Not having intercourse

This conversation shouldn't be needed, but clearly it is!

Do it OP!

Are you comfortable being cross in your relationship?

After having a clear conversation, don't you get really irritated and say "can you just fucking not? I'm so sick of you angling for sex when ive been really really clear that I've got stuff going on that means it's just completely off the table at the moment. When i want to have sex again, ill let you know, until then can you just bloody respect me and stop poking me with your cock? It's disrespectful given weve talked about this already and I'm just bloody fed up with it."

Nonsense.

I’m 20 weeks and we’ve had sex one in this pregnancy because I’ve felt really horrible. In a vulnerably irrational moment I said to him I felt he didn’t fancy me any more because he hadn’t tried to have sex and his response was basically you’ve barely been able to move, it would have been horribly unfair of me to try!

Wanting to be sexually active isn't a 'man' thing, it's a person thing. So is empathy and concern for the person who you love when they're severely unwell.

He's missing his chance to be a supportive partner. I suggest you ask him to leave for a few months at least.

Also, go to your GP and get tested for a deficiency. hyperemesis gravidarum is often linked to a zinc deficiency and other absorption concerns.

You ‘hope’ he’s understand?! You’ve got bigger problems, he sounds like a right fucking twat, and you’re having a child with him!

He shouldn't be putting this pressure on you to have sex let alone when pregnant and having terrible sickness.

A partner should be understanding, supportive and caring this is awful behaviour. If all he wants is sex massive alarm bells!!

I agree, it is just v abnormal, and different from usual sex pests posts IMO.

I hate those "shitty men" / LTB hyperbole posts but isn't it rapist territory to be enjoying sex with someone who's visibly in pain or discomfort? (Marital rape is an offense too btw!)

Applies both to OP and PP who claim raping is a "man thing". Nah my DH and I'm pretty sure all my male family and friends aren't rapey creeps like yours!

It makes me wonder how far OP's DH and PP's partner would go if given the opportunity eg drunk girl unconscious around them?!

I had morning sickness from week 6 to week 18 so you have my sympathy. If you’re not in the mood, then you’re not in the mood. He should just be grateful he doesn’t have morning sickness, he can have a wank if he’s that desperate. I got back to sex during trimester 2 and continued until week 35 (it was twins so l was just too big by that point and was worried about going into Labour!). But lots of people don’t go back to it for some time

His behaviour isn't acceptable. What kind of human being wants another person to have sex with them when they are clearly unwell/uncomfortable/not into it?

Decent men only want to have sex with people that enthusiastically want it.

If they can still get off and maintain an erection when you are clearly not into it then that is a massive red flag.

We need to stop excusing this behaviour as men being men. It isn't true. It's the behaviour of shitty men with a rapist mindset.

I hope you are okay OP and aren't being coerced into sex you don't want.

Even saying you feel like you're slacking suggests to me that his sex pest behaviour is nothing new but before you were pregnant you were well enough to meet his demands.

The fact that you are struggling with early pregnancy and getting no acknowledgement from him says a lot about what he values you for.

I hope your conversation with him works but I agree with PP there is a worrying dynamic in your relationship which has existed for long enough to be normalised. Not every man is a pig driven by his dick, some have feelings and actually manage to show some care for the people they claim to love.

I hope you're feeling better soon.

I wanted to echo what others have said here, this really isn't normal. I'm first trimester, I'm not sick but I'm really tired. When my husband has shown an interest in sex I've just said I'm not feeling up to it and he's said no problem. And that's the end of the whole thing. He really likes to lie beside me and put his hand on my stomach to say hello to baby. He is also an excellent dad to my two year old daughter. I don't think his attitude towards me and my well-being is unrelated to how he looks after his child. You need to set boundaries for your own good and for your child. I'm really sorry that it's hard and that he isn't able to just see what he needs to do on his own.

This is genuinely one of the most depressing threads I’ve ever read on here.

I agree there is a very uneasy dynamic here, like OP is a 1950s wife and must perform her duties.

The use of intercourse and s*x, ands to this.

“I understand that he’s a man”

Let’s stop accepting low expectations of men. Husband or not, pregnant or not, you should never be pressured into having sex or doing anything you don’t want to.

Urghhh this is actually very uncomfortable to read OP, I hope you’re okay

I think you need to tell him to think back to his last awful hangover where he couldn’t even think of coffee, and in that state did he want to be jostling around and have someone’s to be he down his neck? Remind him that’s how you feel 24/7.

He should be approaching this in a completely different way, he's only focused on his satisfaction. I'm 39 weeks pregnant and we have had sex the entire time, even during morning sickness. The secret is that my other half focuses on me and how I feel first, then I'm ready and distracted enough from all the aches and pains, to have piv sex. Can't he be selfless and give you a massage, run you a bath, go down on you and give you a couple of orgasms?? What he's doing is only going to turn you off! Ask him what he's doing that would make you want to have sex.

Not all men by any means!

I think you tell yourself that to make yourself feel better but it's not true. There are plenty of men who (even with a really high sex drive) wouldn't get any pleasure from forcing a vomiting woman into sex. And who would even be distressed by their wife being in discomfort. Actually, I think there are many more of such men than the sex pest/rapist sort of men you talk about.

Stop trying to "keep him happy" and start telling him to get to fuck if that's the only language he understands.

He is not trying to keep you happy, he's being a sex pest. What an arsehole! Next he'll be pestering you for sex when the baby is just a few days old!!

Men are led by their dicks. They just can't understand why women are not up for it 24/7.
My ex was like this. I had horrific morning sickness, literally Barfing violently 20 times a day. It was that bad sometimes it was coming up through my nostrils as well. All he could do was whinge and call me frigid
One of the 20 million reasons he is my ex!!

Cross posted with you! Yeah I think I'm more easygoing than most on this forum in terms of foibles/quirks within marriage, but I truly genuinely struggle to see any love here?

In very frank terms I think my DH would lose his hard-on if he saw me in any pain or discomfort. His pleasure would be gone immediately. OP's just a giant fleshlight to her husband sadly.

Maybe it's too late to change that but her husband should at least care about the baby.

He's selfish and not supportive or caring towards you

I'm REALLY not one of those LTB types as I believe there are 2 sides to every matter... But it seems pretty clear to me that doesn't love you (at least as much as he loves himself). No husband who loves his wife would want to see her in perpetual discomfort for his pleasure. I couldn't even imagine my husband being like that.

But ok fine he doesn't love you. What about the baby? Doesn't he care about his baby? The baby might be affected if you get stressed out and upset.

He is disgusting.

You don't want to have sex because you feel very sick. This is perfectly fine. If you had a broken hip would he want to cause you excruciating pain by having sex? If you had a noncontagious sickness bug would he be happy to make you vomit through sex? If you were undergoing chemotherapy that made you feel very weak and ill, would he insist on sex?

If the answer is "yes" then this man does not love you. He sees you as a vehicle for masturbation and not as a real person. If (as I hope!) the answer is "no" then he needs to buckle his fucking ideas up and realise that what you are doing now - growing a baby inside you and feeling sick in the process - is in the same region as reasons for not having sex.

(to be clear - any time you don't feel like having sex, for any reason whatsoever, is a good enough reason.)

I agree OP that his actions and your response (feeling guilty and miserable instead of angry at his disgusting behaviour) are generally worrying. We've gone 6 months before in our relationship because of baby related things and yes it wasn't amazing but we talked about it like adults and even when he was struggling with it he never ever pressured me, he says he wouldn't ever want to have sex with someone who was only doing it to keep him happy. He wanted me to want to have sex with him, if I'd enjoy it.

Getting moody when you explain you do t feel like it is emotional manipulation. Trying to coerce or pressure someone into sex when they don't feel like it is illegal. Please think about that