Page 6 | To be annoyed that my sister wants me to change my hair for her wedding.

PiperLeo · 2024-06-11T22:12:22+00:00

I have bright red hair. I love the colour. It makes me feel good about myself. I even feel pretty on some days which is huge for me since I'm quite a big girl and hate my body. (That's a whole other issue) I've had my hair like this for the most part of 10 years. My sister is getting married in April and insists I be a bridesmaid. She has asked me to "tone down the colour" she initially wanted me to dye it blond as she insists it would suit me. But I have no intention of doing so. She said it would be fine if I went back to my natural colour (Auburn) My other sister got married last year and I went through an identity crisis. Cut my long hair off into a bob and dyed it a plum colour instead...just in case she didn't approve of my normal colour. She didn't say anything but I wasn't her bridesmaid. I hated it so went back to bright red. AIBU to think that my hair colour shouldn't matter as everyone will be looking at her and not me? Or am I being selfish? I already don't feel good in my bridesmaid dress because of my body type so not having my hair to back me up, I fear it will be a miserable day for me. (Selfish?)

NotSoHotMess24 · 12/06/2024 12:02

She sounds awful lol. Hopefully this is just a bridezilla thing and not her usual personality! If she's really that bothered, she can pay to have your hair photoshopped any colour she wants, after the event.

Original poster

PiperLeo · 12/06/2024 11:48

easylikeasundaymorn · 12/06/2024 11:35

YANBU to not dye your hair for this sister's wedding....but I am confused about what you said about your other sister's wedding - why would you think she would 'not approve' of your natural colour if she had never said anything either way and presumably grew up with you having it that colour....and if you think she wouldn't approve of your natural colour why on earth would you go from one unnatural colour (bright red) to another one (plum?) Surely the plum was the worst of both worlds as it was neither your original colour nor the colour your sister was used to you having (and presumably expected you to have?)

I just don't see WHY you would pre-emptively assume one sister wouldn't like your hair colour at her wedding so would pro-actively change it without being asked - but change it to something completely random. For someone who doesn't like attention that's quite a strange thing to do for someone else's big occasion, I imagine a lot of people commented.

Again - I DON'T think you SHOULD change your hair if you don't want to and I don't think your sister should have ever asked you to - but it does seem like there's a bit more going on here. Perhaps the fact that you'd voluntarily changed your hair for one sister is what led the second sister to think it was something you wouldn't mind doing?

Edited

As I said, I was going through an identity crisis. Now thinking about it, my mental health had completely taken over and I was overly stressing about everything. She doesn't like my hair colour either...theyre both very girly, blond hair, fake eyelashes, getting their eyebrows done regularly etc. I'm not like that at all. The other sister did mention my hair at some point but she wasn't adamant because I wasn't her bridesmaid. At the time I felt like people would be looking at me and thinking I was too old for that hair colour or that I just looked ridiculous so I made the (wrong) decision to dye it a few wekes before the wedding. I couldn't go to my natural color because it would have taken too long or would have been too expensive so I went for a darker colour that would cover the red.

Nobody commented. Why would they? The day wasn't about me. But In my head, I was being judged.

I have low self esteem but I don't feel as bad now so I'm not best pleased about being asked to change it.

OP posts:

Megifer · 12/06/2024 11:44

That colour is amazing op 😍

Original poster

PiperLeo · 12/06/2024 11:39

dunkdemunder · 12/06/2024 11:19

@Allfur

Tbf you might be right. It depends on what is being discussed. As it's dyed and bright, I'm picturing this.

It may not be this at all!!!

But this would draw the eye immediately to the hair which is nit something everyone wants in their photos.

Same as not everyone wants other people wearing white.

Yep that's pretty much the colour I have.

OP posts:

easylikeasundaymorn · 12/06/2024 11:35

YANBU to not dye your hair for this sister's wedding....but I am confused about what you said about your other sister's wedding - why would you think she would 'not approve' of your natural colour if she had never said anything either way and presumably grew up with you having it that colour....and if you think she wouldn't approve of your natural colour why on earth would you go from one unnatural colour (bright red) to another one (plum?) Surely the plum was the worst of both worlds as it was neither your original colour nor the colour your sister was used to you having (and presumably expected you to have?)

I just don't see WHY you would pre-emptively assume one sister wouldn't like your hair colour at her wedding so would pro-actively change it without being asked - but change it to something completely random. For someone who doesn't like attention that's quite a strange thing to do for someone else's big occasion, I imagine a lot of people commented.

Again - I DON'T think you SHOULD change your hair if you don't want to and I don't think your sister should have ever asked you to - but it does seem like there's a bit more going on here. Perhaps the fact that you'd voluntarily changed your hair for one sister is what led the second sister to think it was something you wouldn't mind doing?

CheeseSandwichRiskAssessment · 12/06/2024 11:33

MabelMaybe · 12/06/2024 09:31

Tell her you won't be bridesmaid. Then buy the mother of all hats and wear it as a guest.

Like Beatrice's toilet seat hat at William and Kate's wedding

NomNomNominativeDeterminism · 12/06/2024 11:28

“She is getting married not becoming dictator of the world.”

@Marblessolveeverything words to live by!

It beats Live Laugh Love, doesn’t it?

dunkdemunder · 12/06/2024 11:19

@Allfur

Tbf you might be right. It depends on what is being discussed. As it's dyed and bright, I'm picturing this.

It may not be this at all!!!

But this would draw the eye immediately to the hair which is nit something everyone wants in their photos.

Same as not everyone wants other people wearing white.

To be annoyed that my sister wants me to change my hair for her wedding.

WhalesinWales · 12/06/2024 11:17

Can you tell her you're afraid you're not being a bridesmaid unless she gets a nose job, because you don't want her nose getting in the way of you looking beautiful in the pictures?

Original poster

PiperLeo · 12/06/2024 11:16

Thanks for your comments folks. I just wanted to see if I was being selfish. I probably will end up at least toning my colour down just to keep the peace because I know if I say no, she will take it to heart and think I'm trying to ruin her big day or something and I can't be dealing with that. I'm already stressed enough about all this and it's not even my wedding! I appreciate your honesty.

OP posts:

WhalesinWales · 12/06/2024 11:12

This is hilarious (sorry, @PiperLeo - not your distress, of course, but your sister's "request"). WTAF?! And who TF are the 8% of respondents who think YABU to want your hair whatever colour you want your hair??
Don't change a thing. You're sister is being the world's biggest bellend.
Hope you have fun as a bridesmaid :)

Original poster

PiperLeo · 12/06/2024 11:12

stopthepigeonstopthepigeon · 12/06/2024 07:24

She now feels hurt that I don't want to so I've kinda been guilt tripped into doing it

She’s hurt that you won’t change your hair colour? Give over, she is not. She just wants her own way.

Edited

No, that was about being bridesmaid. I feel too self conscious about my weight. 🙄

OP posts:

Thepeopleversuswork · 12/06/2024 11:09

This thread has been a real eye opener. I had no idea people were still so narrow minded. And the idea you would prioritise micromanaging the wedding photos over good relationships with friends and family is just bonkers.

Original poster

PiperLeo · 12/06/2024 11:07

Cliedi · 12/06/2024 07:11

Christ, she hasn’t let you pick out a dress that suits your shape and now she’s trying to dictate your hair? Hopefully she’s lost her mind a bit and become bridezilla but is usually nice. Honestly I’d suck up the dress and offer to wear a wig (at her expense) as it’s your sister and not worth starting Ww3 over.

The dress situation isn't that straightforward. She is on a budget and we went to a place that only did one style with sleeves. I have massive forearms. I do love the dress. Just not on me. In all fairness, I only ever wear black as it's all I feel comfortable in.

OP posts:

HROSESATTERS · 12/06/2024 10:53

It's your hair and body and it's totally unreasonable for her to request you change anything x

Allfur · 12/06/2024 10:47

dunkdemunder · 12/06/2024 08:59

Absolutely it can be stunning.

But the photos end up with the hair grabbing the eye and that's not what a couple wants for the rest of their lives. A massive pop of colour distracting from them. Wedding photos are really expensive and a lot of effort goes in to producing beautiful images. One person with crazy colours hair is very distracting. And in every group photo the red hair grabs the attention. On the one day it's all about the couple.

Show quote history

A head of hair is hardly a massive pop of colour

needsomewarmsunshine · 12/06/2024 10:45

Team OP.
Flame me I don't care, but she might not even be still married within two years, the photos will be irrelevant.
I've had a bright blue wavy bob style for 5 years and no one would dare tell me to change it. Not happening until I want to. Stay strong OP

Ineedaholidayyyy · 12/06/2024 10:44

No absolutely not, please do not allow your sister to bully you into changing your hair colour for this, or in fact for any reason! You are not selfish for saying no.

If she wants you to be her bridesmaid, then she should accept you exactly as you are. You've had red hair for years, why should you change it for her? If its a deal breaker for her, then sadly I'd decline being a bridesmaid, there is no way I'd let anyone dictate how I wear my hair.

I just don't understand why some people get like this when they are getting married ,it's just so self absorbed.

Els1e · 12/06/2024 10:43

I would just say no and offer to step down to being a bridesmaid. Go as a guest and wear what you want.

2AND2GC · 12/06/2024 10:24

Please don't dye your hair. You are who you are and this look is part of you.

Maybe sit down with your sister and offer - with love - to stand down as bridesmaid if it's going to make things easier. Be really loving and genuine about it.

She might get over herself and realise that she wants you - red hair and all. The situation will just dissolve and everyone will move on.

Or she might agree. In which case it's hurtful but at least things have been brought to a head and you can draw a line. Maybe you could do a reading or make a speech or something? If you feel self-conscious in a bridesmaids dress you might enjoy the wedding more with a different role?

I'm sorry you're in this fix

PinkyFlamingo · 12/06/2024 10:18

There's nothing even outrageous about bright red hair, so many shallow people here that wouldn't have someone they love as BM just because of hair colour. Truly mad.

Itsallabouttea · 12/06/2024 09:58

Thepeopleversuswork · 12/06/2024 08:50

@newbathroomhelplease

I wouldn't want someone with bright red hair in my wedding photos so I wouldn't ask them to be bridesmaid. Not my vibe at all.

This could not be a more perfect illustration of Bridezilla behaviour if it tried. Are you serious?

You think because you’re getting married you get to control and micromanage not just every square inch of your own life but of other people’s?

This encapsulates why I generally don’t like weddings. An orgy of fastidiousness, stealth judgment and entitlement.

OP: go as you are or don’t go. Fuck being told how to look by someone else.

This. A wedding should be about being surrounded by the people you love. When I got married we just told people to wear whatever they wanted, we wouldn't have cared if people were in jeans. The absolute entitlement of thinking you have a right to dictate how people look all for your photos!

Megifer · 12/06/2024 09:55

Reminds me of the time I was asked to dye my hair back to my normal dark brown (it was green/red/purple/blue/pink and wildly curly, like an afro!) for a family wedding and I said sure no problem I'll sort it and did sweet FA 🤣

bride and her mums face was a picture and when it came to the photos the bride asked me to step out of them, fine, i wanted a cig anyway probably, but most of the family/guests (and I love them all for this) waved me back over and put me in the middle at the back right behind the bride 😂😂

BadSkiingMum · 12/06/2024 09:51

As your hair suits you, then you will look great as a bridesmaid.

If you wanted to compromise with your sister and she was worried about your red hair standing out too much in photos, then perhaps all the bridesmaids could wear a small fascinator or head-piece? That would tie the look together.

VJBR · 12/06/2024 09:51

One of my daughters seems to have different coloured hair for each family wedding or christening - being a bridesmaid twice and a Godmother twice. Nobody gives a hoot. It is who she is. It has actually become a thing. Don't be bullied into something that isn't you and that includes being a reluctant bridesmaid and feeling uncomfortable in what you wear.