To be annoyed that my sister wants me to change my hair for her wedding.

@newbathroomhelplease

I wouldn't want someone with bright red hair in my wedding photos so I wouldn't ask them to be bridesmaid. Not my vibe at all.

This could not be a more perfect illustration of Bridezilla behaviour if it tried. Are you serious?

You think because you’re getting married you get to control and micromanage not just every square inch of your own life but of other people’s?

This encapsulates why I generally don’t like weddings. An orgy of fastidiousness, stealth judgment and entitlement.

OP: go as you are or don’t go. Fuck being told how to look by someone else.

To the anti Red hair brigade, can you not see it as a bit of fun glamour? Would you tell Rihanna to change it?

Brides get to tell you what colour dress to wear. They don't get to dictate hair colour.

Although I am not sure quite sure how I would have reacted if my adult bridesmaid had had blue hair

That said, people usually have their hair up, so it doesn't show that much anyway. And aren't a lot of wedding photos black and white, so you don't see hair colour so much. Seems a silly thing for a bride to fall out with her sister about. I wonder how she'd react if you had a big tattoo that was going to be visible whatever dress style she chose

OP clearly means a bright un-natural scarlet red rather than a natural auburn red. It must be wonderfully striking and yes probably outlandish but it's entirely reasonable for OP to choose their own hair colour.

So weird. You’d think it was a swastika face tattoo.

OP, sounds like you've had your hair bright red for a long time.

It's not like it has taken her by surprise. No dye job, be yourself and if she kicks up a fuss, resign from being a bridesmaid and be a guest instead. It's such a personal thing to ask you to change. She loves you as you are. That's who should be in her photos, not a stranger.

Keep your hair as you like it.

Tell your sister what you said in your op, that changing your hair for your other sister's wedding last year was actually really upsetting and distressing and you can't go through that again. She can demote you back to being a guest and sister of the bride rather than bridesmaid if she wishes but the hair will stay the same either way. It's understandable that a bride doesn't want her bridesmaid bring more noticeable than herself but your hair is part of who you are.

newbathroomhelplease · Yesterday 23:49
I wouldn't want someone with bright red hair in my wedding photos so I wouldn't ask them to be bridesmaid. Not my vibe at all”

How odd. I judge people on their character, not the colour of their hair.

Some of this posts have to be a wind up. Nobody can seriously think red hair is outlandish?

I am in my 50s and have been married for 30 years. What really matters to me now are the people in my life. Friends and family. I know who I can rely on and who I cannot. I can identify the people that I hope I will be in touch with when I am much older.

And my wedding photos play precisely not one part in my day to day life now.

Sorry, wrong! I am very unadventurous with my own look but love being around people who take more risks than I do!

Not a chance! I’ve got colourful hair and have for over 20 years now… now way would I be changing it for someone’s wedding.

imo this needs a clear discussion and boundary set - “I know you’ve asked me to change my hair colour for your wedding. I won’t be doing this. You need to decide whether you accept that, and I will be a bridesmaid, or if you decide you don’t want me as a bridesmaid. Those are your options. I won’t discuss any changes to my hair again. It’s not happening. I would love to be part of your day as a bridesmaid, but you need to decide whether you want me as I am, or not” and leave the ball in her court. I would make it very clear this is 100% not up for discussion and what happened going forwards is up to her, but it’s her choice if she wants you to be a bridesmaid or not, depending on how much of an issue your hair colour is to her.

i hope you get this sorted and she doesn’t try and spin it back to being your fault as it 100% isn’t! This is an awful, selfish request from her and don’t let anyone try and gaslight you into believing otherwise (just incase you have any equally ridiculous family members who might try and act as flying monkeys about this)

Who the hell tells someone to dye their hair? No one.

Jesus. I’d tell her to get lost. No one has pictures up of the whole wedding party anyway. You put up one of yourself and your DH in a frame in your living room. The others stay on your computer for ever. No one gives a shit.

I am so sick of people who use their weddings as a get out of jail free card to be the real them, a self centred absorbathon of everyone’s emotions, time and money.

I’ve decided I am not going to any more weddings that cause me any inconvenience from now on, unless it is one of my DC.

This^
she is very unreasonable. I think the best way is to approach it seriously without jokes or swearing. Tell her that you won’t change your hair colour for the wedding and thh it’s a very strange request from her. So if she can’t cope with how you look it’s better to choose another bridesmaid.

If the way something or someone looks is the top priority, then yes, it’s shallow.

I’m not sure what other definition you’re looking for. You’re, of course, allowed to have whatever opinion and wedding and bridesmaid you like, but it doesn’t mean it’s not shallow. Accept you are shallow and move on.

Why does having a certain hairstyle or tattoo means someone ‘defines themselves by their looks’? Maybe they define themselves by being a mum or by their job or their pets. How in earth do you know how they define themselves?!

I am the most ordinary person who has never dyed her hair, had tattoos or piercings. I would never exclude or judge someone who did though.

you want everyone to conform to a certain standard that is your version of 'normal' - that is kinda shallow tbh

Why?

(Whatever ‘normal’ is).

This just made me do a sharp intake of breath.

There are some very odd answers on here.

This is a sister asking her sister to be a bridesmaid. If you believe in getting married and having a ceremony and it’s important to you to have your sister standing there as your brudesmaid, you do not get to dictate what colour their hair is (and also shouldn’t be making them feel uncomfortable in the choice of dress!)

If your sister already has bright red hair and has done so far a while too, then why would you want her to change her appearance? It’s who she is.

Posts like this make me wonder if I live on a different planet. I'd never, ever ask someone to dye their hair to be my bridesmaid. That's just offensive.

Or maybe we’re just not dickheads.

Shallow for wanting my wedding to look normal? What’s selfish are people who look freakish thinking it’s okay to appear that way it’s a wedding. No way!

Stay as you are because you are in charge of your hair not your sister. If she doesn’t like this then let her tell you not to be a bridesmaid. If anyone asks why she hasn’t got you as a bridesmaid you can say that she wanted you to change your hair colour.

*So you select bridesmaids for aesthetics, not because you love them.

Sounds like the very definition of shallow to me.*

Exactly @Didimum

But tip disagree with these few on here, we are lying, got bright coloured hair, looking for a bunfigtht!

🙄

I think it would look cool to have a flame haired bridesmaid