To be annoyed that my sister wants me to change my hair for her wedding.

I personally wouldn’t have asked you to be a BM as I don’t love brightly coloured, “false” looking hair

Would you genuinely choose your bridesmaids based on whether you love their looks, rather than whether you love them as people? Wow.

Your hair is part of you and you shouldn't have to change it.

However as a token gesture, I'd be open to trying on a blonde wig to see if I liked it or not.

If not then I could tell my sister that I genuinely considered her request but didn't feel like me when wearing the blonde wig, so it's red hair or nothing. (Or if you try a wig and like it perhaps it would actually be an option!)

You say you're not happy with your body. Perhaps if you choose to try and change whatever annoys you over the next ten months til the wedding you'd feel better about the whole day?

Just a thought as you may not be able to change whatever upsets you (eg colostomy bag), but it may be relevant if - and only if - you wanted to put on weight or lose weight or whatever for you. Ten months at one pound a week is over three stone.

I only mention as you said you were unhappy. Not for the bride. For you if it makes you happy and is possible.

This reminds me of, many years ago, of a friend asking if I was going to put my hair up for her wedding. I wasn’t a bridesmaid, just a guest. And I didn’t even have long hair at the time, just a bob just past jaw length. I didn’t put it up.

Tell her you won't be bridesmaid. Then buy the mother of all hats and wear it as a guest.

Some people should remember that a wedding isn't about the photos. It's the start of a marriage, not an Instagram shoot.

No. Ask her why she would want her sister to be her bridesmaid then end up with wedding photos which look like some random stranger with completely different hair is in them?

Your hair is part of the you everyone knows. Your sister would eventually regret that she made the event more of a pantomime than a celebration featuring the real people she loves.

If you’ve had that colour for years, then as far as I’m concerned, that’s your hair colour, full stop. She’s being very demanding by asking you to change. I’ve gone through so many colours over the years, and never been asked to dye my hair a specific colour to suit someone’s aesthetic.

Also, bright red hair looks incredible! Keep your hair the way it is, and totally rock it. ❤️

Are you really that insecure that the idea of someone other than you "standing out" would put you off having them as a bridesmaid? Even your own sister? Because if so you need some serious therapy.

God some people on this thread are pathetic. Red hair isn't even outlandish in this day an age, my 98 year old nana has bright red hair. My MOH had bright turquoise and pink hair on my wedding day, I still looked fucking cracking and her hair definitely didn't spoil anything.

Do the photos really matter more than having the people you love the most standing next to you? That’s a genuine question.

I just don’t understand prioritising aesthetics when the pictures will date anyway. It all feels so vapid and shallow.

OP, she’s getting married, in no universe does that give her the right to start dictating how other people have their hair.

I would decline to be a bridesmaid. You should choose your bridal party because you love them and not on how they look so just tell her you won’t be changing your hair and you think it’s best to just be a regular guest.

We have 6 sisters between us and 5 of them were bridesmaids and 1 declined, it was fine, she enjoyed the day much more as a guest!

You look the way you look OP. If your sister doesn't want someone who looks like you do in her wedding, then she doesn't have you as a BM. You on the other hand decide if a temporary hair colour change or the principle is more important than being her BM. Purely personal decisions on both your parts. For what it's worth, I wouldn't care what you looked like, as I wouldn't put asthetics ahead of people. But a lot of people do.

If all you notice in this photo is one woman's hair colour, you're the one that isn't normal.

So you would get not want your sister as bridesmaid because she would spoil the photos due to her hair colour? Do you see how ridiculous that sounds?!

I can’t get over brides ditching their own sisters as bridesmaids over the colour of their hair. Such embarrassing behaviour. Anyone who condones this needs to take a good look at themselves and get a grip.

@dunkdemunder

But the photos end up with the hair grabbing the eye and that's not what a couple wants for the rest of their lives

This is what I find bizarre about weddings. A certain type of person thinks it gives the couple getting married carte blanche to be absolute control freaks.

So the couple getting married has someone visible in the wedding picture who is noticeable. Um, so?

If you’re so self conscious and self absorbed that you can’t deal with having anyone else playing a part in the narrative and memory of your wedding I think you don’t deserve to have wedding guests at all. I would boycott a wedding if someone told me how my hair had to be.

Weddings should be celebrations of families coming together, people coming together. Not orgies of aesthetic micromanagement.

Do you think people wouldn’t spot the bride? The one with the nice dress in the middle standing next to the groom?

Though this is where I disagree with modern weddings. My wedding was about the guests too. Who had come such a long way to celebrate with us. I was all about making sure they were happy and comfortable. It was never ‘all about the couple’ for us. No regrets at all.

When I was a teenager I was bridesmaid. The bride and her mother chose the dress I wore. I hated the style and the colour. Her hairdresser cut and styled my hair to match hers. I hated that too. I can still remember how awful I felt all day. If I had been older I'd have told her thanks but no thanks, and would now never wear a dress I didn't feel good in, or let someone else choose my hairstyle.
OP if she insists you be a bridesmaid, and you feel you can't say no, you can at least say Ok, if it means that much to you, but I get a say in how I look and what I wear.
If she won't do that for you, you don't have to feel guilty about pulling out.

I wouldn't be annoyed but I wouldn't change my hair....I would be amused by her entitledness and tell her so.

Absolutely it can be stunning.

But the photos end up with the hair grabbing the eye and that's not what a couple wants for the rest of their lives. A massive pop of colour distracting from them. Wedding photos are really expensive and a lot of effort goes in to producing beautiful images. One person with crazy colours hair is very distracting. And in every group photo the red hair grabs the attention. On the one day it's all about the couple.

Same here. You would stand out and not in a good way to me. But that's my issue and I wouldn't expect you to change so I wouldn't ask you to be bridesmaid. Tell her that and leave her to decide.

You're not being selfish at all. When I got married, I had five bridesmaids. I talked to them all about the types of dresses they'd like/be comfortable wearing, the colours they like etc. They decided the dress style between them. I bought the dresses. I told them that they could jazz them up with whichever shoes/accessories etc that they wanted (to personalise things), and that they could have their hair and makeup however they wanted. They all looked bloody amazing, all felt comfortable and happy wearing their outfits, and each of them showed their awesome style and individuality.

Keep your hair colour how you want!

PS three of my bridesmaids had brightly coloured hair, and they looked fantastic! In the wedding pics, it was obvious that I was the bride (despite me not wearing a white/ivory dress) and obvious that they were the bridesmaids.

I get it from both sides. It's absolutely justified that you have your hair the way you want it.

But I've also seen wedding pictures where someone has bright red hair. I'm assuming fire engine red yes? Or bright blue peacock coloured hair.

And honestly? The attention in every single group photos is all about the hair. It can't be helped. It just screams out so loud that the bride and groom in their neutral tones don't appear as the main point of focus. Your eyes go straight to the pop of colour. And someone's wedding is the one time it IS all about them

It isn't just about loving someone the way they are. It's about wanting beautiful wedding photos to keep forever where the bride and groom stand out and everyone isn't always looking straight at the fire engine red hair.

Could you use a temporary colour depositing conditioner that just tones down the vibrancy?

@ChinaBlueBell

What’s selfish are people who look freakish thinking it’s okay to appear that way it’s a wedding. No way!

Who gets to police what’s “freakish” vs what’s “normal”?

Red hair is so mainstream now: where do you live if you think it’s freakish? The 1690s?

@Didimum

So weird. You’d think it was a swastika face tattoo.

Totally. Breathtaking how small minded and controlling people can be about things which aren’t important.

OK let me rephrase: people seriously think scarlet hair is outlandish? Is it 1954?