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AIBU?

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Peeping through opaque windows?

63 replies

ThingsPeopleDo · 11/06/2024 17:09

A senior male DF lives in a row of maisonettes above shops. The end of the walkway overlooks the garden of some other flats. When short of breath, he sometimes pauses and looks at the plants in that garden for a couple of minutes (certainly no longer and there are no other gardens nearby to look at). A woman resident there complained to DF's female friend that he stares into her window, making her uncomfortable. A couple of male residents allegedly support her.

Those windows have an extremely dark heat-reflective glass which you just can't see into from outside. You couldn't see if anybody was inside. DF doesn't know the complainant or which flat she's in. He just saw dark glass and didn't think about being seen from inside and ppl thinking he was peeping. He has no intention of looking into windows. His very highly valued female friend of several years (not GF) takes the woman's side (been friends with her for 1-2 months). She says he shouldn't even use those steps down to ground (there are others).

Has DF done wrong, and are either/both women being unreasonable? He doesn't like upsetting ppl.

YABU - He shouldn't look into the garden at all.
YANBU - He may be naive but hasn't done anything pervy or wrong. His friend should support him.

OP posts:
Allofaflutter · 11/06/2024 18:06

She is harassing him if anything.

TheTartfulLodger · 11/06/2024 18:06

ThingsPeopleDo · 11/06/2024 17:50

The lady friend has recently befriended the complainant apparently, and is taking her side. It seems strange and unfair. It seems there are no suitable intermediaries.

Edited

Perhaps the lady friend is part of the problem then.

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 11/06/2024 18:03

MiriamMay · 11/06/2024 18:00

If lots of people are taking the woman’s side, including his good friend, you have to consider that he might well have engaged in behaviour that is making her uncomfortable.

Ah no beat me to it!

Someone already HAS

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 11/06/2024 18:02

I can't believe how many people are saying he'd deserve it if he got called a pervert etc rather than pointing out the woman is in the wrong to accuse an elderly man just stopping to catch his breath and look at the flowers of perving through a window he can't even SEE through

Well, tbf, it is MN. Someone will be along in a minute to say he probably was perving and is lying to cover it up!

midgetastic · 11/06/2024 18:02

Or she's like this thread - managed to drum up outrage

rainbowunicorn · 11/06/2024 18:01

Bloody hell the reading comprehension on this site gets worse every day.

midgetastic · 11/06/2024 18:01

Grief "accused of staring at someone"

If you don't want to be seen you make sure your windows are obscured- oh wait - they are

MiriamMay · 11/06/2024 18:00

If lots of people are taking the woman’s side, including his good friend, you have to consider that he might well have engaged in behaviour that is making her uncomfortable.

5128gap · 11/06/2024 17:57

KreedKafer · 11/06/2024 17:48

He's not staring out of a window. In actual fact, the woman is staring out of the window AT HIM. He doesn't even know she's there, because he can see literally nothing. He is no more invading her privacy than he would be if he was standing on the other side of a brick wall.

It hardly matters, does it? Several people are accusing him of staring in at women. He will make life a whole lot easier for himself by simply stopping. If I were him and I stood to get a reputation as a peeping Tom even if groundless, staring at plants is not the hill I'd die on. Would you?

EatCrow · 11/06/2024 17:51

Can you add a third option in your vote OP - c) he’s done absolutely nothing wrong.

ThingsPeopleDo · 11/06/2024 17:50

neilyoungismyhero · 11/06/2024 17:27

It sounds like his lady friend knows the complainant or have I misread - if as you say, she is supporting her? Hasn't your dad explained the situation to his chum who could pass it on to worried neighbour?

The lady friend has recently befriended the complainant apparently, and is taking her side. It seems strange and unfair. It seems there are no suitable intermediaries.

OP posts:
EatCrow · 11/06/2024 17:48

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 11/06/2024 17:47

He doesn't need to modify his behaviour to make a woman feel more comfortable wtf!

There's one way glass so he can't even see in and her window overlooks a garden ANYONE can look at

He's done nothing wrong and she should apologise to him for making HIM uncomfortable!

Hear hear! And shame on his ‘friend’ who’s taken against him.

KreedKafer · 11/06/2024 17:48

5128gap · 11/06/2024 17:27

If he doesn't like upsetting people he needs to stop staring out of that window. Just because he knows he's not peeping and can't see anything, doesn't mean he's not unerving women. It doesn't sound like a big ask to stop doing something minor for him that's causing women discomfort, so the decent and easiest thing to do is surely just stop. Tbh it's in his interests as now he's been told if he carried on, it will seem deliberate and if he gets himself a label, people will not be kind.

He's not staring out of a window. In actual fact, the woman is staring out of the window AT HIM. He doesn't even know she's there, because he can see literally nothing. He is no more invading her privacy than he would be if he was standing on the other side of a brick wall.

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 11/06/2024 17:47

He doesn't need to modify his behaviour to make a woman feel more comfortable wtf!

There's one way glass so he can't even see in and her window overlooks a garden ANYONE can look at

He's done nothing wrong and she should apologise to him for making HIM uncomfortable!

ThingsPeopleDo · 11/06/2024 17:45

mathanxiety · 11/06/2024 17:43

FHS, people - read the OP.

He is stopping outdoors when walking.

When he stops, he sometimes looks at the flowers in a specific garden, the only one with flowers.

He is not indoors staring out or across to another flat.

He can't see into the home outside of which he stops when out of breath. There is dark glass in the windows that he can't see through.

I think the woman who is complaining needs to go outside and try to see through her own windows from outside. She will realise she has nothing to worry about.

Well done, you've got it thank you! I should have explained better, ppl read in a hurry!

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 11/06/2024 17:43

FHS, people - read the OP.

He is stopping outdoors when walking.

When he stops, he sometimes looks at the flowers in a specific garden, the only one with flowers.

He is not indoors staring out or across to another flat.

He can't see into the home outside of which he stops when out of breath. There is dark glass in the windows that he can't see through.

I think the woman who is complaining needs to go outside and try to see through her own windows from outside. She will realise she has nothing to worry about.

ThingsPeopleDo · 11/06/2024 17:43

ThingsPeopleDo · 11/06/2024 17:09

A senior male DF lives in a row of maisonettes above shops. The end of the walkway overlooks the garden of some other flats. When short of breath, he sometimes pauses and looks at the plants in that garden for a couple of minutes (certainly no longer and there are no other gardens nearby to look at). A woman resident there complained to DF's female friend that he stares into her window, making her uncomfortable. A couple of male residents allegedly support her.

Those windows have an extremely dark heat-reflective glass which you just can't see into from outside. You couldn't see if anybody was inside. DF doesn't know the complainant or which flat she's in. He just saw dark glass and didn't think about being seen from inside and ppl thinking he was peeping. He has no intention of looking into windows. His very highly valued female friend of several years (not GF) takes the woman's side (been friends with her for 1-2 months). She says he shouldn't even use those steps down to ground (there are others).

Has DF done wrong, and are either/both women being unreasonable? He doesn't like upsetting ppl.

YABU - He shouldn't look into the garden at all.
YANBU - He may be naive but hasn't done anything pervy or wrong. His friend should support him.

To clarify - DF stopped outside a few times, over a couple of months perhaps, to catch his breath. He looked over at the plants in a garden. The only windows involved belong to the complaining woman and neighbouring flats. They look almost black and opaque from outside. It's completely obvious that nobody can see in through them, and nobody would try. That's why it never occurred to DF that anybody would think he was trying to see in.

It amazes us that ppl living behind that glass can even think that anybody would try to see in. It's absolutely impossible.

He doesn't do it now. This is really about his friendship and his reputation. It's hard to understand why the complainant and DF's friend can't understand that nobody can see in.

OP posts:
KreedKafer · 11/06/2024 17:43

Allofaflutter · 11/06/2024 17:27

I’m all for women being comfortable but if he can’t see her and she can’t see if he is there why is she complaining that he might be there but still can’t see her?

He can't see her. She can see him.

Why are people finding it hard to grasp this?!

Halfheadhighlights · 11/06/2024 17:41

No he hasn’t done anything wrong. He’s steadying himself obviously before moving along.

the woman is complaining about nothing if this window is opaque from the outside.

KreedKafer · 11/06/2024 17:40

Does the woman in the flat not understand how one-way glass works?

She can see everything he's doing on the outside. He can see nothing she's doing on the inside. If anything, she's the one spying on him! Nobody in the garden will even know whether she's in her flat or not, let alone be gawping at her.

Allofaflutter · 11/06/2024 17:35

I could understand complaining if she could see him and if he was staring at her in her garden but this is ridiculous. She has no idea if he has looked or not and can’t see her anyway.

gloriawasright · 11/06/2024 17:34

**hasnt/wont

Allofaflutter · 11/06/2024 17:33

People can look out of windows freely if they can’t see into others houses surely. Unless she’s in her garden and he’s staring at her. People live next to train lines and have multiple trains each day. They put up curtains, nets or film. Like she has. To stop people seeing in.

gloriawasright · 11/06/2024 17:33

I am seriously wondering if people actually read the whole post sometimes.
Good luck op repeatedly explaining this.
No he sees nothing,he doesn't need to stop what he's doing.
Maybe the complainers should come to where he is standing to be reassured that he has/wont see inside the flats.

neilyoungismyhero · 11/06/2024 17:27

It sounds like his lady friend knows the complainant or have I misread - if as you say, she is supporting her? Hasn't your dad explained the situation to his chum who could pass it on to worried neighbour?