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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to cancel holiday?

161 replies

Booklover20 · 12/06/2024 09:51

Me and my partner were invited to a ‘friends’ wedding abroad last year.
The invite seemed like a second thought as the bride was struggling for guests and also bridesmaids. I used to work with the bride 4 years ago and kept in contact and meet up for a coffee every now and then, we aren’t close.
i accepted the invite and agreed to being a bridesmaid but it’s caused me nothing but stress, the MOH is horrid and I have had nasty messages from both MOH and MOB,
they are dictating things even down to the colour of my toe nails.
the holiday has cost me and my partner £2.6K which is a lot of money as we’re currently saving for a house.
the hens do was this weekend which I cancelled on and was laid to send £50 for a contribution to food even though I wasn’t going (I still paid for my place etc which I didn’t mind doing) I had to cancel as the stress and awful messages caused me to end up in hospital with the stress of everything giving me blood clots and severe migraines.
i am considering cancelling the holiday as the messages I have received this morning about nail colour have tipped me over the edge, I know I will lose a friendship over this although I don’t really care and wouldn’t miss this friendship either.
i can get £2.2k back and put it in my house deposit pot.
so AIBU to cancel my holiday and not be a bridesmaid in a friends wedding.
ps the wedding is in September

OP posts:
Newestname002 · 12/06/2024 14:26

@Booklover20

I just canceled the holiday and also messaged the bride.
I feel so much better and know this will help relive my stress and help with my physical recovery the stress has caused

^I just told her my exact reasoning,
Hind sight is a really lovely thing and I wished I'd never said yes in the first place. I think I agreed as I felt awful she didn't have many guests or bridesmaids. I've cancelled it now and feel much better!^

Well done OP! You've really stood up for yourself here and the £200 deposit loss is a price worth paying to get out of such a horrible situation with horrible people. No wonder the bride to be fell short of guests agreeing to spend their money to attend her away wedding.

Next time something similar happens, do give yourself a little thinking time (ie: "that sounds lovely but I'd need to see what my partner and I can move around", "I've already got something pencilled in for those dates - may I come back to you as soon as I've been able to confirm my previous commitment"). 🌹

Amsx · 12/06/2024 14:14

Well done. Definitely right decision.

FirstBabySnnorer · 12/06/2024 13:32

Well done. Bride and groom sound horrible.

Lurkingandlearning · 12/06/2024 13:25

Well done for cancelling and texting her.

I’m sorry you’re feeling anxious waiting for her response. I was hoping you’d feel a happy high from the relief it was done.

You’ve given her plenty of notice so try not to let it bother you anymore

longdistanceclaraclara · 12/06/2024 13:07

I went with YABU because it's a ridiculous thing to have agreed to in the first place!

Original poster
Booklover20 · 12/06/2024 12:59

mondaytosunday · 12/06/2024 12:50

You don't need to make up silly excuses. Why you accepted from a friend you aren't even close to is beyond me. Would you consider going but not as part of the wedding party? That will remove you from the issues with MOB and MOH.
I'd be truthful. Say the demands are too much. You can no longer justify the expense. .

I just told her my exact reasoning,
Hind sight is a really lovely thing and I wished I'd never said yes in the first place. I think I agreed as I felt awful she didn't have many guests or bridesmaids. I've cancelled it now and feel much better!

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 12/06/2024 12:50

You don't need to make up silly excuses. Why you accepted from a friend you aren't even close to is beyond me. Would you consider going but not as part of the wedding party? That will remove you from the issues with MOB and MOH.
I'd be truthful. Say the demands are too much. You can no longer justify the expense. .

PinkyFlamingo · 12/06/2024 12:35

You will feel so much better now

SkandiBirds · 12/06/2024 12:27

The best £200 you have ever spent! 👏👏

RunningJo · 12/06/2024 12:25

Good for you for cancelling, it sounds an utter nightmare!. I understand people wanting weddings to be perfect and getting on edge more than normal, but this sounds utterly ridiculous. You are well shot of all of it - including the friendship.

I hope you feel better and no matter what they say, you always have the option of ignoring and blocking.

AmelieTaylor · 12/06/2024 12:24

@Booklover20

well done for cancelling. £200 lost is definitely a price with paying! (It would have cost you WAY more than that there, so you haven't really lost money, you've saved loads more on top of your refund. 🤗

Does the Bride actually know the kind of messages you've been sent???

I hope she replies favourably soon, it would be much nicer! But bottom line is, she a 'bit player' in your life, stop worrying about what she says. If she's shitty, so what? You don't need her in your life!! Plenty of people to have coffee with!!

Naunet · 12/06/2024 12:16

Wow, absolute bunch of piss takers thinking they get to dictate what you do for the whole week! Unbelievable how entitled and lacking in self awareness some people are. Well done for pulling out.

Don’t fret about her reply, she should learn how to treat people if she doesn’t want situations like this to happen.

montelbano · 12/06/2024 12:15

Booklover20 · 12/06/2024 12:08

I completely understand if she upset/ angry.
I am currently waiting for a message back from her and am feeling very anxious awaiting the message.
I am usually very shy and won't rock the boat but know I have done the right thing. Hopefully it will all blow over and I will be left alone x

Show quote history

Try not to feel anxious. You have cancelled for very valid reasons and with months of notice. The whole set-up was ridiculous, very controlling, and very expensive. It may well be that other bridesmaids decide to drop out as well especially after you have had the courage to do so.

Original poster
Booklover20 · 12/06/2024 12:08

loropianalover · 12/06/2024 11:44

Just coming back to say well done for cancelling and sending the message! Always best to bite the bullet and get it over with ASAP.

It’s also understandable that bride is going to be upset and/or angry, but just let it roll off your back. A few choice words from her will be worth not having to go & I bet you’ll start to feel better soon!

I completely understand if she upset/ angry.
I am currently waiting for a message back from her and am feeling very anxious awaiting the message.
I am usually very shy and won't rock the boat but know I have done the right thing. Hopefully it will all blow over and I will be left alone x

OP posts:
Porageeater · 12/06/2024 12:07

That’s mad OP. Well done. You’re well off out of it.

Original poster
Booklover20 · 12/06/2024 12:05

AlanBrendaCelia · 12/06/2024 11:20

Well done, it’ll be a weight of your mind and I’m sure that in turn will help your health.

what were this morning’s messages that tipped you over the edge?

They were silly messages that tipped me over, comments about what I was allowed to wear on the holiday such as no revealing bikinis, no bright nails, no going out without consulting the group.
The holiday was from Sunday-sunday and the wedding was the Friday. But I was having my whole week dictated by this group of women.
They wanted a further £1000 to book things such as spa days, hair and makeup etc all which I simply cannot afford! The stress isn't worth a week in the sun

OP posts:
Original poster
Booklover20 · 12/06/2024 12:03

Starmonkeys · 12/06/2024 11:41

No OP you are not unreasonable I’d do the sane

This is also a lesson not to spend over 2 grand on someone’s wedding that you’re not close with and that you knew was most likely an after thought

I definitely agree! I need to stop being a people pleaser and stand up for myself, I have now learnt I can say no and do what benefits me!

OP posts:
Original poster
Booklover20 · 12/06/2024 12:02

JurassicFantastic · 12/06/2024 11:32

It might be worth asking your doctors if they would provide a medical letter. You might be able to claim on your insurance for the cost of the holiday

Because I had cancelled early enough I only lost £200 for the deposit! That money is worth losing for all the stress that it has relived!x

OP posts:
EscapeTheCastle · 12/06/2024 11:53

Blood clots probably mean no flying for a bit. So remind them of that if they kick off at you.

Beautifulbythebay · 12/06/2024 11:51

I would forward the messages to the bride to be. Bet she has no idea her wedding party are zillas......

GOTBrienne · 12/06/2024 11:50

Well done. Unbelievable how some brides think they own BM especially when you are paying out so much money to go.

Yes put it to your house deposit but use a little for a weekend away as a treat, sound like you need a nice break.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 12/06/2024 11:45

Well done OP

loropianalover · 12/06/2024 11:44

Just coming back to say well done for cancelling and sending the message! Always best to bite the bullet and get it over with ASAP.

It’s also understandable that bride is going to be upset and/or angry, but just let it roll off your back. A few choice words from her will be worth not having to go & I bet you’ll start to feel better soon!

Starmonkeys · 12/06/2024 11:41

No OP you are not unreasonable I’d do the sane

This is also a lesson not to spend over 2 grand on someone’s wedding that you’re not close with and that you knew was most likely an after thought

JurassicFantastic · 12/06/2024 11:32

It might be worth asking your doctors if they would provide a medical letter. You might be able to claim on your insurance for the cost of the holiday