Please help me compose a reply to my (difficult) ex-husband

He'd be furious if, further down the line, he discovered that that I kept the school avoidance from him.

Keep his text message. He just said he’s paying you to do the jobs of not bothering him with these things, that they are your responsibility. Therefore, he has no right to be furious if you don’t tell him.

Ignoring him, not corresponding with him will not only wind him up, but will also free up your headspace too.

For a start she’s ‘their’ DD, she has two parents. Your attitude reinforces the narrative so often seen on here that DC are mainly the responsibility of mothers.

@thegeniussquare yes, I totally agree it wouldn’t be worth it. He is a horrible piece of work, your children will see through him one day if they don’t already.

Honestly I could swear this man is my ex! This is exactly what he would have said as well. The one thing I did learn to do was never respond straight away as it would be too emotive on my part and would give him a lot of ammunition to attack me verbally. Often I would draft a reply and edit it many times to make sure there was nothing he could come back at me with, but he often still did! I’ve spent over twenty years wondering what kind of personality or character disorder someone has to be like this. Whatever your ex has, mine does too.

I’m enraged for you. He’s an almighty cunt. Arrogant entitled piece of shit. I’d raise holy hell with him he can’t opt out if parenting just because he pays maintenance. Tell him
he doesn’t deserve the title father.

This is true the kids will eventually see it. I was very protective of my kids growing up and never slagged their dad off in front of them. Now they’re adult they can see for themselves exactly what he is like (they’re not sure but it’s probably between sociopath and narcissist or both). They retain a relationship with him but now it’s on their terms. This means they use him for money (the only currency this man has) and professional networking and I don’t mind one bit. They play him, they use him, they secretly don’t respect him and he deserves it.

“It’s nice to know you care so much about us daddy”

Even though I think replying to this thundercunt is pointless, I really like @Dayfurrrrit’s response above. I genuinely do believe that your daughter’s mental health would improve if you show her this as it will show him for who he is and that his disinterest is not her fault.

Reply ‘wow that would make one hell of a father if the bride speech when she’s older’

Actually @Littlemissnikib might have a point. Sending a laughing emoji would be a definite option.

I have learnt over the years not to reply. It achieves nothing. I also never ask him for anything after he refused to pay towards my son’s residential trip as “that was part of what maintenance was for”.

I obviously screen shot everything and slag him off with my friends but I think it annoys him more that I don’t reply. He’s now seen his kids twice in the last six years.

Your ex is a complete knob. I like the idea of sending a laughing emoji but then never ask him for anything

Stop sending him anything he could construe as you asking something of him.

Send it with the title FYI. When he complains about you having expectations of him, correct him and say that you have no expectations, the message was for information only and what he does with that information is entirely a matter for him.

You are nice and I suspect your messages are nice. You are being waaaay too nice to this bottomfeeder OP. Robotic FYI messages from now on.

Op, this is the best response. Anything you say he will turn into a negative. He resents and dislikes you.

Sorry about your ex
as an aside please google inattentive adhd and see if this applies to your youngest. It’s very common to be missed by schools in girls.

God he's a cunt, isn't he.

It's not spelled "your arrangements" dude, it's spelled "parenting." It's not part time.

He doesn't deserve the privilege of children.

Oh wow. Breathtakingly rude. I’ve had to deal with twattish men like this before in a business/ professional setting and it was an absolute nightmare. I would ignore him OP. When they go low, you go high.

hes deliberately worded the text for maximum effect to be as goady as he can possibly be, with the view to it pushing the OPs red button.

hes clearly highly resentful of having to shell out all that maintenance money for his offspring and is taking it out on the OP.

completely ignore and ghost is the only effective way, to diffuse and neutralise his attempt at stirring the pot, otherwise it will descend into a back and forth damaging ping pong of abuse.

Don't reply. Only a few years and you're rid of him forever anyway!

Thank god as your youngest is fifteen you won't have many more years of dealing with this knob. What a dick

Wow what a dick. Good on you for not being married to him and keeping your cool.

Ignore, but if you have to respond say something like :

Maintenance is like bed and board, it doesn't absolve you from being an involved parent.. But you have it your way. I'll show the school your insulting comment if they ask are there any issues they should be aware of.

Or laugh at him :

Dad of the year strikes again with his complete lack of interest in his own kids😆

Big career 😆 make sure they put that on your gravestone,

Oh dear, feathers ruffled this morning 🤣 Poor you

How does that work when they are 18 ? No money no care?

He sounds so awful OP.

Tell him it's called parenting. You can't pick and choose when to parent neither should he.