To be annoyed that my sister wants me to change my hair for her wedding.

We've just had this exact situation with my 17 year old daughter. Her dad is getting married in September and has told her she has to dye her hair back to her natural brown colour (hers has been red for about 2-3 years now) she brought it up at a family party last week and everyone else at the party told her dad to stop being ridiculous and he backed down.

You shouldn't have to change your hair colour at all.

Neither could I.
Some of us aren't bothered about being the centre of attention, some of us aren't so self obsessed that a bridesmaid with coloured hair would bother us and others, like @Thepeopleversuswork and I, really really couldn't care less.

@dunkdemunder

Would you be ok with someone wearing something very attention seeking?

I genuinely couldn’t give a flying fuck if someone turned up at my (hypothetical) wedding with bright red hair. Literally wouldn’t register with me.

It's a long established courtesy not to upstage the bride cage by upstage it's not just regarding looking better than the bride. Just don't turn up in a way that is going to draw attention to you.
Photos may not be important to you but they are important for a lot of people and wearing something or having bright artificial coloured hair will affect the way the photos look.

Would you be ok with someone wearing something very attention seeking?
Images below of guests lambasted for a) wearing a hugely attention grabbing dress and b) wearing white and looking too much like a bride.

It's just common decency and the rule at weddings. It's not about you. Even if you aren't trying to make it about you, if it's attention grabbing, tone it down.

Fussy weddings are shallow- they are all about facades and look, that's why people wear silly dresses that cost thousands of pounds, daft suits with top hats and have bizarre things like pipers, release doves and butterflies and rent stately homes for the day. It's all about look and effect. I hate them.

@ChinaBlueBell you're the issue here, by defining people with hair you don't like as not "normal".

Please define a normal person, is it one that has hair a colour that you decide is acceptable?

What other physical aspects do you define as making a person "normal"?

I'm going to a wedding on Saturday and have just dyed my hair bright purple and pink! To be fair I'm not a bridesmaid and I did check with the bride first as it's a new colour.
But your sister knew what colour your hair was when she asked you to be a bridesmaid, if it was that much of an issue she shouldn't have asked you!

I think it’s controlling to expect you change hair colour BUT to appease her I probably would put a wash in wash out colour over the red so that it tones the colour down for the week

We see through you, sweetie. That isn't going to work.

Are you ok? Or are you agreeing with this very derogatory comment?

Are you suggesting wheelchairs and black people are not normal??? How low of you.

@PiperLeo that colour hair is fabulous 👏

@CushionPicasso

How would you handle someone in a wheelchair being a bridesmaid? Or a black person rocking a large Afro style? Would they confirm to your standards of ‘normal’ or would they draw attention from you as the bride in those all-important photos? Just trying to understand what ‘normal’ means to you.

🙌

How would you handle someone in a wheelchair being a bridesmaid? Or a black person rocking a large Afro style? Would they confirm to your standards of ‘normal’ or would they draw attention from you as the bride in those all-important photos? Just trying to understand what ‘normal’ means to you.

What an absolute control freaking bridezilla she is.

No one should expect another person to alter their appearance.

Appalling behaviour.

@PiperLeo does she not realise that getting it blond would require bleach and
probably loads of maintenance - apart from it being a flipping cheek? Definite no from me.

Tell her your not changing it so you’ll be a guest

Wear a pair of red horns with it

Keep your hair red! I'd only say try and make sure your roots are fresh for the day for photos

At our wedding we had the most sweet wee guest who totally stole the show with her cuteness. She's at the front on all the group photos and even cut our cake with us. We weren't bothered as it was about having happy guests and a lovely day with our friends.
This thread has been eye opening! @PiperLeo don't change a thing about your appearance. I would though be giving serious thought to just going as a regular guest and reducing the stress this is giving you.

Jarring? What an unkind thing to say! Perhaps the BMs should all dye their hair beige so that they blend into the walls.

For the final time

A WEDDING IS NOT ABOUT THE PHOTOS

It is about two people getting married.
No apologies from me for shouting. Too many bridezillas have got their priorities wrong.

Her wedding, she makes the decisions about 'look' of the wedding party.

It's a wedding, you know, to celebrate the union of the bride and groom, not an am dram performance with your image chosen for you.

The 'look' of the wedding party indeed!

Wow how shallow.
Surely it’s about the people you are standing with, their love and the joy that they are sharing your day with, rather than their bright hair and ‘slug’ eyebrows

But the photos end up with the hair grabbing the eye and that's not what a couple wants for the rest of their lives

I don't think most people spend the rest of their lives looking at their wedding photos. When you're planning your wedding you might get a bit carried away about how important you thinkbthe aesthetic details are, but actually... they really aren't. It's one day. And then hopefully a long, happy marriage. Some people are so unbelievably shallow!