Are weddings actually seriously uncool? Naff as anything?

Congrats!🎉 Hope you have a lovely, super day!

Hope the weather is good too!😬

So many of these sneery posts are just desperate to call big weddings "common" but know that's a little too on the nose.

I have a big family, so it was always going to be a big wedding because for us it's about joining two families and everyone celebrating together. I couldn't have had a 10 person wedding without genuinely upsetting all my favourite people.

We looked at the quirky field marquee set up but once you hired the chairs and the crockery and the portaloos it was going to be extortionate. Instead we went for a hotel that could seat 100, provided lots of good food and cheap alcohol and does them day in, day out.

My photos probably look like 50 other brides that got married there that year, but I've got ones of my Dad dancing with DH's Grandma, and my cousins' kids skidding on their knees so I don't really care. And fortunately, if any of my guests thought that my wedding was basic or boring or naff, they had enough common decency to keep it to themselves.

I'm getting married next Thursday. We are going to the registry office with our 3 kids and 3 adults in the family. It's 9.30am no music cause I just find it too cringe. In out done. We will dress smart. Probably go for coffee after 😆 big wedding is not for me!

I don't agree with this. It reads as almost hysterical victimisation of women. Why are you reading child and victim into traditionally feminine coded dresses? Speaks more to your own misogyny than the wedding industry's. You can't like frills and be witty? You can't like lace and be smart? You can't like pouffy dresses and be an independent feminist? Why on earth not?

Weddings are a ritual. It doesn't make you a stupid child victim to want to participate in the ritual, in the way that is traditional. Of course it's also completely fine to opt out of the traditional way. It's amazing that now people get to choose their own wedding. At the end of the day, authentic weddings always feel better. The couple who wanted to elope but get sucked into the whole big white wedding probably won't be happy, and the wedding won't be great. But the couple who actually wanted the tradition but feel pressured by trends to have a big unique outdoor barefoot circus themed wedding also won't be happy, and the wedding won't be great. The best weddings are the ones that reflect the people in them.

The bank offered DH and me a £10,000 wedding loan. We didn’t take it but it’s a scary thought with how many couples do. We had the day we wanted though married in the local parish church and our wedding cars were things like a Mercedes E Class. As the cars are modern and not vintage they use the cars for other things too so it cost us less than a third of the cost of the vintage cars.

My most stylish friend is getting married in August. It's a registry and meal for guests in a central London restaurant affair. No hall, no bridesmaids, no flower girls etc no fuss very informal type of thing. I am looking forward to it.

Ahh now in my opinion those parts are better than the wedding itself!

I mean the Bride and groom things like expecting people to pay for expensive hen/stag parties etc

I'm a similar age to you. All my friends are (or were) married, bar one but her situation is complex and she definitely doesn't want to (and shouldn't) marry him.

My "generation" of our family are all married. My older cousins have children who are starting to get engaged. All my aunts and uncles are or were married.

I only know of a couple of people at work who are in a relationship that is not at least heading to marriage.

All of my school friends (small circle, rarely catch up now so not included in the other friends) are married.

Obviously this is only my experience, but I think it's still very common to get or want to be married.

Do you mean the guests or the bride?!

I think a lot are more interested in the wedding and all the attention than the actual marriage.

It’s a classic for a reason! 😂

Yeah that was basically our thought process! 😂

@Hoolahoophop But it wasn't what I had pictured. I was just too young and insecure and not talented enough at event planning to make what I wanted a reality. I think this is why so many weddings are samey.

I wanted something a bit different, but unless you DIY everything (likely to be even more expensive and huge amounts of hassle), it's not really possible. We picked a barn venue so it was a bit different, a bit more laid back, but there were things I wanted (like rolls and sausage during the drinks reception, because people are always starving by dinner) that they couldn't do so we had to have canapes (£££!) and we compromised on bread going on the tables before the speeches. The wedding coordinator steered us away from anything too original, and do you know what? She was right, with hindsight. Weddings are formulaic for a reason, because it works. Yes it's a bit samey but it's better than not getting fed/things not running to time/there being major fuck ups.

Thank you for making me feel normal 😂

Growing up I used to think these big multi-day weddings were just something that happened in American films or that extremely high profile people would have. Don’t think anyone in my family ever had a big wedding until this generation.

I went to a wedding at Mar Hall and it was just the best. I was expecting it to be posh and up itself but, you're right, you cant beat a good Scottish wedding and you just cant avoid The Proclaimers😃

Me!! Never experienced this “wedding season” people speak of and frankly if the people I knew were having weddings that would cost a lot (abroad, in inaccessible places necessitating a hotel, demanding money, expensive hen dos) I’d just decline. I’ve declined a couple recently from less close friends. The people in my life that I really like though have similar values and opinions to me and aren’t fussed about marriage, think weddings are naff. I’ve honestly never seen a wedding dress I didn’t think looked ridiculous I’m afraid

What % of people actually still get married?

In my circles nobody has had a wedding and we are getting to 40 soon. ‘My circles’ being couples where the woman is equal/ high earner in the the relationship, they’ve been together for years and no interest in marriage, definitely not a wedding. Or they’ll do a registry office quickie if kids involved. Definitely no hen do etc. So I always draw a blank when people start talking about ‘the wedding season’ etc as I’ve never experienced my friends getting married.

Been to probably 4 weddings in my life of cousins/ work mates and my impression has been that people that ‘do’ weddings are from traditional families one way or another, eg either quite posh or quite working class, and it’s important for the parents/ wider family.

Anyone else or just me where nobody they’re friends with would have a wedding? In my head they were over some time ago but I hear they still seem to be a popular phenomenon.

I feel quite nostalgic about the wedding-fest of my late 20s / early 30s. Because half a dozen times a year I got to go to a big party with friends, many of whom by then lived in different parts of the country, catch up, drink, dance to cheesy music, drink some more. What’s not to like?

And they were nearly all based on the bog standard traditional model - church/posh venue, white frock, canapés and fizz, meal, speeches, disco - with the occasional change to the standard formula according to taste.

I don’t think it’s that. I’ve thought weddings were tacky since I was a kid. I’ve been to about 3 in my life because I’ve managed to curate friends with similar disinterest in weddings! The last one I went to was fairly traditional although quite low key (no chair covers or favours) and even that felt like a glorified school disco.

Shocker. I'm sure ive seen people order pizzas to weddings, in the warmer months so you can scoff it outside somewhere without offending the bride. The preferred formula for a guest is sit down meal earlier on then buffet for the evening part. And yeah, free booze solves everything , seriously that farmers wedding i went to was mint - food and reasonably priced booze around the clock. Made sure everyone was in good spirits.

Free alcohol soothes all wedding sins!

Yep, we organised ours and it was definitely ”cool” and very “us”, but organising it was basically a second full time job for six months, and we definitely fucked stuff up because we’d never done anything like it before.

We didn’t order enough food - we had a buffet but under-ordered, and didn’t think to provide food later in the day. Plus we could really have done with an extra pair of hands to direct things like the wedding cake being brought out, and directing people towards the food - some people missed the buffet altogether because they were outside all afternoon and didn’t realise it was being served. Luckily we were in central London so they could pop out for food, but I still felt pretty bad. We did have plenty of free alcohol and great music, and a pool, so people had fun, but it could have been even better and much less stressful for us if we’d ever run an event before.

Nope! Not even crisps at the bar by the time we realised. No shops nearby. Which is why people went home. It was weird no structure. All afternoon was just no music, no food, no structure, no speeches, nothing but kids playing with sumo suits.