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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that my sister wants me to change my hair for her wedding.

310 replies

PiperLeo · 11/06/2024 23:12

I have bright red hair. I love the colour. It makes me feel good about myself. I even feel pretty on some days which is huge for me since I'm quite a big girl and hate my body. (That's a whole other issue)

I've had my hair like this for the most part of 10 years.

My sister is getting married in April and insists I be a bridesmaid. She has asked me to "tone down the colour" she initially wanted me to dye it blond as she insists it would suit me. But I have no intention of doing so. She said it would be fine if I went back to my natural colour (Auburn)

My other sister got married last year and I went through an identity crisis. Cut my long hair off into a bob and dyed it a plum colour instead...just in case she didn't approve of my normal colour. She didn't say anything but I wasn't her bridesmaid. I hated it so went back to bright red.

AIBU to think that my hair colour shouldn't matter as everyone will be looking at her and not me?

Or am I being selfish?

I already don't feel good in my bridesmaid dress because of my body type so not having my hair to back me up, I fear it will be a miserable day for me. (Selfish?)

OP posts:
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ChinaBlueBell · 14/06/2024 06:49

This reply has been deleted

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RampantIvy · 14/06/2024 06:44

Where have I been racist @ChinaBlueBell?

Are you not familiar with the expression about digging yourself into a hole?

if you find yourself in a hole, stop digging." It is used as a metaphor, warning that when in an untenable position, it is best to stop making the situation worse.

Blarneytalk · 14/06/2024 06:31

It is up to the bride how her bridesmaids look. If she doesn't want bright hair, then the bridesmaid can choose not to fulfil the role. Personally, I would not have asked her in the first place.

Perfect example of your shallowness, bride can choose asthetically good looking bridesmaids, who match with her requirement, rather than nearest and most precious.

Just imagine being that shallow.... @ChinaBlueBell and personally you'd never be a friend of mine (and if a sister, probably NC or LC), so I would t choose you for a bridesmaid.

Fraaahnces · 14/06/2024 06:24

Do you guys think you can take this outside instead of taking over the thread please?

Blarneytalk · 14/06/2024 06:19

@ChinaBlueBell you've not got "standards", you're just shallow, it's the absolute opposite of standards.

ChinaBlueBell · 14/06/2024 06:10

SapphireSeptember · 14/06/2024 06:00

Right back at you. You're the one doing the insulting. I'm merely pointing out it makes you sound immature.

Oooh! Why thank you. 😆
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8YQzhPytcIw&pp=ygUQZnJlYWsgb24gYSBsZWFzaA%3D%3D

Show quote history

There’s nothing immature about having standards. Quite opposite in fact. And no, I won’t be clicking on your juvenile link. Grow up.

SapphireSeptember · 14/06/2024 06:00

ChinaBlueBell · 13/06/2024 10:42

You have no idea who I am but the fact you like throwing around insults anonymously on the internet shows you who you are. As for “freak” if the word fits lady 😆

Show quote history

Right back at you. You're the one doing the insulting. I'm merely pointing out it makes you sound immature.

Oooh! Why thank you. 😆
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8YQzhPytcIw&pp=ygUQZnJlYWsgb24gYSBsZWFzaA%3D%3D

koRn Freak On A Leash Live ft Amy Lee

https://m.youtube.com/watch?pp=ygUQZnJlYWsgb24gYSBsZWFzaA%3D%3D&v=8YQzhPytcIw

Fraaahnces · 14/06/2024 04:06

TBH, I think you should ask her why she asked you to be a bridesmaid knowing you love your red hair. Throw it back on her as a HER problem. Telling everyone you’re going blonde - knowing you’ve never considered this is the ultimate Bridezilla act. I’d rather step back and let her choose a different Barbie.

ChinaBlueBell · 14/06/2024 03:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Nanny0gg · 13/06/2024 21:25

Bottom line is that changing the hair colour will take time, be potentially damaging and isn't the colour the OP wants!
It also won't be that quick to change back

So her sister either puts up or does without her sister and her hair!

MissingMoominMamma · 13/06/2024 18:20

newbathroomhelplease · 11/06/2024 23:49

I wouldn't want someone with bright red hair in my wedding photos so I wouldn't ask them to be bridesmaid. Not my vibe at all.

I wanted people I loved…

OVienna · 13/06/2024 18:07

Yanbu provided that you don't dictate to your sister that the colour mustn't clash with her dress choice. I wouldn't want to have to work around that.

neverbeenskiing · 13/06/2024 18:03

Coldsore · 12/06/2024 07:54

I’m not shallow - I’m just massively put off by people who need to make their hair their personality/bright hair colours. I don’t like it. Same with blow up doll lips and over the top make up - anything overly unnatural. It’s not to my personal taste.

I am not character assassinating the OP I think she needs some therapy.

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Dyeing your hair a bright colour means you need therapy? I've heard it all now.

godmum56 · 13/06/2024 17:47

2AND2GC · 12/06/2024 10:24

Please don't dye your hair. You are who you are and this look is part of you.

Maybe sit down with your sister and offer - with love - to stand down as bridesmaid if it's going to make things easier. Be really loving and genuine about it.

She might get over herself and realise that she wants you - red hair and all. The situation will just dissolve and everyone will move on.

Or she might agree. In which case it's hurtful but at least things have been brought to a head and you can draw a line. Maybe you could do a reading or make a speech or something? If you feel self-conscious in a bridesmaids dress you might enjoy the wedding more with a different role?

I'm sorry you're in this fix Flowers

In this circ, I think being able to be loving AND genuine might be a bit of a reach!

RampantIvy · 13/06/2024 12:21

@ChinaBlueBell

To be annoyed that my sister wants me to change my hair for her wedding.
whatsitcalledwhen · 13/06/2024 11:36

@ChinaBlueBell

But can you not see looking back why some people were shocked that you wouldn't have someone you love as a bridesmaid if they didn't fit into your aesthetically acceptable category?

What if a dear friend of yours was ill and lost all of their hair, would you really ask them to step down as bridesmaid or wear a wig? Just because them not having hair might pull focus in a picture?

ChinaBlueBell · 13/06/2024 10:42

SapphireSeptember · 13/06/2024 02:38

@ChinaBlueBell
I would much rather be a freak than be like you. Although throwing that word around makes you sound like an American highschool student from 20 years ago. 🙄

You have no idea who I am but the fact you like throwing around insults anonymously on the internet shows you who you are. As for “freak” if the word fits lady 😆

Idontjetwashthefucker · 13/06/2024 10:18

enigmatoto · 13/06/2024 00:41

THIS, 👆
WITH A THOUSAND BELLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 👌

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I wouldn't be wearing a wig, that's just as bad as asking OP to dye it, either Bridezilla accepts it or doesn't

pinkyredrose · 13/06/2024 09:27

NightIbble · 12/06/2024 19:08

I'm going to a wedding on Saturday and have just dyed my hair bright purple and pink! To be fair I'm not a bridesmaid and I did check with the bride first as it's a new colour.
But your sister knew what colour your hair was when she asked you to be a bridesmaid, if it was that much of an issue she shouldn't have asked you!

Why did you check with the bride?

BenditLikeVictoria · 13/06/2024 09:22

You’re in the daily mail @PiperLeo

SapphireSeptember · 13/06/2024 02:38

@ChinaBlueBell
I would much rather be a freak than be like you. Although throwing that word around makes you sound like an American highschool student from 20 years ago. 🙄

ChinaBlueBell · 13/06/2024 02:07

LordSnot · 12/06/2024 19:02

We see through you, sweetie. That isn't going to work.

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And I see through you loud and clear. Your harassment won’t work.

ChinaBlueBell · 13/06/2024 02:06

Est1990 · 12/06/2024 23:35

I was really looking forward to see @ChinaBlueBell 'normal' wedding photos...but no luck.

Probs the devoted husband still organising them on their leather cover photo album

Why does having a devoted husband offend you? How sad and vicious.

enigmatoto · 13/06/2024 00:41

Carock · 11/06/2024 23:14

Wear a wig or dont be a bridesmaid. That’s would be my options, and I have shocking coloured hair. But I sure as hell wouldn’t let anyone determine the colour of my hair or unnecessarily processing it just so someone else can look good on their wedding day.

THIS, 👆
WITH A THOUSAND BELLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 👌

Est1990 · 12/06/2024 23:35

I was really looking forward to see @ChinaBlueBell 'normal' wedding photos...but no luck.

Probs the devoted husband still organising them on their leather cover photo album

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