To be annoyed that my sister wants me to change my hair for her wedding.

I wonder if she would dye her hair if you asked her to do so for your wedding? Ask her!

In my opinion, no, your hair colour should absolutely not matter.
When I got married my bridesmaids chose their dresses and shoes. Both of our Fathers also wore slightly different suits to accommodate breathing / Alzheimer’s needs (ties instead of cravattes like the groomsmen). Because what was important to me was that they were there and they were happy and comfortable.
Thats how it should be.

Firstly going from bright red to blonde isn’t going to be an easy or cheap process. You shouldn’t have to change your hair it’s your body your head she can’t over rule that.

This is bridezilla territory, tell her she's being ridiculous. Or ask her who else's appearance she has requested they spend money to change to fit into her wedding?! This is selfish and weird beyond belief!

I think your sister is being an ass.

my one bridesmaid dyed her hair an outrageously fugly salmon color, and never in a billion years would I comment on it.

You should look like you. And at least red is a natural hair color. Can you get like an brown red washout and put ontop for the day? Just mute it a bit? I don’t dye my hair so I don’t know. I use henna, and It barely tints my medium brown hair, but I love the purple or red tints and the conditioning.

but yeah. I think it’s crazy off her too be demanding blonde! Maybe grab a Halloween wig to prove a point? Like bleach platinum?

and I’m sure you b are more insecure about your body and no one else notices! We all do that. Especially if you were ever teased in school. I still have trauma over my ‘bushido eyebrows’ now they are back in (school in the 90’s when they were barely there!) and the bully overtwezed and has none. Ha!

but I still check them, and trim and worry!

@ChinaBlueBell You don't have to. The song title is 'Freak on a leash'. Great song, made even better by the gorgeous and talented Amy Lee. 😍 I don't see why I need to 'grow up' for appreciating a good tune. 🤣

Quite, but it is immature to use the words freak/freakish about anybody if you're a grown adult. 🙄 We can argue about that until the cows come home!

Your sister is ridiculous. Tell her she accepts you for you or you’re quite happy to go as a guest.

bridezilla.

or if you’re going to bend to her crazy wish, ask her to pay for the trip to the hairdressers to make it blonde then the followup to make it red again. I suspect she will change her mind as that will be costly,

Ridiculous behaviour from your sister. Seen it all too often with weddings and it grinds my gears. It may not be conscious of her but it’s ridiculous nonetheless.

I know it’s easier said than done but when it boils down to it, there are two options here and you need to be firm with communicating them.

1 - you are bridesmaid and keep your colour hair
2 - you don’t be a bridesmaid and keep your colour hair (and if she drops you this says more about her so try not to feel bad.)

this is a HER issue, not a YOU issue. You’re already compromising and doing something giving towards her as I know so many do wearing a dress you’re not comfortable in on your sister’s wedding. It is completely unreasonable to expect you to change your appearance for her wedding!

YANBU

She knew what colour your hair was before she asked you.

As others have said, YANBU (IMO) However, I would offer to tone it down a bit, and say you will 'try' to make it look a more natural colour but blond is not on the cards.

That red is amazing 😍 I have bright hair colour too, and I change mine frequently. If this is your usual colour then noone will notice it. Changing the colour is going to draw more attention to your hair/you and I get the vibe that you don't want the attention?

What colour is the dress?

My daughter has red hair. Extensions. And tattoos. She will be wearing bottle green as my bridesmaid this year...Alongside her younger sister. And I will love every minute of how beautiful they are.

This is a ridiculous request and I would not be beidesmaid If it were me

One of my bridesmaids was blonde, one had mousy hair and the third was a gloriously striking redhead. All 3 were bridesmaids because they were people I loved and wanted with me at my wedding. The idea of asking any of them to change to accommodate wedding photos would have never crossed my mind. People are more than their appearance. Weddings are about more than a photo!

She cannot and should not demand you to change your hair colour.

Tell her to stop being a diva and stick the bridesmaid invite.

You'll have a much better time as 'just' a guest anyway 😊

MabelMaybe · 12/06/2024 09:31
Tell her you won't be bridesmaid. Then buy the mother of all hats and wear it as a guest”

🤣🤣🤣

This is terrible OP- I’m sorry your sister has put you in this situation.
Your sister has no right to dictate what colour your hair should be. This is why I don’t like adult bridesmaids - what is their role? I always thought to was to support the bride but for lots of folk bridesmaids just seem to be some sort of accessory to the bride that needs to look pretty.
if I were you I would explain to your sister what your hair means to you and that you won’t be changing it. If the image of the bridesmaids is more important than the supportive role that you would offer then maybe it’s best you step back from the bridesmaid role (or give her the choice to have you with red hair or not at all). Not an easy convo I know.

@ChinaBlueBell

I am really struggling to see how you have arrived at the conclusion that @RampantIvy is racist. There is no evidence of this.

You have poured out a barrage of invective against people who you define as not being “normal” which apparently means no self adornment which wouldn’t have passed muster in a 1950s convent school. And gone on to say that it’s perfectly acceptable to choose people based purely on how well they adhere to your standards of dress.

You must understand how bigoted this sounds?

Maybe I shouldn't have asked my overweight sister to be my bridesmaid, or should have asked my mum to dye her hair

Oh no. Wait. They were my nearest and dearest and I wanted them there to celebrate my wedding.

We are still happily married nearly 43 years later.

Can I ask why though?

Someone you love, value, respect and have a close relationship with is someone you always thought would be your bridesmaid.

But they dye their hair red and you then don't want them to be your bridesmaid anymore?

Why? Is it because you think they'll somehow steal attention from you on the day? Surely your friends and family ones at your wedding love you enough that their primary focus is going to be you, the bride? And surely the day is all about celebrating your love and the photos will be a memory of a day filled with love?

How does a bridesmaid having red hair change anything about all that?

It's no wonder that so many people fall out over weddings. The pressure to conform to some kind of "normal" () aesthetic seems to blind far too many bridezillas. Being a bridesmaid at a mumsnet wedding seems to be a poisoned chalice.

No, just say I won't change my hair, let bridezilla ask her to step down and show her true colours.

I must say I wouldn't want someone with bright red hair as my bridesmaid, if you don't want to change your hair, tell her you can't be a bridesmaid. X

@ChinaBlueBell well you do come across as very odd and your view of "normal", is very concerning. So people will make lots of assumptions about you.

Exactly this, but for some who don't see that. They want the photos to be controlled so when they're displayed for the five years before they're divorced, they can think "I made them all look like that".

It's a short lived joy, as shallow people are soon bored with, but it makes them happy before they chuck them in the bin.

A wedding to me and the majority of the posters on this thread is not about the aesthetics but about two people making a public commitment to each other.

I suppose you would be offended that the last wedding I attended was a same sex wedding.