Are weddings actually seriously uncool? Naff as anything?

I had an enormous pouffy dress but I assure you I looked the strong, confident, tubby middle aged woman I was and not child like or moving towards victimhood in any way....

I sat on the floor 2mins after leaving the ceremony to let my nieces and nephews cover me with confetti (dried flowers my mum made for us all). The dress had done it's thing by the as far as I was concerned so I wasn't worried about dust or dirt.

I think they're narcissistic...

A whole day of me, spend money on me, talk about me, look at me, me me me!!!

Birthdays are the same, but to a lesser extent... not tens of thousands for a party all about you... putting yourself and others into debt with money you haven't earned for one day, when new relationships are hard! Imagine what you as a person could do now with £20,000 now... Most people live pay slip to pay slip... COL crisis...

"Despite the cost of living crisis, wedding spending rose £1,500+ year-on-year to £20,775"

(lighthearted! 😄)

I agree with this wholeheartedly.

Re wedding dresses - there are women who will go their entire life never being invited to an event where it would be appropriate to wear a ball gown/evening dress. In my experience, those are the women who go for it with the big dress, they will never get an opportunity to wear a designer evening gown again, so if they are only going to do it once, making the one day they wear a spectacular creation be their wedding day makes sense. If you are probably only wearing a truly fabulous dress once, do it on the day you do something else you plan to only do once.

I think this is very wise and observant, and something I hadn't necessarily put together myself. But yes, the brides getting married in the huge frilly dresses, wearing tiaras and sitting in thrones for dinner do tend to be the least well off in real life.

@anonqrtb That sounds wonderful! A celebration for all to enjoy and feel involved. 😍

We had a very traditional wedding 34 years ago - church followed by university dining hall ( no chair covers) one bridesmaid, no morning suits, no evening do - left for honeymoon from the reception. Brilliant day.

I agree with the PP who says everyone should have the wedding they want, and others shouldn’t judge.

I had the wedding I thought I should have. I enjoyed it, was a fun day, but if I had my time again I’d just either elope and do it just the two of us (but telling my parents in advance) or have a very small wedding of maybe immediate family (parents, siblings) and one or two friends.

I’m embarrassed about how much money we spent on the wedding, it’s obscene and could’ve been used far more constructively.

That said, I have fond memories of it and people still say they loved it, so hey ho.

I think you'd be surprised which ones are the most expensive! We had a barn wedding with a ceilidh, my mum was devastated as she wanted the manor house-type venue! She was appalled by the cost 😂

I got married abroad in2008, nice small wedding with a few people and had a party when I got home. No worries about centre pieces or themes. Just beautiful surroundings and delicious food.

If I remarried now I’d elope, I hate the tackiness of big weddings.

I don’t think big weddings will ever go out of fashion. Smaller weddings might become more popular, but marking a wedding ceremony with a big bash will always be a thing.

A lot of people see it as a once in a lifetime thing and so decide to celebrate with gusto.

I know it’s accepted MN wisdom that budget weddings are more fun (and point to a longer lasting union. Unconvinced on that one) but I’ve got to say I’ve been to some blow the budget weddings that have been amazing fun and some budget ones that have been a bit of a snore.

I’ve never been married either, so I’m not speaking from a place of defensiveness.

Obviously I could be wildly wrong, but I suspect these brides were more affluent than most. I think it takes a lot of economic self assurance to get married barefoot, and then to have party in your parent’s garden that’s big enough for a wedding. Ditto the orchard.

A lot of the OTT glitzy weddings come across as coming from a position of “this is my one day in life to pretend I am a princess” and I don’t care if I go deeply into debt and can’t buy a house for another 5 years because of it.

The very laid back weddings strike me as coming from a position of “my life in general is pretty good and I have absolutely nothing to prove”.

We had simple small wedding and reception we invited people they showed up and it happened then it was over (the day we are still married)

I am fine with any wedding like this but I don't get the drama massive 'you are invited to this bit but not this bit' you have to fly and take 2 weeks holiday and pay for all these bits, tantrums, list of requirements of what to wear and what is or not acceptable

The more complicated is not better

I know what you mean, OP, but on balance think YABU to say a blanket "weddings are naff". I agree with PP about all the froo-froo added extras and think it's ridiculous for a couple to spend beyond their means for the sake of one day. It does make me ponder whether the wedding rather than the marriage is the focus.

That said, the last couple of weddings I've been to have been delightful. Both were older couples, one of whom had been together for decades and the other for a short while. Both weddings were a real and personal celebration of their love for each other, and their happiness to share this love and joy with friends and family. Truly lovely days.

I mean I think the trends have moved on, so people who have very traditional church/country manor weddings, in a ballgown with prom queen hair and a tiara, with red carpet aisle, photobooth, candelabra or massive white floral centrepieces ('floating on mirrored plinths - the worst!) with matching bridesmaids and classic white/red florals do look naff and dated IMO. But there are many ways to have a wedding, it's not big wedding versus elopement. There are barn weddings, marquee weddings, industrial chic etc. We had 7 weddings last year (one was ours) and by the end it did seem like a big production line. 5 were in similar venues, obviously package deals, and they're so samey.

ETA - we're Scottish, so I don't think big Scottish weddings are going anywhere. They're usually good fun regardless of tackiness

OP how old are you? Are you past the stage when your friends all started getting married?

in my experience, individuals get “over” weddings when they’ve been to a lot. When there’s been a couple of years since they settled down (either getting married or deciding to have dcs unmarried). It’s really hard if you’ve moved beyond that life milestone to find the excitement for a wedding. when you’ve only been to two or three weddings as an adult, they can seem individual or still exciting, when you’ve been to 20+ it starts to feel formulaic (because really there’s only so much “different” you can do when you need the basic wedding ceremony, you need to feed and water your guests and there’s an expectation of dancing of some sort).

This is Mumsnet - most posters are parents or trying to become parents, therefore they are on the next life milestone, the “settling down” stage is done and doesn’t seem as important. I can see why if you’ve been to a lot of weddings and that part of your life is done, it could seem naff. But it’s interesting how many women who did have the big day, who did throw the big party, later decide it’s tacky for someone else to do that.

It’s all been done over and over. Great, but not by this bride and groom. Every wedding day is unique because it’s a brand new hopeful couple, and every wedding is the same because ultimately however the decorations or celebrations change, at its centre is a legal contract.

Jia Tolentino write about this in Trick Mirror, her collection of essays a few years ago. She used the term wedding industrial complex, iirc?

Here it is on radio 4: https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p07sq4b2

I think most brides want a perfect day and some of them get a bit carried away and engage in crazy behaviour demanding that their guests (or bridesmaids) do x, y and z. And there's a whole industry dedicated to fuelling this behaviour because it generates significant income.

The reality is that most weddings are a bit dull for the average guest who is not part of the bridal party. Been to one, been to them all. Nobody is going to notice (or remember) the matching chair covers or the colours of the bridesmaids' dresses or the wedding favours or whatever. But I wouldn't say any of this to any bride planning their wedding because I remember how excited I was planning my own and I wouldn't like to rain on their parade.

Totally agree, whilst not engaged me and my partner have discussed our ideal wedding.

Outside marque in a big field, ceremony over in 20 minutes then itll just be a family fun day. Get a bouncy castle for the kids, mobile food vans, ice cream van, mobile bar, Local singer/ DJ later.

No speeches, no first dance, no cake cutting, leave whenever you want - no pressure, just fun!

Low budget ones are always most fun! One was a ceilidh in a barn - great fun, and another was a handfasting in a field, followed by sit where you want buffet. Both lovely and inexpensive. Mine was Vegas on a whim 25 years ago and cost about £300 which included a video and 10 photos!