AIBU to think death is expensive.

My mum's cost me £1200, one step up from direct cremation so we got 15 mins in the chapel to say goodbye and play a couple of tunes. We then had a party on a friend's land a month later with a bonfire and music and dancing.

Back in 1995 I went to a medical school that didn't do dissection so it isn't true that it only happened in 2002.

I know some medical schools sell themselves on offering dissection but I don't think we missed out by not doing it.

It does not work like that sadly. I got a demand for payment fir both my Mum and Dad when they died.

DWP - The actual wording on the letter isn't a demand, it's more of a request. If it was a demand they'd be giving you a date when it had to be paid by and the possible consequences of not paying it.
They're obliged to ask for the money back but if you ignore the letter you won't hear from them again.

To be fair, to an extent, that's only like most businesses. The stock delivery room out the back of Sainsbury's won't look anything as polished as the main shop. That's the whole principle that Argos worked with successfully for decades.

However sensitively you present it to grieving families, the fundamental function of their business is to dispose of dead bodies.

I do agree that there should definitely be a certain standard in the back, though. Pretty isn't necessary; functional is fine, as long as basic dignity is respected. But some of the shocking horror stories you hear of, like those poor families in Humberside had to endure, are an absolute disgrace and should be clamped down on and punished very heavily indeed.

Only one doctor completes the medical certification of death (but that may involve liaison with the coroner's office in more complicated cases). It also isn't 'taking time from our other duties' as it is one of our duties. The payment for the cremation form though is a separate issue and is because that is an individual's choice (they don't have to be cremated) and does carry quite high risk if it's done wrong (pacemakers for example are hugely problematic if they get cremated).

Thank you so much for this, i am sorry for your loss

It doesn't have to be. I've paid £1200 to have a direct cremation.

There are a lot of burdens we take on in life.

When I die that's someone else's problem.

The DWP won't pursue you for the money. I had the exact same thing happen when my Dad died. I phoned them and told them there was no money left in his estate and that was that. They were very helpful. I believe if you ignore the letter, then they don't chase it up, I'm pretty sure the letter was actually even worded to that effect, but I forget now.

I hope that helps x

Sorry for your loss, op.

For your DH, this article explains the process to donate your body. The great cadaver shortage: inside doctors’ latest crisis

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/1890fd36-ac4c-45ac-9e98-4972fd3eb651?shareToken=e0882b2209ba523fcc3ec33298b89f20

It needs to be set up by your DH while he is alive.

Sorry, it should be dealt with under probate. I can’t edit.

This is the other side of the coin, I think. Undertakers (the honourable ones) don't want to leave you in hardship or feeling rinsed by only giving you the basics; but equally, they will know that those who can (somehow) afford it will want all of the special expensive options as a last tribute to their loved one, knowing that it's a one-off opportunity that they will get

@Dinoswearunderpants

I'm gobsmacked that you were charged £50 to view.

My wife passed away in January and I was told as long as I gave them notice I could visit and sit with my wife as often, and for as long, as I wanted.

The notice was so they could move my wife into a small chapel of rest. Very peaceful.

And I won't ever buy a funeral plan. I know the regulations are changing but too many companies have gone bust and that money is gone. I've set aside a separate bank account with much more than will be needed (I want basics).

It's weird, isn't it? One of the significant large purchases that you will make in life, and comparing costs of different providers is so awkward, although theoretically very feasible.

As was said upthread, there's potentially a fine line for the undertakers to tread - in that, if they mention the costs of all options as they go, it seems a little crass and disrespectful; but if they don't, people will later see the bill and accuse them of cashing in on the sly wherever they possibly can.

Then again, a lot of the costs are fixed or vary little - especially those of third parties that they settle on your behalf. It's not really like a wedding, where the basic essentials only cost a couple of hundred quid and then you can spend another £1k/£20K/£50K/£100K on top to personalise it however you like (or not).

I do think it's a bit suspicious how little the prices of different coffins vary, though. Even the very cheapest of materials will often only cost maybe 20-30% less than solid oak. Possibly because the cheap coffins are also made by the same companies who make the no-expenses-spared ones, and they don't want to do themselves out of earnings?!

I’ve just bought an A-Z book so I can keep a list of all my important details such as pensions, life policies etc to try and make it easier to contact everyone in the event of my death.
I too have done this.

We recently had a direct cremation for a loved one and that was £1,800 which I thought was expensive, but no separate Drs fees, so at least that covered everything. We just weren’t in a position to have a funeral, I’m so sad about it now, and I know many friends and loved ones wanted to give them a send off. A good send off really does help with the grieving process.

The back of every funeral directors I've been to has been very different to the viewing room at the front.

Varies from kind of clinical looking to outright shockingly run down.

Who is dealing with your father’s estate? Send the DWP demand there and they ei dem won’t it u demotivate, usually if there are no funds left they tell them that and that’s it. They are contacting you I the hope you will pay but it should be dealt with by the executor of his estate.

But the body will be at the funeral director's and I'm pretty sure they wouldn't just allow the deceased's family to go into the back areas of the funeral home and dress their loved one. Plus, I'm guessing it's not that easy to dress a corpse.

I remember watching a series on US TV about 15 years ago about a funeral home in California and it was very eye-opening what goes on behind the scenes - how the mortician prepares the body for burial, cleans them, dresses them, etc.

I think the thing you can save money on is the wake. Renting a church hall is usually very inexpensive, or using your own home/garden. Depends on the size of the event, I suppose. The most recent funeral I went to was attended by about 200 people and the wake must've set the family back a lot of money, because it wasn't just tea and biscuits, it was alcohol and food, etc.

YABU. If you want people's professional services, you have to pay for them. Two doctors need to certify death, taking time from their other duties - of course they should be paid.
I know from experience that a good funeral director is worth their weight in gold, can guide you through the whole process and remove all the stress.
And you do still have the option of a direct cremation, which will be a bit cheaper.

My parents have a funeral plan and it is agreed that if they ever struggle to pay for it we will take the payments over as that would be best overall. My only sibling has a life limiting illness, no partner and we have savings put aside specifically to cover the cost of their funeral when it is needed, hopefully not for a long time yet, same with my parents.

I see that these pure cremation plans are more and more popular and I think cost must be a big factor. I just don't know. In a sense when the person is dead they are no longer there and the body is just a shell but I think that by doing away with a formal funeral it does feel like death is brushed under the carpet a bit. It is good for us to be able to say a formal public goodbye and to acknowledge death and loss of life as a part of our existence in some kind of formal way which has been part of human culture since forever.

I suppose it is also fair that the people who deal with us in that time, hopefully highly trained and experienced people doing a job not everyone could be well paid for it and to do it all with the dignity we would hope for doesn't come cheap.

I think we all need to think about what matter to us and the people we are closest to and then make plans accordingly to make things as easy as we can for them when we go.

This is upsetting, I am sorry op and it is not something I'd thought about so thank you.

Can I ask a sensitive but sad question - we have life insurance, does that cover funeral costs? Or should I get funeral insurance? Or just try to save money for it? I am 44 and tbh I don't think I could maintain a 'funeral fund' so maybe insurance is better?