AIBU to think death is expensive.

www.moorebarlow.com/blog/can-you-bury-a-body-on-private-land-your-key-questions-answered/

www.orbitas.co.uk/bereavement-services/useful-information/arranging-a-funeral-without-a-funeral-director.aspx#:~:text=Although%20most%20people%20are%20happy,turn%20out%20to%20be%20a

We had a direct cremation for my dad. We are going to put his ashes in the spot in the fields that he requested,( so he can keep an eye on us all),with an oak tree to remember him by.
We plan to take him from his house to the farm in his Triumph Spitfire,then down the fields on the back of one of his tractors. When my mum told the Dr who was writing the death certificate this,he said that it was the loveliest thing that he'd ever heard,and refused to charge us for the certificate,which was very kind.

The rest of us are going to do the same and be planted in the same field,with a tree each. There should be a nice little copse there eventually.

I had no idea this was legal.

You can also bury a person in private land - so if you own your garden, you can do that. It's perfectly legal. We have been sold a lie, that undertakers are mandatory.

I was amazed to discover, when I did a death doula course, that you do not need to use an undertakers at all. Somehow we have this assumption that a person dies, you HAVE to have an undertaker, cos it's the law. Not true.

Death certificate yes.
You can take the deceased home in the back of your car - I'm not kidding, it's perfectly legal - and keep them there - leave windows open and cool the room, heating off, ice packs around them .

Then you ring the crematorium and book a slot.

Then you wrap the deceased in their favourite blankets, back in the car, off to the crematorium, you speak some loving words, job done

I recently registered to do this. He needs to do so while he's alive and sign for it and have a witness signature too.

I live in Oxfordshire so it's oxford uni where my body will be sent, but he just needs to have a quick Google and can find out how and where to apply to.

When.my grandparent died DWP overpaid and asked for money back. My mum called asking for a few weeks to pay it as we didn't have access to her account and they wrote it off. My mum said she didn't need them to she just needed some time, but they just wrote it off. So do call and see, especially when in the grand scheme of things it's not a huge sum of money.

Don’t pay the DWP from your own money, you are not liable for his overpayment, if there is no money then they write it off.

I totally agree. Both my parents had a direct cremation with no service. That was still over a £1000 each to collect from the hospital and cremate the body, but much cheaper than your father's funeral.

Yes it is. We are dealing with MIL death and it surprised me how much we have had to pay out. Fortunately we have savings we've used and we will get it back from her accounts etc when it's sorted but it must be so stressful for people who don't have any money to sort things out. Just adds more awfulness to a horrible time.

Saying would you like to do it, is a pointless question to ask since you don't have to do it - there are other jobs - you choose this one. Expecting us to think of the poor funeral people instead of the sometimes extremely impoverished grieving families is a stretch.
And you know we have no choice but to pay

As someone who has recently started working in the funeral business as a casual helper you are dead right excuse the pun.

People need to consider that people like me have to be on call 24 hours a day, go out in all winds and weather's to pick up a dead body. My boss is struggling to get anyone prepared to do this. He pays 2 of us £100 to collect a body. Plus running suitable vehicles, having correct storage for bodies.

He has to prepare the body, as it's not common to embalm in the UK there is a risk, if there is a delay for whatever reason ,(like the 3 month delay we had recently when the family were arguing who was going to pay)

A new hearse is over £170k. Limos are also expensive.

There is a lot of time spent on organising, liaison with crems, churches, family, printers.

Yes they make money, but would you like to pick up a dead person straight from the autopsy suite, y incision clearly visible...which was my first job

@saltinesandcoffeecups that's such a lovely and thoughtful thing to do - I really appreciate people like you.

@Ethelswith - Thank you x

I think you've been a bit ripped off there. I know funeral plans are all different, but the only thing not covered by my Dad's (who died late last year) was the embalming fluid, which made me laugh. Of all the things not to be included, ffs. Charging £50 a visit to view the body is bloody outrageous. We were allowed to go as many times as we wanted, so my mum obviously went a few times. No charge at all. They couldn't have been kinder either. Death is big business but there are still decent undertakers out there.

I was so intrigued I just looked up SunLife's plans, @catofglory. I realise you've cancelled it now, but it definitely still says "Putting a plan in place for paying for your own funeral could ensure that all these costs are covered, no matter how much funeral costs increase in the future"

Unfortunately the first google result was a warning about a scam where you get calls to ask for transfers to top up a plan ... I do hope you weren't subject to one of those

Just make sure someone has legal access to that money when you die. I’m in the US and assets are regularly frozen upon death which means that people have to scramble for funds before the estate is placed in probate.

in a former life (and job) one of my worst days was when I was informed on a recorded line that someone had died. I had to immediately lock the account and explain to a little old lady why 🥺

After that day I got pretty good at spotting the situations before the person said anything to clearly and would start coughing.. tell them I had a bad connection then answer the question that I thought I had heard them ask which was “what happens to a joint account when one of the owners dies”.

Funny thing almost all of those calls ended with a balance inquiry or a withdrawal request.

I got a fair few heartfelt thank yous for that random answer I gave them which apparently excused my interruption.

Is this in Kent by any chance? I used to know a chap whose family businesses were Funeral Directors and builders, and they started off exactly the same way in the 1800s, as carpenters making coffins. He had some cracking stories. Couldn’t visit any friends in hospital as the other patients panicked when they saw him stroll down the ward, thinking he was there to measure them up. The staff asked him not to come any more.

Funeral costs can come as a shock to anyone who’s never had to organise one before. But when you think it’s a business where you have to do things properly otherwise it falls apart badly (as the recent case in Hull showed), and not cutting corners takes money. Tons of paperwork, liaising with the crematoria and the graveyards, expensive facilities to securely store the deceased at cold temperatures, processes to make sure the right body goes to the right funeral, customised vehicles are expensive to buy and maintain - the list goes on.

It starts right after death as you have to pay the registrar for every copy of the death certificate. I’d accept having to pay for duplicates, but no, even the first one incurred a charge. For some people even that tenner is a big deal. Outrageous.

... they have to have premises with cold storage, 24 hour access, and special waste disposal. They need to staff those premises and have staff on call 24 hours a day

They need too have this somewhere, yes, but certainly not at every premises.
I can't speak for elsewhere, but around my way they do all the embalming/storage at a central premises which most FDs use, and even the 24/7 callouts are done by staff from that facility rather each being handled by an individual company if that makes sense?

Obviously each FD will have to pay for this, and of course there's the transportation for viewings to cover as well, but at least it means there aren't a couple of staff losing sleep through being on call all the time

And I don't blame you for cancelling that SunLife plan, @catofglory - maybe some differ, but aren't most sold on the basis of a one off payment and then not having to think about it again unless you want extras when the time comes?

Was there a cultural or legal reason why you couldn't have organised the wake yourself, if they couldn't be bothered?

It seems a great shame to have missed out unless your hands really were tied.

Wow, so it appears that they only actually pursue you for overpayments to add to your pain!

It's not even always the paying back the money; it's the speed at which they demand it (presumably wanting to get in there quickly before it's been spent/distributed) and the fact that getting maybe a few hundred quid at most from you is their very top priority, when yours is clearly grieving your deceased loved one.

Plus, as I said before, the 'we're sorry to hear of your loss' when they most obviously aren't sorry at all: they're clearly happy because it means they don't have to pay them any more money; indeed they're happily trying to grab back whatever they can.

I realise that settling financial matters needs to be done, but there really is a time and a place - especially considering how much state pension each person ends up getting in their life (if any) is a real lottery anyway.

This may help some people www.gov.uk/funeral-payments/eligibility

With regard to the overpayment, read this:

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/2022/01/dwp-has--no-legal-power--to-force-you-to-repay-pension-or-benefi/

Yes, funerals are expensive. A fairly standard cremation in London area, for my DH, cost well over £6000. I actually found Sunlife excellent to deal with though.

Condolences.

Mum past and was the same expensive

My mother had a Sun Life Plan. She has dementia so I have LPA for her, and I kept getting requests to pay more each month as the full cost would not be covered. I cancelled the plan, it was throwing good money after bad.

Every time I see a Sun Life ad on the TV it makes me grind my teeth!

Our local funeral home does a Direct Cremation for £1491, and that is what she is going to have.