Page 5 | Bit out of order?

Quittingwifework · 12/06/2024 15:03

parentfodder · 12/06/2024 14:31

@Roundroundthegarden just a quick note the running theme of this thread is that I should be more flexible to plans changing but you feel sil shouldn't have to change her plans? Plans she made after we made ours?

This.

people are just arguing with you for the sake of it.

a plan was in place and it’s not ok to ride roughshod over that. It’s rude.

Heronwatcher · 12/06/2024 15:02

Yes so, so far, we have

Only 1 car to be used
Whole family to attend
Must be dog friendly
Must be SEN inclusive
Only once a month
No restaurants, even those with gardens and child friendly
Must be longer than 1-2 hours
Everyone must be home by 6pm latest

I’m not saying this to be mean but is it really reasonable/ realistic to have all of these requirements especially on a day that should be more focused on your FIL? I can think of basically nothing I’d want to do on Mother’s Day which could fit within these parameters.

Quittingwifework · 12/06/2024 15:01

Roundroundthegarden · 12/06/2024 14:05

Assuming that the SIL would jump for joy at changing plans and moving this to dinner when the usual done thing is a long, leisurely lunch. Who wants to be faffing around eating sandwiches when you can go out to a lovely meal.

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But Pil had a prior commitment with a time frame. So SIL has moved that around/the PIL have.

if she wanted to do lunch she should have gotten in there first - you snooze you lose!

fatphalange · 12/06/2024 15:00

Not at all out of order. Work around it or accept the invite. Very simple!

Starlight1979 · 12/06/2024 14:56

parentfodder · 12/06/2024 14:52

@Starlight1979 weekends as in Saturday Sunday. We work shifts so yes dh might finish at 2pm and I start at 4pm but that's not long enough to visit. Dh could go with kids alone but would get there 4ish and our kids bed routine starts at 6 so not really worth it so we tend to wait till we get a weekend off and spend day with them

I don't even have the words anymore.

Your life sounds so incredibly rigid and all centered around the routines you have in place without consideration for anyone else. I'm sure - SEN or not - the kids "bedtime routine" could start 30-60 mins later one Saturday so your DH could take them to see Grandma and Grandad...

Mummy2024 · 12/06/2024 14:54

parentfodder · 12/06/2024 08:47

We have arranged to go see pil on Father's Day. We live an hour away.

Sil messaged to say she is planning to take pil out for a meal on Father's Day so let her know if we want to come. So basically we either go out for a meal or leave when they do?

Given pil had already arranged to see us I feel they shouldn't have accepted sils offer as they had plans. We will get there 11ish and I think they will do a late lunch so 2/3ish. We had intended to stay until 4ish.

No it's not out of order of course they can't turn one of their kids away on fathers day and it's out of order to expect them to.

Go for dinner, I really don't see the issue, if you can't afford it then yes just leave early

Original poster

parentfodder · 12/06/2024 14:52

@Starlight1979 weekends as in Saturday Sunday. We work shifts so yes dh might finish at 2pm and I start at 4pm but that's not long enough to visit. Dh could go with kids alone but would get there 4ish and our kids bed routine starts at 6 so not really worth it so we tend to wait till we get a weekend off and spend day with them

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AnneLovesGilbert · 12/06/2024 14:52

It’s your husband’s father’s day too. What’s his preference for the whole thing?

None of my business but who’s looking after your 3 kids while you’re both working every weekend?

Blarneytalk · 12/06/2024 14:50

parentfodder · 12/06/2024 14:47

@Maddy70 sils plans are not inclusive of my children

But they are inclusive of her DF, who is the "main man" of the day, so for that day your children do not come 1st. They'll still see their grandad for 2.5 hours rather than 5.

Starlight1979 · 12/06/2024 14:49

parentfodder · 12/06/2024 14:47

@Maddy70 sils plans are not inclusive of my children

How selfish of her! To be thinking of her Dad on Fathers Day and not your children!!! 🙄

Starlight1979 · 12/06/2024 14:48

parentfodder · 12/06/2024 14:31

@Roundroundthegarden just a quick note the running theme of this thread is that I should be more flexible to plans changing but you feel sil shouldn't have to change her plans? Plans she made after we made ours?

Well to be fair as it's Fathers Day, it's up to you FIL to decide what he wants to do. Nobody else.

skippy67 · 12/06/2024 14:47

parentfodder · 12/06/2024 14:31

@Roundroundthegarden just a quick note the running theme of this thread is that I should be more flexible to plans changing but you feel sil shouldn't have to change her plans? Plans she made after we made ours?

SIL's plan is the better one for your PIL. Lunch out, instead of staying in and catering for you. So yes, you should change yours.

Original poster

parentfodder · 12/06/2024 14:47

@Maddy70 sils plans are not inclusive of my children

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Heronwatcher · 12/06/2024 14:47

parentfodder · 12/06/2024 14:31

@Roundroundthegarden just a quick note the running theme of this thread is that I should be more flexible to plans changing but you feel sil shouldn't have to change her plans? Plans she made after we made ours?

Yes I think the issue shouldn’t be about a power tussle between you and your SIL but about what your PIL would enjoy most.

But in fact yes if you’re the one with 2 dogs and 3 kids who categorically can’t go for lunch (which is hardly an “out there” activity for Father’s Day) anywhere at all then yes I think on this occasion you should be the one to be flexible. If your SIL was doing this every weekend I’d agree but it sounds like you’ll be able to go back to the normal activity as soon as you want to.

TBH it does still sound like you’re just annoyed that she’s suggested something different when in fact there are loads of ways that you can do the day with both activities.

Roundroundthegarden · 12/06/2024 14:45

parentfodder · 12/06/2024 14:31

@Roundroundthegarden just a quick note the running theme of this thread is that I should be more flexible to plans changing but you feel sil shouldn't have to change her plans? Plans she made after we made ours?

Yours took the bulk out of the day. Sunday afternoon is too late for you to do anything so why would anyone else?
And besides, it's her father.

Maddy70 · 12/06/2024 14:45

Blarneytalk · 12/06/2024 14:38

But yours monopolised almost the whole day and meant that MIL and FIL had to provide lunch for five extra people, so seven in total. I don't think your plans were very thoughtful.

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This. And your sil plans are inclusive of everyone

Blarneytalk · 12/06/2024 14:38

parentfodder · 12/06/2024 14:31

@Roundroundthegarden just a quick note the running theme of this thread is that I should be more flexible to plans changing but you feel sil shouldn't have to change her plans? Plans she made after we made ours?

But yours monopolised almost the whole day and meant that MIL and FIL had to provide lunch for five extra people, so seven in total. I don't think your plans were very thoughtful.

Starlight1979 · 12/06/2024 14:38

parentfodder · 12/06/2024 12:48

So we work weekends. We do get free time in week (like one or two days) but pil work Monday - Friday and kids are in school

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"We work weekends"

What both of you? All weekend? Friday night through to Monday morning? Rubbish.

But from your other posts it appears that neither you or your DH can do anything by yourselves and it has to be an entire family event (including the dogs) so I'm assuming even if you're working and DH isn't, he won't go and visit them until you can all go together...

Original poster

parentfodder · 12/06/2024 14:31

@Roundroundthegarden just a quick note the running theme of this thread is that I should be more flexible to plans changing but you feel sil shouldn't have to change her plans? Plans she made after we made ours?

OP posts:

Original poster

parentfodder · 12/06/2024 14:28

@Starlight1979 that was in response to someone who suggested we visit after the meal instead of before. So instead of going to fils at 11am go at 5pm

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Starlight1979 · 12/06/2024 14:26

parentfodder · 12/06/2024 09:58

It would be too late after kids have school next day. We will go morning as planned but just stay a couple hours.

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Too late??? You've said the meal is booked for 2-3pm??? Finished by 4-5pm and hour drive home so back for 6 latest?

I feel like you're just finding problems here... It's a one-off, special day for FIL and 6-7pm isn't late to be getting kids ready for school the next day, no matter how old they are.

Coconutter24 · 12/06/2024 14:06

Sounds like a non issue…. you either go for lunch with them or you drive home an hour or so earlier.

Roundroundthegarden · 12/06/2024 14:05

AmelieTaylor · 12/06/2024 13:25

@parentfodder

why can't SIL take him out for dinner instead, have you asked?

you could take a light lunch, so there's no preparing or cleaning up.

Do what you were going to do, then they can do dinner with SIL?

Seems an obvious solution.

Assuming that the SIL would jump for joy at changing plans and moving this to dinner when the usual done thing is a long, leisurely lunch. Who wants to be faffing around eating sandwiches when you can go out to a lovely meal.

Original poster

parentfodder · 12/06/2024 14:02

@DoreenonTill8 sorry I meant it inthe sense it's her gift to fil.

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ForeveraBluebird · 12/06/2024 14:00

Could you do a picnic or bbq in the garden all together , would your children enjoy that too. Then a Father’s Day dinner with sil in the evening as mentioned above.