Are weddings actually seriously uncool? Naff as anything?

@garlictwist there's some people on here who seem to think that anything other than getting married in a registry office, with a couple of witnesses and having a chippy tea afterwards is completely ridiculous - and that you shouldn't expect people to want to celebrate your wedding!

I love a wedding and am delighted to be asked to one - I'm old now so don't get so many invitations. It's a joyous occasion or at least a chance to dress up and have a bop. I think it's a nice thing to celebrate with your friends if you want to!

As a PP said, don't stress. Most people love a wedding. I went to one recently which was very simple. The bride and groom had asked that people try and buy secondhand rather than new clothes if they felt they needed anything different to wear. The bride's dress and all the bridesmaids' dresses came off eBay, friends chipped in to do some of the catering and generally help out, the couple's friends did the music for the service. It was lovely.

For some, maybe. We’re getting married next month - for weeks now both sides of the family have been saying how excited they are to see extended family for the first big party since covid. My mum commented how nice it will be to see my school friends again. My dad is excited to have a few drinks with my father in law. I live a few hours from my parents so even the prep has given me a reason to be home more frequently. Our friends are telling us they’re excited for a night away and chance to dress up / let their hair down. MIL came dress shopping with me as she’s not done that since she got married.

It’s not just about “me” or my husband it’s about two families getting together & having (I hope) a good time. If we had done what we wanted and not cared about our families we’d have gone abroad and done it there.

Don’t you worry - plan and enjoy your day exactly as you wish, the people who care about you will just want you to be happy and be pleased to be part of that. As much as weddings have trends, these sort of threads become an echo chamber of everyone trying to be the coolest/least interested/most bored etc. Have a wonderful day.

Epic! 😄

And makes for a memorable story!

Oh God, this thread is stressing me out. I'm getting married this year and actually kind of dreading it. We're doing registry office and using an events space our friend owns so not posh - but there are so many people coming. I really wanted to elope but DH (to be) wanted to have a proper wedding with family and friends.

I feel really worried about being the centre of attention and also, weirdly, about people judging me for my choices of wedding day which - as this thread proves - everyone seems to have an opinion on.

I never thought I'd get married. I've been with OH 15 years and I just hope to have a nice day that isn't too overwhelming and where our guests will have a good time.

My wedding reception 40 yrs ago, was in our rented 2 bed flat in Lee Green.
At Lewisham register office. The whole wedding cost max £300.My Mum tried to pawn her charm bracelet to help with the finances.
My step dad, wanted to take me to the register office in a Van, which i declined.
We used my aunts gift of £80.00 to hire a car! It gets worse,my husband and i slept on the floor,while my Mum & stepdad slept in our bed. My Step dad videoed the whole thing, which we never got to view, probably for the best! My Flat smelt of Tom cat's as my mum purchased an insane amount of melons,left out overnight in our kitchen.When we got up the next morning my Mum Stepdad collected all the drink/ left overs & took them home! I have to agree i dislike going to fancy Weddings, its not me! Apart from the fact that we end up usually spending £600+. The most memorable weddings have been done on the cheap but very merry!

That honeymoon sounds bloody amazing!

I agree spend the bulk on the honeymoon as opposed to the ceremony.

I found the idea of dropping 30k for one day really unappealing. It genuinely feels borderline like a scam. For what? A mildly enjoyable experience for people I don’t really care about.

I got married last year - registry office and then a nice restaurant after with immediate family.

The money we saved went on a 6 week honeymoon around the world. Spent around £35k. But we did enjoy some very luxurious hotels and expensive destinations (Japan, Singapore Grand Prix etc).

And DH and I are decently well off (combined salary of £170k). The amount people on low salaries will spend is crazy to me.

They’re naff as fuck. we couldn’t be arsed with the pantomime and eloped. Everybody was pissed off for about five minutes then got over themselves.

My favourite weddings have been those with a real personal touch. Each to their own although we got a lot of grief for travelling abroad to get married by ourselves with lots of mock sad faces on our return - even now twenty years later people ask me if I regret it (not for a second, I loved it).

They just all look the bloody same now.

bell tents, rustic wood, stunning brides, same colours and themes. Boxes of flip flops. All just the same as any other on Instagram.

I have never been to a wedding dictated by the couple of what I can wear etc but I could see that being uncomfortable for guests.

I have rejected invites for weddings as cannot find pretty shoes suitable for my feet - flat, wide toes, weak ankles. Plus comfortable and not stupidly expensive.

I think it’s mad to spend what could be a house deposit on a party. Small laid back weddings are also really romantic imo.

They really are the ultimate ‘look at me’ event. Apart from maybe funerals, but the person at the centre of those tends not to have left their guests bored and starving while they have endless photos taken.

Mostly they are terrible. Long, boring, awful food, loud music, horribly expensive. A small wedding can be nice though.

I don't like weddings and I don't pretend to; I've been to six as an adult and managed to avoid the rest.

But I find the carefully-constrived 'we're all just going to wear grubby jeans and then go to the pub for bacon sandwiches because we're so down to earth' ones far more tedious than the glitterbomb/horsedrawn carriage/firework display ones. At least those give you something to look at.

I've been to a fair share of weddings where the bride has dictated everything even down to what nail colour the guests can have, always found them to be kind of tacky & awkward, at my own wedding I told the guests they could wear whatever they wanted, whatever colour they wanted & to just enjoy it, far less stressful for all involved

I am glad you had a great day, and am on record upthread saying I think people should suit themselves.

You weren’t faced with the dilemma of choosing between the expensive wedding you wanted and a house, however. Paying down the mortgage early is different to getting on the property ladder in the first place

There are so few joyful, accepted rituals in modern British life. Don’t get rid of the weddings too!

No one is suggesting getting rid of them. Your weddings are safe. I don’t think everyone finds them joyful but they aren’t going anywhere. I think some of us just want to have to care a bit less about them is all.

@poetryandwineHowever if the average wedding is now costing over £20K, as stated upthread, then the elaborate ones with ‘princess for a day’ vibes presumably cost more

Interestingly, not in my experience. You can get a package deal at a hotel near me for 5k - 80 guests, sitting on thrones at dinner, photos out in the garden under the pergola, cake, DJ, catering, flowers all included - all these weddings are the same. We had a less formal barn wedding and were 15k for the venue and catering before we even started.

Our wedding cost a lot more than 20k, but before anyone decides to criticise me, we already owned our house. Yes we could have knocked a chunk off the mortgage instead, but we have nice memories. The wedding was a ritual we wanted to have.

I agree with you and find some of the posters views here on marriage only being a big deal to those who have nothing else a bit…weird.

My wedding was a big deal to both our families. It symbolised families coming together, a new unit being born, joy and happiness and excitement. My husband and I are high earners who work in professional services and who have lots to look forward in life but a wedding was a huge deal nonetheless. All my friends who have got married in their late twenties have done so with similar attitudes to their weddings — engaged one year and married the next, none of this hanging about waiting for years and years, married before having children.

I am not British, so forgive my ignorance here, but what I see it’s usually the working classes who wait around for ages and then decide to get married late? It’s a v clear class divide — no one from my university friend group has seriously entertained the idea of kids before marriage; it just would be considered a bit weird.

There are so few joyful, accepted rituals in modern British life. Don’t get rid of the weddings too!

@PontiacFirebird

Personally I think marriage itself benefits men more nowadays

Me too. Unless you’re a SAHM and are planning not to work, marriage is a big risk. I don’t think it’s worth it for working women.

I think they are far more economically independent and powerful than they used to be.
We sure are 😬
Again though, historically marriage has benefitted both men and women, depending on what assets they brought with them.
In my own family women have always worked, always, and lived in extended families before marriage so didn’t actually need husbands economically( and I think that’s true for a lot of working class women in the 19th and 20th centuries))
As to why middle class women might embrace the bells and whistles of weddings- maybe because life can be so casual nowadays- working in tracksuit bottoms, formality optional) that it makes the wedding feel truly important.
Personally I think marriage itself benefits men more nowadays too and im
not mad keen on it for myself but it’s important to a lot of people.

@PontiacFirebird

Fair. I did say I knew I was sounding like a snob and maybe I am, I can own that.

I don’t think working class women don’t have anything to look forward to. I think they are far more economically independent and powerful than they used to be.

I do think marriage has evolved but you talk about the joining of families: true but again what is the value of that to a woman? Marriage has always fundamentally been about money. It still is; it serves to protect the weaker person in the partnership (usually the woman). Love was until recently a side issue in a marriage.

As women become more powerful marriage loses it’s utility to women. I do think it’s bizarre that a ritual which is of declining relevance and utility is so actively promoted and aspired to by women.

I do also think the aesthetic of weddings is usually horrifically tacky. Even the “tasteful” ones. Everything about them is twee and old fashioned and prissy. That’s kind of a side issue but it just adds to my bemusement when so many of my super bright and well educated friends devoted so much time and energy to them.