AIBU to think death is expensive.

Eight years ago, funeral and wake cost £12k. Don't die just after the new year when there's a backlog of deaths and funeral directors have a wait list, as do the crematoriums. Religious ceremony, flowers, whatever coffin fits, regardless of cost. Cemetery plot etc, all add up. Dying isn't cheap.

We're just in the process of organising MIL funeral. FIL died in 2017, and for the exact same funeral (humanist celebrant, at the crem, then cremated) it is almost £3k more today. It's crazy.

Both my grandparents wanted to donate their bodies for research and filled in all the forms etc - but when the time came they weren’t wanted! They died more than 20 years apart so I can only assume the medical schools are constantly overrun with donations 😐

It seems like a good idea but I think you should have a back up plan just in case.

I’ve been to a lot of funerals recently and interestingly although they were all well off they were very simple.

No-one has had cars for relatives, and just a single flower arrangement. But I know they were still in the £10k ballpark.

The funerals I went to a decade or more ago always had cars. I think it’s good that they are trimmed down.

My parents have paid for theirs. I haven’t but I know what I want and there will be money for it as my death in service benefit at work is a lot. I’m having a green burial. I’m not bothered about a service but will leave that to family to decide.

My experience of my DF dying was that it was very easy to rack up the costs especially when you are grieving and only want the best for your loved one.

Am sure this why my DM has paid for direct cremation.

Also bear in mind that, depending on a number of different factors, they may well find that they don't want/can't use the body at the time, so you may need to make other arrangements after all.

We had a friend who had put plans in place to leave his body 'to science', but on his death, they had to decline it, leaving his DDs rushing around to arrange a last-minute funeral and, presumably, also find the money to pay for it all.

When he was 8 years old, his parents had been told to say their Goodbyes to him and not bother making plans to visit him again the following day, as he had a few medical conditions and complications and 'wouldn't survive the night'. In spite of the fact that it had to be organised with very little notice, it was indeed a beautiful funeral for this much-loved gentleman, who left us a few months short of his 90th birthday!

My Mums funeral was £4.5k, she had enough money to cover it.
The funeral home did try to charge me £10 for "viewing" but as we didn't I insisted they remove that - apparently she was pay per view!!!
We paid for the things she would have wanted (willow coffin) and 1 big flower arrangement but we drove ourselves there. It would have been very easy to add things on and make it more expensive but we didn't see the point

https://www.gov.uk/funeral-payments

there is some help if on benefits (link here incase it is helpful to someone)

but yes - death is very expensive.

Sorry for your loss.

It’s common practice for DWP to ask for the pension back. And whilst funerals are expensive, let’s be honest it’s not a pleasant field to work in. Moving bodies from hospitals to funeral homes is not something I could do, so £280 sounds reasonable for that.

Like you said, people need to be aware a standard funeral is going to be between 3-5k and it’s a great idea to pay for it before the inevitable.

@Dinoswearunderpants have a chat with your DH about what he really wants.

If it is to be useful does he want to be a tissue donor? Almost everyone can donate their corneas while very very few of us can be organ donors.

If it is medical research then he could consider a brain bank where everything is used for research.

If he is happy to be dissected by medical students then he can sign up to a medical school. He and you need to bear in mind they are very picky about who they accept, won't pick you up if you are far away and only make a final decision after death.

For the last 2 options he needs to have signed up with an institution before he dies.

When I discuss this with people who have said 'medical research ' they often change their minds for tissue donation as what they really want is to be useful.

Yes, it is expensive. Mum left money in her account for what she thought would cover it but it barely covered half. My brother and I went halves on the rest but I still had to use my credit card as more than I could take out of my current account.

Wow I’m quite shocked at the cost it’s not something I’ve had to give thought to. it’s not like there are many places you can cut costs either, it’s not like you can transport a dead body yourself or make a diy coffin so you are at the mercy of the professionals.

Sorry for your loss OP I can see why the funeral process and costs must be galling.

I've paid for my funeral.. even if the costs go up.. it's gaurenteed to honor the costs.
My parents had life insurance and it more than covered theirs with money left over .
The wake is as expensive or as cheap as you want it to be.. ( can have it at home with tea and biscuits).
You have broken down the costs..
All my daughters need to do is phone one number and everything is taken care off.. except registering my death.
There is adverts on TV and the Internet about getting insurance or a funeral plan.
I'm so glad you have brought this to attention on here..
More people need to realise to put their finances and funeral costs into action
. Especially for their loved ones.
Remember with direct cremations.. no one attends and your loved ones might not like that.. it's not for everyone.

Itbis expensive but that’s what funeral plans are for. Direct cremation is a lot cheaper. There is help available if there’s no money, the council will arrange a basic funeral. I don’t believe there should be further help available, there’s already help available and cheaper options but if people want a different or more expensive funeral then that’s up to them to pay.

@Dinoswearunderpants Totally agree that dying is expensive (having had 4 first/second deg relatives die in the last few years, it costs a fortune and is exhausting). For clarity though, the £82 fee would have been for the cremation form 4 rather than the medical certification of death. The reason for that for attracting a fee is that it confirms that a) there is nothing that could harm either the crematorium staff/equipment and b) there's nothing that needs further consideration before cremation. There is no fee simply for certifying death and if someone has chosen burial rather than cremation then they don't need the form 4 completing.

Wow - that's an obscene amount of money! I wonder if the fact that we don't talk about death, funerals, etc in this country means that the funeral business can get away with charging what they want. I'd heard that direct cremation has risen in popularity due to the cost of funerals, but £2000 isn't exactly cheap!

Sorry for your loss op.

YANBU regarding costs.

Sounds awful OP. There should be cheaper options available. Cardboard coffin more than horrible MDF one? Crazy.

Check out what whichever institution he would donate to does with remains afterwards. I know the university I work at returns them to the family for burial/cremation after they’ve been used for training medical students, so cost not affected.

Direct cremation is the way to go. I think you can still get it for under 1.5k. When I brought it up with my partner, he was horrified. He wants a "proper" funeral. So I told him he needs to start saving up because I am not interested in forking out for this.
Personally, I don't give a toss about what happens after I die. I'd rather my loved ones had a proper piss up with the leftover money so I am definitely going for direct cremation option.

@Dinoswearunderpants I'm sorry for your loss.

Your DH needs to look into that, as the scope for medical research is very limited and they have very set criteria on who they can accept and when. There are lots of causes of death which preclude acceptance. They also need him to organise it while he's with us - family can't make the donation without him having given consent. Essentially, he needs a back up plan.

https://www.hta.gov.uk/guidance-public/body-organ-and-tissue-donation/body-donation-medical-schools

Direct cremation is the cheapest option these days.

People should also know about a Public Health Funeral if they can't afford to pay - the council will pay for what's probably better known as a paupers funeral.

www.simplicity.co.uk/advice/paupers-funeral