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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think death is expensive.

209 replies

Dinoswearunderpants · 12/06/2024 09:29

I just still can’t get over the cost of death/funerals in this country.

My Dad recently passed away and I had to arrange everything. There was a small funeral plan (Sunlife who were horrific to deal with!) in place but there was still a few hundred pounds shortfall I paid. My dad honestly thought he had enough money to full pay for his funeral and a little left over. No other assets and sadly a few debts.

He died in the hospital (which I blame for his death but that’s another matter) and we had to pay £82 just for a doctor to declare him dead. That’s utter madness! That was an itemised item on the funeral home invoice.

To transfer him 10 mins from the hospital to the funeral home, £280. To get him dressed £200. We didn’t choose embalming or to view him but if we had wanted to, embalming would have been £200 and £50 for each viewing.

Dad said he wanted a cardboard box for his coffin as it was "going to get burnt anyways" (his words) those coffins cost way more than the MDF ones. The wicker ones started at £1500.

I feel like it’s all so expensive. The ‘professional fees’ for the funeral home were £1200. Everything else was charged separate. In total it cost £5,500. My poor dad was a pensioner on state pension, had bugger all to show for all his hard work. I wish he could have used that £5,500 to enjoy life a little more.

I’m not really sure of the purpose of this post but it’s also to maybe get people talking about death and funerals. A huge issue I had was his paperwork was all over the place. I only found the life insurance policy numbers from his direct debits. I’ve just bought an A-Z book so I can keep a list of all my important details such as pensions, life policies etc to try and make it easier to contact everyone in the event of my death.

Just to add even more issues, DWP paid Dad his pension for a full month and now they're asking me (because I informed them of his death) for the overpayment back. It's about £150. I can't believe they're going after me for it. He literally had zero money left after the funeral was paid. The money in his account (which included this pension payment) went straight to paying for his funeral.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dinoswearunderpants · 12/06/2024 09:49

Gettingbysomehow · 12/06/2024 09:44

Wow that is ridiculous!!! I've told my son in no uncertain terms I don't want a funeral. I've already paid for my direct cremation which at the time of paying was 1k. I dont like funerals and I don't want one. I've asked him to scatter my ashes in my favourite place and one of my pagan friends will say a few words.
I had no idea it cost that much for a doctor to confirm the death. I assumed that would be free 😮

I think a lot of people don't know the full cost. I'm hoping this might help some people as I was so shocked.

OP posts:
RickyGervaislovesdogs · 12/06/2024 09:47

DWP paid Dad his pension for a full month and now they're asking me (because I informed them of his death) for the overpayment back. It's about £150. I can't believe they're going after me for it.

If you told them and they continued to pay it- there’s nothing they can do. It’s their fault.

hellsbells99 · 12/06/2024 09:46

@Dinoswearunderpants just to let you know, your DH needs to fill in the paperwork for this whilst he is still alive. You cannot do this once he has died.

usernother · 12/06/2024 09:46

When my mum died, like your dad she only had her state pension, she didn't leave any money at all so I had to pay for her funeral. I didn't mind and had to put it all on a credit card, but it's one of the reasons I get cross with people on here moaning about their inheritances.

Gettingbysomehow · 12/06/2024 09:44

Wow that is ridiculous!!! I've told my son in no uncertain terms I don't want a funeral. I've already paid for my direct cremation which at the time of paying was 1k. I dont like funerals and I don't want one. I've asked him to scatter my ashes in my favourite place and one of my pagan friends will say a few words.
I had no idea it cost that much for a doctor to confirm the death. I assumed that would be free 😮

Original poster
Dinoswearunderpants · 12/06/2024 09:42

My husband has clearly said he'd like to donate his body to medical research. I hve no clue how to do this but I'll look it up when I need to. He said he believes they will then cremate once they're finished with it.

I said we'd just have a big pee up for him to celebrate his long life. That seems to be the way forward but I know people use the funeral as a form of 'closure'.

OP posts:
Sunnysal · 12/06/2024 09:42

A direct cremation costs just over 2000 pounds. Collect the body and return the ashes. Still a sum but not ridiculous.

Notmydaughteryoubitch · 12/06/2024 09:41

My uncle died recently and left no estate - it cost us about £1300 all in for a direct cremation and then a memorial service which we did ourselves. We didn't have the money for a funeral but actually the memorial was gorgeous and everyone who attended felt it worked really well. So it can be done cheaper but agree there are lots of costs when people die.

HumerousHumous · 12/06/2024 09:37

Sorry for your loss, op.

I agree, funerals are hideously expensive. DM's cost about 7.5k to include two cars and a willow coffin. Her wake was £2k which were her wishes as she had lots of friends, so getting on for £10k. She was fortunate to have had a life insurance policy in place to pay for it though.

Even direct cremation is very expensive. There needs to be another cheaper option which is even more basic or simplified than DC but I cannot work out how that would work to reduce costs. You still have to go through a professional funeral director either way and that is where the cost lies.

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