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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to cancel holiday?

161 replies

Booklover20 · 12/06/2024 09:51

Me and my partner were invited to a ‘friends’ wedding abroad last year.
The invite seemed like a second thought as the bride was struggling for guests and also bridesmaids. I used to work with the bride 4 years ago and kept in contact and meet up for a coffee every now and then, we aren’t close.
i accepted the invite and agreed to being a bridesmaid but it’s caused me nothing but stress, the MOH is horrid and I have had nasty messages from both MOH and MOB,
they are dictating things even down to the colour of my toe nails.
the holiday has cost me and my partner £2.6K which is a lot of money as we’re currently saving for a house.
the hens do was this weekend which I cancelled on and was laid to send £50 for a contribution to food even though I wasn’t going (I still paid for my place etc which I didn’t mind doing) I had to cancel as the stress and awful messages caused me to end up in hospital with the stress of everything giving me blood clots and severe migraines.
i am considering cancelling the holiday as the messages I have received this morning about nail colour have tipped me over the edge, I know I will lose a friendship over this although I don’t really care and wouldn’t miss this friendship either.
i can get £2.2k back and put it in my house deposit pot.
so AIBU to cancel my holiday and not be a bridesmaid in a friends wedding.
ps the wedding is in September

OP posts:
Motnight · 12/06/2024 18:52

£2.6k? That's more than I spent on my own wedding 6 years ago 🤣

Booklover20 · 12/06/2024 18:50

tothelefttotheleft · 12/06/2024 18:45

@Booklover20

Have t you lost more than just the £200 holiday deposit?

The food money? The hen do money?

Did you have to buy a bridesmaid's dress etc?

Technically all in I have lost £340
£200 deposit
£130 for the hen do
And the dress was £10
It's money i do not mind losing, yes Ideally I would love this money back but it's money I'm willing to part with so I don't have to go.

OP posts:
tothelefttotheleft · 12/06/2024 18:45

@Booklover20

Have t you lost more than just the £200 holiday deposit?

The food money? The hen do money?

Did you have to buy a bridesmaid's dress etc?

WimbyAce · 12/06/2024 18:11

2.6k for someone else's wedding? F#ck that! Honestly don't know why people do these things. Ridiculous.

HaveSomeIntrospect · 12/06/2024 17:58

Why do people go so crazy about weddings?

You did the right thing op

Sunshineclouds11 · 12/06/2024 17:48

Well done!

Concretejungle1 · 12/06/2024 17:45

Id tell the bride the truth! That the moh has been sending you abusive messages!

Booklover20 · 12/06/2024 17:44

ToxicChristmas · 12/06/2024 17:44

I bet you feel so relieved.
If the bride messages you I would happily explain about the abusive texts and offer to send screenshots. I'd not bother to respond to MOH at all, you don't owe her an explanation. She's not your friend, if she answers to anyone it can be the bride.
If the bride doesn't message it's no great loss. I'd probably prefer that to be honest.

Me too. In secretly hoping I don't get a response and it's just left at this now! X

OP posts:
ToxicChristmas · 12/06/2024 17:44

I bet you feel so relieved.
If the bride messages you I would happily explain about the abusive texts and offer to send screenshots. I'd not bother to respond to MOH at all, you don't owe her an explanation. She's not your friend, if she answers to anyone it can be the bride.
If the bride doesn't message it's no great loss. I'd probably prefer that to be honest.

cheddercherry · 12/06/2024 17:35

You absolutely don’t need to respond to the MOH but if you did reply I’d just bluntly put “maybe see the last weeks worth of messages you’ve sent me and see if you can spot a problem 👍🏻” and block!

Booklover20 · 12/06/2024 17:28

Just for more context, I only know the bride and one other bridesmaid as I worked with her briefly but haven't seen or spoken to her in years.
The bride was my only mutual friend with the MOH, I have never met her before which is what makes this behaviour even more bizarre

OP posts:
Ginkypig · 12/06/2024 17:09

Quittingwifework · 12/06/2024 17:02

its up to you - I do think it’s childish to just block people; it’s the equivalent of sticking your fingers in your ears and going “la la la I am not listening” when in reality you would have been better off explaining you have become unwell due to all the stress and micromanaging (toenail polish ffs).

She did explain herself to the person whose wedding it was. that’s the only person who needed notification.

There is absolutely no reason for these other people to be in contact or even be able to contact with op as she is no longer part of the wedding in any capacity and without the wedding they don’t know each other so contact is irrelevant.

hope you recover quickly @Booklover20

Quittingwifework · 12/06/2024 17:08

Booklover20 · 12/06/2024 17:03

@Quittingwifework
I explained this to them and then removed myself.
I only blocked the MOH as I have had a barrage of abusive messages over the last week from her.
I have blocked no one else, I explained it was due to illness x

Yes ok that makes sense. MOH sounds unhinged!

Quittingwifework · 12/06/2024 17:07

itsgoingtobeabumpyride · 12/06/2024 17:06

Well done! 💯
If the bride comes back to you with a shitty comment screenshot the abusive messages from the moh and send them to her and say this is why I'm not coming, I wanted to spare your feelings but the abuse & stress from the moh is the reason I'm ill.

This is a great idea!

Gcsunnyside23 · 12/06/2024 17:07

Wow you definitely did the right thing here op. Hope you start to feel better soon

itsgoingtobeabumpyride · 12/06/2024 17:06

Well done! 💯
If the bride comes back to you with a shitty comment screenshot the abusive messages from the moh and send them to her and say this is why I'm not coming, I wanted to spare your feelings but the abuse & stress from the moh is the reason I'm ill.

Booklover20 · 12/06/2024 17:06

@loropianalover
Thank you!
Yes this is what I was trying to say.
I have left all the chats as I don't need to be in them anymore x

OP posts:
Toastcrumbsinsofa · 12/06/2024 17:04

Quittingwifework · 12/06/2024 17:02

its up to you - I do think it’s childish to just block people; it’s the equivalent of sticking your fingers in your ears and going “la la la I am not listening” when in reality you would have been better off explaining you have become unwell due to all the stress and micromanaging (toenail polish ffs).

I don’t agree. It’s far less stressful just blocking people rather than trying to explain or justify yourself.

loropianalover · 12/06/2024 17:03

poolemoney · 12/06/2024 17:01

Edit: not relevant following OP's clarification.

Edited

I presume OP means she has left the chats, and MOH etc have brought this up (asking why or giving out about it).

OP is saying it’s surely her choice to not participate I think.

Booklover20 · 12/06/2024 17:03

@Quittingwifework
I explained this to them and then removed myself.
I only blocked the MOH as I have had a barrage of abusive messages over the last week from her.
I have blocked no one else, I explained it was due to illness x

OP posts:
Quittingwifework · 12/06/2024 17:02

poolemoney · 12/06/2024 17:01

Edit: not relevant following OP's clarification.

Edited

sorry yes you should def leave the chats if you’re not coming to the wedding

Toastcrumbsinsofa · 12/06/2024 17:02

Booklover20 · 12/06/2024 16:46

She messaged saying was there a reason I have blocked her number and on Facebook because she didn't think there was a problem between us

Block them on Instagram and Facebook too!

Quittingwifework · 12/06/2024 17:02

Booklover20 · 12/06/2024 16:59

There was also mention of me removing myself from group chats. Am I right in thinking I don't owe anyone an exolaination and can decide for myself what chats I participate in?
I was under the impression as an adult I can choose 😂

its up to you - I do think it’s childish to just block people; it’s the equivalent of sticking your fingers in your ears and going “la la la I am not listening” when in reality you would have been better off explaining you have become unwell due to all the stress and micromanaging (toenail polish ffs).

poolemoney · 12/06/2024 17:01

Booklover20 · 12/06/2024 16:59

There was also mention of me removing myself from group chats. Am I right in thinking I don't owe anyone an exolaination and can decide for myself what chats I participate in?
I was under the impression as an adult I can choose 😂

Edit: not relevant following OP's clarification.

Booklover20 · 12/06/2024 16:59

Booklover20 · 12/06/2024 16:46

She messaged saying was there a reason I have blocked her number and on Facebook because she didn't think there was a problem between us

There was also mention of me removing myself from group chats. Am I right in thinking I don't owe anyone an exolaination and can decide for myself what chats I participate in?
I was under the impression as an adult I can choose 😂

OP posts: