mr. England, 37, said, referring to their primary wedding portrait. (He and Ms. England are founders of a content and production company in Sydney, Australia.) “It was important to me that guests followed our color palette.”

In the end, “our creative friends had fun with it, but our mothers were a bit overwhelmed.”

This will blow your mind: Wedding Dress Codes Can Be Very Specific - The New York Times (nytimes.com)

Just made me so depressed, how wanky so many things in the world have become.

I think you could be right.

I would welcome it, for environmental reasons if nothing else.

The wedding industry won't like it, but I agree I can see the current younger generation moving away from it, for eco reasons and also to use their money on something more worthwhile.

Agree they could soon be seen to be old fashioned.

There’s something in this- and there’s also a lot of sneering at women who want that princess for the day thing being seen as being above their station.

its easy to have the low key event if there’s a good chance there will have been or will be other events in your life when you are a having a glitzy day and being the centre of attention. To wear a simple dress for your wedding when you have already been to events /parties / balls where evening dresses or ball gowns would be the norm.

It’s easy to say don’t spend the money on a big party if you can easily see you will host other big parties over the years.

I've been to a couple of really special weddings, they were quite a while ago and both couples are now divorced, but they were enjoyable events.

I don't mind a wedding to be honest, despite being a curmudgeonly cynic, it's nice to see people you know being happy.

I don't like formal clothes, formal meals or events where there's a lot of alcohol and some dancing.
So basically - I don't like "traditional" weddings.
I just find them boring to be honest (including my own).
But some people love all that - so it's up to them if they do that. Their choice.
What I think is wrong is the amount of money people spend. I think there's more important things in life that need to be paid for. A house deposit for one.
I literally can't understand how (seemingly average) people can afford to spend £1000s on a wedding unless it's all on credit cards or relatives funding it.
I think the tide has turned about what is important.
A place to live is. A fancy party isn't.

They do feel very 'samey' but I'd imagine because I have been to a few although not recently. Some bits of our wedding were traditional others not. I didn't want a wedding with everyone there. I actually hate being centre of attention. I was quite happy to elope, grab some randoms off the street for the registry office and find some decent bars to eat, drink and be merry in. DH wanted the bigger wedding with all our friends and family there. Ten years on its nice to look at the memories and I think now I'd do it so differently.