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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to cancel holiday?

161 replies

Booklover20 · 12/06/2024 09:51

Me and my partner were invited to a ‘friends’ wedding abroad last year.
The invite seemed like a second thought as the bride was struggling for guests and also bridesmaids. I used to work with the bride 4 years ago and kept in contact and meet up for a coffee every now and then, we aren’t close.
i accepted the invite and agreed to being a bridesmaid but it’s caused me nothing but stress, the MOH is horrid and I have had nasty messages from both MOH and MOB,
they are dictating things even down to the colour of my toe nails.
the holiday has cost me and my partner £2.6K which is a lot of money as we’re currently saving for a house.
the hens do was this weekend which I cancelled on and was laid to send £50 for a contribution to food even though I wasn’t going (I still paid for my place etc which I didn’t mind doing) I had to cancel as the stress and awful messages caused me to end up in hospital with the stress of everything giving me blood clots and severe migraines.
i am considering cancelling the holiday as the messages I have received this morning about nail colour have tipped me over the edge, I know I will lose a friendship over this although I don’t really care and wouldn’t miss this friendship either.
i can get £2.2k back and put it in my house deposit pot.
so AIBU to cancel my holiday and not be a bridesmaid in a friends wedding.
ps the wedding is in September

OP posts:
AmIEnough · 14/06/2024 08:54

Ragwort · 12/06/2024 09:55

Cancel ... if the stress before the wedding is enough to put you in hospital I hate to think what could happen during the wedding. Send a polite letter, message (whatever is your normal style of communication) explaining that due to serious health issues and recent treatment in hospital you are no longer able to attend the wedding.

This!! Although I may be inclined to explain why you ended up in hospital but that’s just my way. If there’s one thing I’ve learnt in life, it’s to go with my gut instinct which I have often gone against to the detriment of my well-being or mental health or enjoyment of a situation so if you’re having doubts definitely cancel and save the money for your home or use the money to go on a lovely holiday with your husband, nobody deserves to be made to feel like this. Good luck.

Toptops · 13/06/2024 21:37

Well done you!
I really recognise that feeling of the weight dropping off you when you've let someone know you're out of the arrangement.
Now time for you to de-stress.....

finalboss · 13/06/2024 20:45

Sprinklesandsprinkles · 12/06/2024 19:47

@HelloCheekyCat little details can add up! Say you are all wearing open toed shoes and say a blush pink dress, somebody with blue toenails would stand out. If they were all blush pink it would tie in nicely together

If I was getting married and told my friends that they had to have their toe nails a certain colour as bridesmaids, they would fall about laughing and then tell me to get a fucking grip of myself.

Mrsgreen100 · 13/06/2024 20:23

Cancelled don’t feel guilty live your life your way

DisabledDemon · 13/06/2024 20:20

I can get my head around the matching toenails thing but no revealing bikinis? Presumably you're not wearing a bikini at the wedding so what business is it of anyone else?

BMW6 · 13/06/2024 19:42

Sprinklesandsprinkles · 12/06/2024 19:47

@HelloCheekyCat little details can add up! Say you are all wearing open toed shoes and say a blush pink dress, somebody with blue toenails would stand out. If they were all blush pink it would tie in nicely together

I have news for you.

NO-ONE WOULD CARE OR EVEN NOTICE
(With the exception of a few Anally Retentive Arses)

custardcreme77 · 13/06/2024 19:22

A bonus is that you don’t have to find money for a wedding present, now. More money for your new house fund.

ilovegranny · 13/06/2024 19:05

See previous thread about big weddings being over. Good for you.

Popcornready · 13/06/2024 18:23

Cancel if it’s causing this much stress just on the hen activities.
your health is more important than any event

DaxieTaxi · 13/06/2024 17:59

What is it about weddings that turn people into such nightmares? I’ve read countless posts on here and other forums about brides to be being incredibly unreasonable in their demands of their bridesmaids and guests to the point they end up ill like you did, or worrying themselves sick/ losing sleep etc. It sounds to me in your case, the bride might not know what the MOH and MOB are doing though. I’m so pleased you did the right thing OP well done. You might be pleasantly surprised by the bride’s reaction if you’ve explained how the behaviour has affected you. Fingers crossed you can now move on and keep your money for something worthwhile.

NoveltyCereal · 13/06/2024 01:07

Well done you!

To be honest, if it were me, I'd also make it my mission that the MOH and MOB find out that their behaviour was so unacceptable that this led to the stress and you having to withdraw. I'm not a nice person so setting off a fire between the bride, MOH and MOB would delight me as those latter two deserve nothing less by the sounds of it.

Ginkypig · 13/06/2024 00:51

Booklover20 · 12/06/2024 18:50

Technically all in I have lost £340
£200 deposit
£130 for the hen do
And the dress was £10
It's money i do not mind losing, yes Ideally I would love this money back but it's money I'm willing to part with so I don't have to go.

Think of it as a £340 lesson.

you paid £340 to learn never put up with shit like that ever again!

Delphiniumandlupins · 12/06/2024 23:24

Sprinklesandsprinkles · 12/06/2024 19:47

@HelloCheekyCat little details can add up! Say you are all wearing open toed shoes and say a blush pink dress, somebody with blue toenails would stand out. If they were all blush pink it would tie in nicely together

The issue is that nobody, except the bride, is going to notice or remember the bridesmaids' toe nail polish. It's absolutely the kind of detail that brides obsess over but no-one else cares.

FairFuming · 12/06/2024 20:52

I can't believe they expected money for food for the hen do when you didn't go! That's terrible before you take into account that you didn't co because you were in hospital!!! Bet she was messaging to tell you you owe money for activities she's booked already. Hope you feel better soon!

GOTBrienne · 12/06/2024 20:06

They will try and give you grief now because these things include shared costs and now MOH will have to pay more. Which is her fault anyway.

Ineedaholidayyyy · 12/06/2024 19:56

This is the third thread I've seen today about weddings and ridiculous requests. I disagree with the PP and think asking some to wear a certain colour of toe polish is just ridiculous 🙄

Good on you , you've made the right decision and you must feel relieved. No wedding or event is worth getting into stress and poorly over. It's no wonder she doesn't have many friends or guests to invite.

Sprinklesandsprinkles · 12/06/2024 19:47

@HelloCheekyCat little details can add up! Say you are all wearing open toed shoes and say a blush pink dress, somebody with blue toenails would stand out. If they were all blush pink it would tie in nicely together

HelloCheekyCat · 12/06/2024 19:37

Sprinklesandsprinkles · 12/06/2024 19:21

It's so bad it's making you feel this stressed so I agree you should pull out. However I think that matching toenails isn't an unreasonable request at all

Really?! Who looks at the bridesmaids toe nails 😆

OnlyFannys · 12/06/2024 19:32

I feel relieved for you OP! Well done for putting yourself first

SheerLucks · 12/06/2024 19:29

Well done OP!!

These ridiculous bridezillas milking their tiny window of entitlement is just laughable!!

PussInBin20 · 12/06/2024 19:24

Maybe you now know why she didn’t have many guests!

Booklover20 · 12/06/2024 19:22

Sprinklesandsprinkles · 12/06/2024 19:21

It's so bad it's making you feel this stressed so I agree you should pull out. However I think that matching toenails isn't an unreasonable request at all

It's definitely not unreasonable, it was just the straw that broke the camels back.
There have been so many ridiculous requests that I just cannot even entertain it anymore

OP posts:
Sprinklesandsprinkles · 12/06/2024 19:21

It's so bad it's making you feel this stressed so I agree you should pull out. However I think that matching toenails isn't an unreasonable request at all

TheLadyOfTheFlowers · 12/06/2024 19:13

They sound absolute nutters!

Well done you for leaving them all to implode without you

romdowa · 12/06/2024 19:00

I would bet that between now and September others will also pull out. What outrageous carry on from them , totally unreasonable