To be annoyed that my sister wants me to change my hair for her wedding.

I would immediately bow out and just be a guest. There will be no winner in this scenario and it will only cause you grief and bitterness.

This. I'd suggest she finds a bridesmaid that already matches her colour scheme.

I think the true meaning of a wedding is being missed here, the aesthetics of some photographs shouldn’t be more important than the people we share our lives with.
Yes a wedding is about the love of the married couple, but it’s also about sharing that special occasion with the family and friends we love the most (regardless of their hair colour). Your red hair is part of who you are, if they love you they will accept that. And let’s face it, the main wedding photos are of the couple alone, does it really matter if the family photos have someone with red hair?! Ffs!

One of my bridesmaids shaved her hair and got a tattoo on the side of her head, the week before my wedding. Couldn't even wear the floral head circlet thing, because the bloody tattoo had got infected.
I seethed inwardly but said nothing, because bride or not I couldn't dictate someone else's haircut. It's funny now, but it's taken a decade or two!

@PiperLeo I understand where you're coming from. I'm 'bigger' too and for years my hair was my 'shield'. Unfortunately menopause and illness has destroyed it. I feel quite lost now.

However I'm swimming uptide here, but red will massively stand out in all the wedding photos. Like those black & white photos where they inject one colour.

How would you feel if the photos were 'fixed' to you having a natural colour? I think that's a compromise I could live with from both POV

She shouldn't ask you to change your hair! I've seen a couple AITA reddit threads on this topic if you feel like googling.

OMG. I thought your thread would be about how she wanted you to have a new style, not dye your flippin' hair! YANBU.

From the thread title I thought yes you should, but then I read you've had it for 10 years, your bright red is just part of you now.

Sorry you're going through this. Btw you can tell her if your hair is auburn naturally blonde is unlikely to look good.

Separately, can you have a dress designed/made specifically for you in the same fabric, or add a bolero or similar? The right dress will go a long way in feeling good on the day.

I don’t think you want to be a bridesmaid. Just tell her so.

I wouldn't want someone with bright red hair in my wedding photos so I wouldn't ask them to be bridesmaid. Not my vibe at all.

She is getting married not becoming dictator of the world. The CF.

You keep your hair colour. Simple as that. If she doesn't like it, then tough.

You’re entitled to have your hair the way you want it. Don’t let your sister dictate to you! She either has you as a bridesmaid with your choice of hair colour or if it’s a dealbreaker then she’ll have to accept that you can’t be a bridesmaid (which actually sounds like it might be a bit of a relief for you).

She's insisting you are bridesmaid AND wants to dictate your hair colour.

If you really would prefer not to be a bridesmaid then I think you could tell her you respect that she wants a certain look for her wedding but you are not changing your hair colour and won't be offended if she chooses someone else as a bridesmaid and you will look forward to sharing her big day as a guest.

Essentially she accepts you as you are or finds someone else to be a bridesmaid.

Not that your sister has any right to dictate your hair to you, but on a practical level red dye is notoriously difficult to get out. It would take you many dye jobs to get to blonde and you'd have to have it done professionally or you'd ruin your hair. So it'd cost a fortune and may not even work!

I've gone blonde over the course of a year from dark brown with a red ballyage (because grey roots, ugh) and it took ages to get rid of the red. In fact, one stubborn streak only went finally because I had it cut shorter.

Also, your hair sounds gorgeous and I bet you are too.

LOL no, she can't dictate you dye your hair! WTF.

I don't understand / agree with the whole "It's my perfect day! It has to be perfect and everything must be as I say!!!" attitude to weddings anyway. Seems very immature. As for photos, as long as the people you love are there with a smile on their face, that should be what matters

Your sister is selfish. Not you!

Hilarious just tell her to stop the bridezillaryness

Fuck that, you've been that colour for years, don't wear a wig or step down from being a bridesmaid either. Tell her the red is staying, she can either stfu or sack you as a bridesmaid if she feels so strongly. Hopefully she'll back down then but if she doesn't, tell her tgtf

She is being ridiculous. It sounds like she wants you as a prop for photos.

Weddings aren't about photos, they are about 2 people marrying each other. Everything else is just window dressing.

Tell her to choose a decent photographer and they can photoshop your hair to whatever colour she wants.

I was a bridesmaid with blue hair. At a deeply trad wedding where my friend married into minor aristocracy and the other two bridesmaids were classic English rose types.

YANBU but does she perhaps think you did what you did for your other sister's wedding at her behest, and therefore that's why it's ok for her to ask this if you?