Please help me compose a reply to my (difficult) ex-husband

Despite genuinely believing that you did the right thing by trying to inform him of the situation, I would be taking his reply as his own permission to NOT contact him ever again. He has “opted out”. You have this in writing. I would take the message to school and show them (especially the school counsellor) what he is like and ask if his behaviour may be contributing to your DD’s behaviour atm. Let them know that you are 100% on board with getting DD back to school attendance, and if that means that DD chooses not to go to Dad’s you’re okay with it.

When you communicate with him OP think of it as communicating with the judge, or your children when they are older. In other words try to keep your mind on how it will make you look. The more you can remain factual, unemotional, calm & polite -the more you can do that- the better you will look. AND the worse he looks by comparison, making it hard for him to claim to be the victim
Dont attack him, dont get into a back & forth, no mudslinging, no pig wrestling. Dont go there.
I know it's hard when you're bursting to read (shout) him the riot act but that only makes it all worse. Your best hope for a shift in his behaviour is if you can manage to not engage. I'm not saying he'll turn into a decent bloke, but the bear is less troublesome if you dont poke it.
(As per a pp's suggestion, imagine it as cutting off the blood supply to a skin tag if that helps)

I think I’d reply. I couldn’t not. ‘It seems your lawyer didn’t explain it very well. You pay maintenance because you’re their parent, it doesn’t abdicate you from being a parent. But should I take this as a notice that you don’t want any parental involvement from here on? (Maintenance will still be required because they are your children though)’

Wow. He is a twat, though. Well handled yourself.

Kudos for not responding, OP. I think you should see this as a spur to have as little contact and engagement with him (as is practical) in the future.

He comes across as a narcissist (based on the text you posted) and not getting a rise out of you is the main thing that will infuriate him.

“I am doing everything I can to ensure X attends school. I presumed you would do the same. Noted that you do not wish to be involved in parenting of the children of contacted re the children when they aren’t with you. I will let the school know about both points. No response required. Thegeniussquare.”

As Children get older things change.
Your support will be required outside of your standard maintenance hours for teenagers and adults.
I am asking you as I have a situation which may require us to work together. Please understand that requests like this are for the benefit of our children and not me/you.

If a man with a mid-teen youngest child hasn’t grasped the obvious fact that contributing to the financial upkeep of your children doesn’t buy you out of all other parenting responsibilities, he doesn’t seem intelligent enough to parent competently and I wouldn’t be asking him to be involved.

Having read the thread, I'm with the camp that a brief, businesslike acknowledgment is best, if only so that you are covered when this moron decides to swing the other day and demand chapter and verse on dentist appointments or whatever. My reading of him is that it's not even about you wasting his important time, but about torturing you and lording it over you. Take some comfort from the fact that you must have really got one up on him in the past for him to now be so desperate to grab every chance to be a cunt to you. I expect it's because you caught his sorry cheating arse and got a decent settlement. So revel in the thought!

A thumbs-up on the message and a "Noted" should it. Absolutely no "thanks"!. And grey rock going forwards. If you communicate via WhatsApp, I'd suggest switching off his ability to see when you've read a message, for starters.

Well obviously the right thing to do is either respond with noted or nothing at all. However I would be tempted to send

'Yes he really is an insufferable wankstain with an overinflated sense of importance about himself. It's almost hilarious how he thinks he pays not to be a parent 99% of the time. But yeah, I think you're right the kids always do work out who was there for them in the end. I think I'll just ignore his response. You can't make someone into a decent person, god knows I've hoped and tried.'

Then follow it up with a text saying 'please ignore the last message, it wasn't meant for you.'

But obviously that's not the sensible solution. It would feel good for about 5 mins though!

Easy - one word reply.

'Cunt'.

Just take it at face value:

Maintenance pays for the girls' living costs only. As you well know, your obligations of love and emotional support to our girls remain and are independent of our relationship.

How about 'In the time it took to type up that shirty response to a perfectly reasonable request, you could have contacted your daughter to see how she's doing. Nice to know what your priorities are, you pathetic, puffed up, pompous CUNT'

I'm kidding, obviously. Well done for not responding at all. You're right, you can't win with an arsehole of that calibre, so don't waste energy even trying. If it helps, make an effigy of the bastard and set fire to it.

Sadly you won’t change his mind. Best bit of advice I got was ‘you have to understand that the other person doesn’t care’

There is a massive lack of responsibility. I also have this issue with my ex.
I would point out that child maintence provides the children with food, clothes etc.
I would say I am asking you to show care for x but if you are unable to do that I understand. My concern for x is school refusal but if your maintence doesn’t cover parenting I understand that as do your children.

I know this post has now been up for 11 hours, and I've not read the thread and expect I'll be the twelvety zillionth person to be frothing at the mouth and wanting to show solidarity, OP, but I just simply have to, as I am so furious on your behalf. What an absolute fucking cunt. I really hope you've had the right advice to put that wanker in his place.

I'll carry on reading now but had to get this of my system.

Two quite liked
‘Wow what a cunt’

Id send that

Or a link to this thread!

"I see. Noted, thanks" is the best one.

In an alternate universe I’d reply with ‘Ha look what Mr Small’s replied with this time, it’s his best yet 🤣’ and let him wonder who they normally get forwarded to.

“Sorry for bothering you with our daughters mental health problems. Your concern is noted”

but your silence is probably the right way to have gone.

I think I would reply. Being a parent isn’t a financial transaction which he thinks it is. He has a responsibility which he is completely avoiding. It’s disgusting.
Then id never ask anything of him ever again.
Anus of a man.

I'd either send him a message saying "ok got it loud and clear" or say nothing.

Basically, OP, you can't rely on him for anything. His desire to punish you way overrides any concern he might have for his children. His priority is putting the boot into you - not worrying about his child.

I would simply not communicate with him about anything again. nothing. Try to deal with your dd as best you can (we also had a school refuser at the same age - somehow we got through it. I feel for you doing it on your own).

He sounds like a pompous ass though. I bet they think he is a knob at work too.

I would use his own words back to him : -

'Please take responsibility. I am sure you can speak to dd during the day. She is experiencing issues and needs support from both of her parents. Better get on with my work now. Thank you.'

I love this you need to be able to think of on the spot tho

'is that a no then? Message too long to read'

Or something like that?

He sounds controlling.