Are weddings actually seriously uncool? Naff as anything?

Food is a very good point. Can get expensive if you're feeding people twice but eating at 9pm for a 1pm wedding is stupid. No wonder people left earlier. I assume there were facilities on site or nearby?! @Allofaflutter

I think the meringue dress and matching flowers/bridesmaids/favours thing with supreme of chicken for the wedding breakfast does feel very 1980s. But I have never actually been to one like that! (I know they exist, I used to waitress in a wedding venue back in 2001, I just don’t think that’s what many people choose these days)

It’s like saying “does anyone else feel like a week in Benidorm, spending your days getting sunburnt and eating ham and chips, is a bit naff, and a city break in Barcelona is a bit cooler?” It’s kind of a straw man, nobody thinks the first option is the cooler option.

What does queer in the academic sense mean?
overblown expensive weddings seem crazy to me. Spending £20k on a day! I've been married twice and neither cost more than £4500. I did surprise myself by wearing a white wedding dress for the second one. However it was £70 from Ali express and I customised it myself. We had a lovely day with a picnic in a park and then a room above a bar. Just lovely and fun. I do cringe at the expense of traditional weddings but maybe that's because I'm of the age where many people I know are either divorced/remarried or unhappily married to their first spouse 🤷🏼‍♀️

The worst wedding I went to was no food until 9pm with strictly observed children's food at 5pm. For a 1pm wedding. They spent the food budget on inflatable sumo suits. It was miserable and we left to go get food and went home instead of going back. When they called food but only for children I couldn’t believe it. The food was sandwiches after 9 apparently. I was home by then. Most guests left before 8. Miserable, yes they are divorced now too. It was the grooms idea too apparently and no they didn’t tell us.

Definitely.

I am not even married but I have been to enough of them to say they are naff naff naff!

Trouble is weddings are often done when you are still young and still learning about yourself. I wanted to marry in my local church and have the reception down the hill in the village hall.

Maybe a barn dance because they are fun and everyone can get involved.

But the village hall wasn't big enough once we had our guest list, and our parents guest list. Then we wanted to keep everyone happy so added elements important to the family.

So we used a local golf club, and their wedding planner got involved, (because planning a huge event takes time and we were both working full time in demanding careers) and it spiralled.

It was lovey, church wedding, really good sit down meal (as the chef was excellent and created a menu for us) then disco with tons of friends and some kind of evening food. But it wasn't what I had pictured. I was just too young and insecure and not talented enough at event planning to make what I wanted a reality.

I think this is why so many weddings are samey.

If people spent as much time and effort on the actual marriage as they do the wedding the divorce rate would be lower. I swear that to some brides it’s about the wedding not the marriage and all they want is the attention.

I love a wedding. Any wedding. Low budget, blow the budget, in the garden or long haul destination, I really don’t care as long as I am invited.

BUT

It occurred to be this morning as I was doom scrolling that can you imagine being a bride today and having “work out the choreography for TikToks” on your to do list. I pity the bridesmaids who can’t quite get the hang of the routine.

Is this because I’m getting older? Do the digital natives think this is fun? What do the guests do while this is going on? Hang around? Dear god, I hope they are fed and watered…

But yes, I love a wedding where the food and drink is good and plentiful, and people are just having a good time.

In my “decades” of experience, the more enjoyable weddings have not been at traditional wedding venues where they attempt to do the same thing slickly (in various different themes/colour palettes and levels of success) 52 weekends a year with carriages at midnight.

My favourites include: at a local bar in a less trendy area of New York; at a game reserve in Africa; on a family farm; a restaurant on the river in west London; in the garden of a mid terrace in suburban London; a small DIY wedding at an airbnb (with permission) All really different. All really excellent.

The “worst” were all at venues that catered exclusively to the wedding market (3 different countries). I won’t name them.

While they were nice enough at the time, I hope they fall out of fashion because the food & service was never good. And my god, they all ran late… maybe the others did too but perhaps they were less traditional, you didn’t notice…

Chair covers are horrendous things! They look like they belong in a retirement home and never look good.

They're mostly bladdy awful things. Its the identikit nature of them. Ive been to several in the same old local halls, in the same suites, different bands/music, slightly different set ups but all essentially the same. Favours on the table, chair dressings, herded around for photos, the same terrible cut and paste best mens speeches. All a bit forced.
Best one i went to was some farmers I knew. Proper church wedding then the reception in a converted cow shed. Booze and food aplenty, no stuffy old halls, a lot more laid back and such a chilled atmosphere. It helped the bride wasnt a vain primadonna like so many sadly turn out to be on that day!

My perfect wedding would be a ceremony with close family and a scattering of friends within a few miles of where the bride lived. A cream tea served whilst the photo's were taken so the guests weren't thirsty, hungry or getting drunk. A sit down meal of soup or salad, Beef wellington/ vegan dish. A decent band or disco for the evening reception preferably all this would happen in a venue that didn't charge £10 for a vodka and coke. A small buffet supper about 21:00 would be very welcome. And children, lots of children running around enjoying themselves.
I don't care what the invitations look like, i don't see a need for chair covers and the bridesmaids could be wearing a bin bag as nobody is in the slightest bit interested.
Oh and please make sure the Grannies and Grandpa's ( well i really mean me) are looked after with plenty of tea on the go.

Yep, I wish Id done the small wedding I wanted instead of the big day I was made to feel I had to have! I've told my dc to marry any way they want to (if they want to) although I would be upset if not invited 😳

There’s definitely a competitive element to weddings these days. Everyone wants theirs to be better than the last one they went to. The hugely lucrative wedding industry thrives on it.

Ironically it’s always the low key, low budget ones that everyone remembers with fondness.

I think big expensive statement weddings with a church, tons of bridesmaids etc has fallen out of vogue gradually in the last 30 years.

I disagree. If anything, weddings have grown.

I think big expensive statement weddings with a church, tons of bridesmaids etc has fallen out of vogue gradually in the last 30 years.
Budgets obviously play a part.
But yeah. I think so much wedding stuff just looks like it will be in a bin 12 hours later!?
Everyone should do what they like, but my preference was a Buddhist temple, non legal ceremony followed by a pub meal.
I guess as long as the bride and groom are happy. But so much money!?
My DHs brother married a woman and the wedding cost abot £30k. This was 20 yrs ago. Marriage lasted 6 months. 🙃

Has being an overly picky, obsessive and unreasonable person (bride or groom, or parent of) ever actually been popular with anyone or have we all just tolerated them to "be kind"?

Couldn’t agree more. I would also add to the positive list:
Small children knee sliding across the dance floor
Big cake
Plenty of booze
and to the negatives:
Hog roast
Portaloos
Freezing marquee

Is your friend still married?

I was bridesmaid at a not-so-close friend's wedding and it was soul destroying. The wedding party before were leaving as we arrived and it was like being on a wedding conveyor belt. The staff were so bored. The speeches were boring. The food was boring. The everyone looks shit and is drunk dancing was boring.
The bride was stressed out all day.
I am still unmarried and I blame that wedding!

My parents married in 1973 at Westminster registry office. There are about 10 guests, my mum is wearing a silk floral mini dress her sister sewed and my dad is seriously channelling a young Mick Jagger. Apparently afterwards, they all went to a curry house in Bond Street.

I got married in a traditional country wedding, with a ceilidh band, traditional ivory gown, marquee in the garden, church with bellringers et cetera

Ours’ was a wonderful wedding but my parents’ wedding photos make them look about a million times cooler!

I'm getting remarried this year. We will be 52 and 57. We have 4 grown kids between us. Didn't want a church or registry office, couldn't elope or go abroad. We have booked a city hotel and are married there at 4pm and straight into evening party with a hog roast. Couldn't think of anything worse than a reception breakfast or whatever you call them and finger sandwiches although I am having a plain ivory wedding dress, 2 bridesmaids (daughters) and suited men and a photobooth because ive been to parties with 1 and enjoyed the silliness of it...but for us I feel it's still quite informal-ish. I have no demands of anyone. Wear what you like and come as you please. Just have a good time while you're here.

Don't think I've ever been to a wedding you describe. Matching satin bridesmaids - definitely out! Not one wedding had more than a couple little girls. Women seem t favour more simple sleek wedding dresses. Easy on the lace and certainly not voluminous. Trend for inviting just for evening do during a death too.

This

@DysonSphere

Yes, that's all we wanted, was to have a great time with other people having a great time. We don't party, we're not flashy, we don't do glam. We debated doing the registry or eloping but what we both wanted was our families and friends together.

And yes, some weddings run into many 10s of 1000s, I've been to some of them. They were very nice, very formal, every detail thought of. But not necessarily comfortable or relaxed or fun.