Navigating a world of mean school mums?

OP does your school mix classes every year? Are you somewhere where the local population doesn’t change much and the friendships continue to secondary? Small town, big city?

Tbh I think people are being a bit unfair on OP. She’s clearly trying and being repeatedly dismissed. Thats really painful. I would also say kids will still gravitate to other kids they like at school, regardless of who their parents arrange playdates with. My DD appears to adore a child she’s never mentioned to me EVER, never had a playdate with her, only see’s her at group playdates but they still seem to be happily playing at school according to her teacher.

Yes it is.

"Don't want to have play dates but when we’ve brought the class pet home (a teddy with a photo book!) I’ll see there’s been numerous play dates my child hasn’t been invited to"

I organise play dates with mums who are my friends because it’s nice to see a friend too. I didn’t leave behind my friendships or personal enjoyment when I became a mum

No it isn’t.

She said some people haven’t responded to play dates. She did not say they are going elsewhere for play dates. She’s assuming it’s because of her and not because of the many other reasons that it probably is

Just because other mums don’t stop to chat it isn’t rude. They might genuinely be in a rush or just not up for a conversation. I don’t really talk to other mums much. I’m an introvert, I find playground small talk exhausting. I honestly don’t get school gate chat and don’t know what the mums find to talk about day in day out. I say hello and smile but I’m not being rude. It actually really pisses me off that parents arrange play dates around which mums they’re friends with rather than who their children are friends with.

It is in the OP.

Because it IS pathetic to take exception to other women having friends.

The other parents keep saying no, but have plenty of time for other playdate

Where did you get this impression from??

I notice we have also had "really odd", "pathetic", "sulkers" and "insane" directed at the OP, and some of the most snide and unpleasant posts have been by people who are preening themselves on calling out misogyny.

The OP is just trying to set up a few playdates for her child in reception class. The other parents keep saying no, but have plenty of time for other playdates. Most people would find that somewhat hurtful, as does the OP. She is making a particular effort because her older child has struggled socially at school, and she doesn't want that pattern to repeat itself. That doesn't make her odd or pathetic or insane in my view.

I’m not sure calling them mean covers you in glory there op. They are entitled to be friends with who they wish.

I work full time and have managed it. At this age all you need to do is say hi and talk to the mums in a friendly enough way and the play date requests should fall into your lap. I’m a mess in the morning - barely have time to comb my hair or brush my teeth — but I always smile, always say hi, always try for conversations and will only suggest playdates with mums who respond.

Absolutely and utterly this.

The ones who complain about the ‘cliquey mums’ whilst seemingly making no effort at all - I just picture the “cliquey mums” and wondering what the fuck that sour face woman is who’s always glaring at them.

But God forbid your husband or any other man tells you who you must be friendly with.

That would be controlling and bad.

Crikey. On this thread we've had 'mean' 'cunts' 'bullies' 'cliques' to essentially describe mums who are friends with other mums, and done nothing mean whatsoever.

You also have to say hello and stand in the middle of the playground shouting “all women are invited to join in with our conversation”.

Otherwise they’re <checks notes> cliquey, cunts and nasty

Apparently if you have a vagina, you have to be friends with all the other vagina owners whose kids go to your kid's school.

Otherwise you're a very nasty woman.

God forbid you should exercise any kind of autonomy in choosing who you want to be friendly with.

It's often said that it's people complaining about school gate drama and "cliques" who ARE the drama. I wonder why 😂

What exactly are these mums doing that is nasty??

Those kids are probably in training to be as nasty as their mums, so you've probably dodged a bullet.

So I’m a little bit hard of hearing and also I work FT so after drop off I usually am getting my day squared in my head. I sometimes realise that someone has said hello and I didnt say hello back, and then later on apologise, and sometimes people have told me I’ve ignored them.

The expectation that women have to be ‘on it’ no matter what, and always be alert to other people no matter how their day is going, is very problematic. If someone ignores me I always assume they didn’t hear or see me rather than taking it overly personally and assuming they hate me

I say hello to those who i can tell are actively trying to swerve me! Join the PTA, youll make friends there!

Women are cunts because they dare to have friends but are also not friends with all other 300 mums in the school?
Really?

I've never really got this 'trying to engineer' your child's social life.

Your child will make friends when they're ready and when they are, they'll be invited whether you're friends with their parents or not.

Stop trying to force it. It rarely ends well 🤷‍♂️

I agree with this.

my son is only in year 2 and often parents still want to accompany their child to play dates at our home. Which I’m more than happy to accommodate but I’m much more inclined to ask them over if it’s a parent I actually like and can have a laugh with

But that could just be because they’re not the types rather than they don’t like the OP. My DS’s best friends parents are very elusive and I can’t get them to reply about a play date but apparently they just don’t get involved that way in play dates etc, which is fine.