AIBU to think death is expensive.

I haven't RTFT, so maybe people have suggested lots already, but there are things you can do to make it cheaper:

• Celebration of Life do direct cremations for £895 or £995 with ashes delivery
• Simplicity Cremations same as above but offer an attended version of direct cremation, think it's around £1400
• You don't have to use a funeral director, you're allowed to buy a cheap coffin from Amazon and go and collect the body from the hospital (assuming they died in hospital) yourself if you have a suitable vehicle.
• You can organise a cremation or burial directly with the crematorium or cemetery to cut costs.
• You can bury on private land if you're lucky enough to own some.

Google DIY funerals and natural death centre for more on DIY funerals.

Be aware if you bury someone in a garden, it will devalue your house. So it will cost you a fair bit in the end. This option is best for those with land, not just a garden.

I have buried 2 relatives in the last 5 years.

First died in a hospice. We brought them home on a stretcher in the back of an estate car with shades on the windows.
We washed and dressed them at the hospice before bringing home.
Weather was cold and we got an appointment to register the death 4 days later
They were buried in a shroud of Thier favourite colour in a grave we dug on our own land.
The only costs incurred were a few copies of the death certificate and £200 for food and drink for the wake.

2nd relative died at home of a terminal illness but as the GP hadn't seen them in the last 28 days it was referred to the coroner to decide if a post mortem was required.
It was summer and warm, so we enlisted the help of a funeral director to hold the body in cold storage.

We washed and dressed them before transporting to the funeral home and collected them once the coroner approved the burial (which took 10 days due to a backlog, but no pm required)

Cost incurred were as per relative 1 plus £150 storage fee to the funeral home

I fully understand it's not for everyone as I said before, but we had 2 beautiful, respectful burials with very little cost.

In addition, we can do what we like with the grave sites.

Both have flowers and a tree planted which were favourites if the deceased and 1 has a wind chime

State funerals, the state does it by the cheapest option, usually cremation and it’s unattended

I bought one Bitcoin yonks ago to "pay for my funeral". Obviously it has gone up a lot more, but maybe that is a way to go for people? Spend x number of sats on your funeral and just see how much it is worth when you die?

So sorry for your loss.
How does it work if no one can pay? Or doesn’t want to pay? I think my parents have provision for their death but we are estranged. Should there be a short fall surely they can’t expect this is picked up by family?!

Mercury, so sorry for your loss and I'm glad the undertakers were so good, I think they're getting a bad rap here but I believe the majority want to be fair and do a good job

I have no idea the ins and outs as it was a neighbour but a family member of mine helped place him in the coffin and bury him. He was called upon when the time came and went over to helps. This is Scottish crofters so perhaps they didn’t follow the rules but it certainly took place. I will ask my relative when I next see him but he is retired police so I imagine he is familiar with the laws.

Ah maybe the rules are different in Scotland.

I’m 28 and have just had all this to deal with too. My poor mum was 57 and had no estate and she had learning disabilities and I’d always say to her to sort something but she always said she wasn’t going anywhere yet, unfortunately she did with a sudden spontaneous brain haemorrhage.

the funeral directors couldn’t have been more brilliant though. I’m a nurse and you only need to pay the £82 if the deceased is going to be cremated. I asked a doctor at work and he said it’s because the doctor themselves can be held liable and their registration is at risk as they have to confirm in no uncertain terms that the cause of death is 110% the cause of death as unlike burial, once they’ve given the paperwork for cremation, that the body can’t be exhumed if it’s later disputed.

fortunately I had a distant relative who paid for my mums funeral but we kept it basic due to lack of funds, my mum had no estate and the funeral director controlled all of their costs. I think we paid £4500 and they only charged us the unattended price rather than attended but we did attend as the funeral director was empathetic with my situation and said no one in their 20s should have been dealing with it all alone. About £3000 of that cost was costs they couldn’t control which was the councils plot, digging and burial costs. We held the service at the funeral home which was capped at 20 and they swapped their basic coffin to a lovely lighter coloured coffin at no extra cost and also provided me with a temporary grave marker which is a big wooden cross that they’d normally charge for at no extra cost, and even said in the years it takes me to save for the headstone that they’ll go to the cemetery and replace if needed. They couldn’t have done more for me at such a difficult time. I also opted out of embalming as it wasn’t needed and they explained it’s only needed if relatives are coming from afar etc and can’t visit in the first days after death and I decided not to view as I’d been with my mum when she died in the hospice

I have no idea the ins and outs as it was a neighbour but a family member of mine helped place him in the coffin and bury him. He was called upon when the time came and went over to helps. This is Scottish crofters so perhaps they didn’t follow the rules but it certainly took place. I will ask my relative when I next see him but he is retired police so I imagine he is familiar with the laws.

It obviously completely depends on the circumstances at the time but it will always be my preference. I live in the highlands so we do have a much colder climate than other parts of the uk. A relative of mine died in the winter and she was laid on top of her bed with the windows open to keep the room cool for several days before she was placed into her coffin which was then sealed and she remained in the home within the sealed coffin until burial. But obviously I realise this would be impractical for 3 weeks in 30c heat!

Otherwise keeping a body at home could become a bit challenging ...

I'm starting to think that some people must have industrial sized fridges at home! Especially the ones that think that undertakers are a completely unnecessary expense.

I have told my partner when I die, I want to be taken home and kept here til the burial

Nothing wrong with that in theory, @Cornishpasty342, but I do hope you're not in an area/country where arrangements can take weeks?

Otherwise keeping a body at home could become a bit challenging ...

Sorry if you read it that way, I was trying to explain some of the costs involved with a funeral and the work that goes on behind the scenes. No I don't have to do it, in fact I'm retired but wanted to earn some cider money so I don't feel guilty drinking my wife's hard earnt money. It's not a job that most people would do, you have to have a certain deposition to do it.

Yep! I know a gentleman who died in the morning, Doctor signed the certificate and he was buried in his garden by lunchtime. His wife was already buried there so the plan was set. He had even bought his own coffin years early which he stored in the garage for the day he needed it. He was buried but family and neighbours.

I'm amazed that they managed to do that in a day, I thought that legally the death had to be registered before either burial or cremation could take place and getting an appointment to register the death in the space of a few hours is a minor miracle! As I said above, the GP dealing with my Dad took 5 days just to contact the county registry service and we couldn't make an appointment before that happened, the computer system wouldn't allow it.

My DF died at the beginning of the pandemic. Both he and DM had funeral
Plans prepaid for. Because of a question mark as to whether he might have had covid (he was in a care home) the funeral directors wouldn't embalm him but did agree to dress him. DM was allowed one viewing, no cars, graveside service only with 9 people and no wake. The only thing reimbursed from the plan was the cost of cars as we weren't allowed them. In the end the graveside service was very lovely, personal and intimate. The funeral directors were very supportive and tried to be accommodating but I can't help feel that he was short changed a little.

Not sure if you’re come across Caitlin Doughty before. She is an American mortician with her own funeral home and YouTube channel. She talks about ‘the good death’ and aims to reduce taboos. She encourages families to get as involved as they feel comfortable in the preparation and funeral. I think you’d be interested in her after your doula death course! She’s lovely.

Yep! I know a gentleman who died in the morning, Doctor signed the certificate and he was buried in his garden by lunchtime. His wife was already buried there so the plan was set. He had even bought his own coffin years early which he stored in the garage for the day he needed it. He was buried but family and neighbours.

I have a real gripe with funeral directors. It’s obscene the amount of money they charge and for such unnecessary things. Charging £200 for embalming? You do not need embalmed. Plus the chemicals used are toxic to the environment so not nice when they eventually release to the earth. Coffins are so expensive as you said. And the costs to prepare/view the body are extortionate. As a country we have a taboo around death but historically the families would prepare the body, dress them and keep them at home until the funeral. Many Irish families still adopt customs like this and I know of some in the highlands/islands of Scotland but sadly much less than before. This would also reduce some costs. Sadly the funeral industry has turned into a money making scheme that everyone falls victim to. I have told my partner when I die, I want to be taken home and kept here til the burial but I’m much more comfortable around death than he is and he looks at me like I’m crazy! I like to think this approach would keep costs down by who knows!

You need some kind of form for a cremation. My mum was buried and the burial ground did not allow funerals with no funeral director.

So, while you can technically do some of those things, I think you'd struggle to actually do it.

Ref the deceased bank account and paying for a funeral - most banks will pay directly to the undertaker, or draw a banker's draft, on presentation of death cert and an invoice.
Nationwide did it for my mum's, they were a bit incompetent about it but with perseverance I got it sorted in time.

So, you don't need "access" to their account.

Actually you can transport the body yourself and you don't need to buy a coffin.

You also don't have to use a funeral director, and if you have land (even a medium to large size garden) you can legally bury them yourself

It's not for everyone, but it is legal.

Realistically who's going to do that? I couldn't do a funeral for my family member for 4 weeks after her death. No way I would have wanted to use a few ice packs at home on a 4 week old dead body, then lug her in and out of the back of the car a couple of times. Would be traumatising.

I paid 3 grand a few months ago for a funeral. A direct cremation is 1400 quid with the same people.

It's so hard to shop around though, it's not as if you can ring up and get a price over the phone.

I was amazed to discover, when I did a death doula course, that you do not need to use an undertakers at all. Somehow we have this assumption that a person dies, you HAVE to have an undertaker, cos it's the law. Not true.

Death certificate yes.
You can take the deceased home in the back of your car - I'm not kidding, it's perfectly legal - and keep them there - leave windows open and cool the room, heating off, ice packs around them .

Then you ring the crematorium and book a slot.

Then you wrap the deceased in their favourite blankets, back in the car, off to the crematorium, you speak some loving words, job done

Yes it is legal but I think it's a lot more complicated than that. You can't hold a funeral without registering the death (in the UK) and when my Dad died, it took 5 days for the GP to inform the registry service of his cause of death. Then the earliest appointment to register the death was two days after that. So a minimum of 7 days, not sure I fancy storing a body for that long using a few ice blocks especially in summer and that's assuming that you could get a crem slot immediately. And some crematoria insist on a coffin.

I think one of the main roles of an undertaker is to store the deceased giving the bereaved time to make decisions. Plus the idea of manhandling a deceased loved one is pretty upsetting to most people.

Yes funerals are expensive but I was more pissed off with the price of a burial plot (doubled because my Dad died in a care home outside the Parish - Mum still lived in it, charged per foot of grave dug, again doubled) than the cost of the undertaker. We organised flowers and after do, the burial plot was the largest cost by far.

Did a direct cremation for my dad, it was £995 AI. The cheapest quote was £882.