Please help me compose a reply to my (difficult) ex-husband

I wondered what ChatGPT might say so put the original text of your question in the query box to see... Here is what it came up with. Brief, to the point and non emotional (AI Style)

Subject: Re: Checking in on [Youngest Daughter's Name]
[Ex-Husband's Name],
I understand your perspective on the financial contributions you make. However, our daughter's current situation is about her well-being and education, which is a shared responsibility. Your support in this matter is necessary and expected.
As you know, our youngest is showing signs of becoming a school refuser. I’m asking for your assistance in checking in with her today, as she needs to hear from both parents during this challenging time. This is not about maintenance or financial support; it is about being present for our daughter.
I will be calling her as well, but your involvement is equally important. Thank you for understanding the gravity of the situation and for taking the time to support her.
Best regards,
[Your Name]
This reply addresses his response, reinforces the shared responsibility, and remains focused on the child's well-being.

Mine also emailed my solicitor. To tell her she was a useless solicitor. Wanker
That'll make him look good in court wont it😂

This

Mine also emailed my solicitor. To tell her she was a useless solicitor. Wanker.

What's his fixation with the bloody dentist

Yes I genuinely believe that people who falsely class themselves as superior to others do so because of deep insecurities they feel themselves. I grew up in a household that created very superior grandiose men. It came from the fact that they could not remotely connect with their father and to deal with that they bullied women. I watched the development of the behaviour and the ongoing attitude as adults. If you can deal with yourself with gentleness and kindness when they behave as they do it is honestly the easiest way forward.

You would take a dim view of being kept in the loop about your daughter's wellbeing and mental health? And being told what would be helpful to her?
So you'd rather not be told?

Take the emotion out of everything you wrote to him.

God he really is an ocean going, gold plated, copper bottomed, steel reinforced bellend, isn't he?

Seagulls forever.

He thinks he is superior to you in every way. That is a defence mechanism for him actually he is likely underneath that bravado very insecure.

Do you think so? I genuinely have no idea why someone would behave like this. I can't imagine you can go through life with this attitude and be a happy person.

In addition to my PP, I had to endure exH trying to act like 'superdad'-this stretched to doubling up on arranging things like dentist appointments and optician appointments. Then he'd try and organise birthday party #2 (inviting all the same kids🤣), if I got a kitten, he'd get 2, and when I got a dog, he also got one, then I got another pup, then so did he. It went on, and on and on. I had to endure graduation days with him. I was just happy and pleasant. This threw him. He wanted us to celebrate as a family afterwards. At this point I finally explained to the kids why I couldn't. And they understood by then. Apparently he's now concerned about their (non forthcoming) weddings, as he knows then he'll be alone, as everyone who used to be his friends, peeled away at his behaviour and his immediate family are now dead, so no support. Loads of family and friends on my side. Karma 🙏

I endured years of behaviour just like this from my exH. My solicitor (partner in the firm at the time) said he had never encountered anyone so difficult in the whole of his career. I ALWAYS tried to reason with him, (ExH). He actually enjoyed the 'fight'. Another high earner and extremely intelligent academically, but not emotionally.
Everything was a fight, a barrage of emails, threats, him trying to control all and sundry. He even tried contacting my solicitor and accused him of not understanding and following the relevant Children's Acts. My solicitor had to request he didn't contact either me or him again.
'Co parenting' with this level of abuse is utterly soul destroying.

What I wished I'd done, was completely stonewall him from the word go. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Good luck. I completely empathise.

Send him one of these per day.

Why was the seagull said in Valentine's Day?
He didn't have a gull friend

What do seagulls drink out of?
A beaker

Which side of a seagull has the most feathers?
The outside

Then you could start on the car jokes

The pattern of behaviour is:

He feels minor inconvenience or irritation from someone he holds in contempt

His response to those emotions

He lashes out abusively

Historically your involvement in the pattern

You thought he might learn to behave like a normal caring person/father (a reality distortion - he is nothing like that and never will be).

He thinks he is superior to you in every way. That is a defence mechanism for him actually he is likely underneath that bravado very insecure. He behaves with a complete lack of care and concern towards his own children. You need to nothing him in response. He isn’t anything of support for your children from your direct experience. He is a complete bellend.

Your kids are now old enough to do their own communication - leave them to have whatever relationship they can have with him.

Why does he only assume, he should know.

Smacks of everything being below him, doesn’t want to get his fingers dirty with parenting responsibilities. Prioritising his own ego over his responsibility as a father and co-parent.

I’m in a similar situation but living with him.

Actually, scratch that, don't delete it.

Keep them. Write one every time he pisses you off. Keep them all! Document the date, time, and reason for you writing them.

It will give you something to look back over in years to come so you can truly say "thank fuck I got away from that idiot".

I'm wondering if there's a market for a book of a collection of "all the things I'd say to my ex-husband if I could"??

I'd have been tempted to reply
"Okay Knobhead - you do know that you pay maintenance as a contribution to SOME of the costs of raising these children. Not as a wage to ME to raise them.
I thought you wanted to be an active parent in their lives. I will note that you are no longer interested in their welfare the second they leave your company."

But ignoring the seagull-bait-bastard is the best option

Or even better, the middle finger emoji, which you edit to change to a thumbs up emoji just after he's read it!

My advice OP is to type the reply that you'd really love to send. Type it here, or type it in a note on your phone, call him all the names you'd really want to say. Then walk away, come back tomorrow and delete it.

It really will make you feel better just having got it down. You don't have to send it to him to make yourself feel better.

What a twat though. It must be so tempting to write a reply including "oh, so sorry, I didn't realise that you paying maintenance meant that you were only considered a parent for 26 days a year - must have missed that in the definitions."

Loving all the seagull jokes

Hope this thread is cheering you up OP

🕊🦅🐦‍⬛🐦

In the time it took to type up that shirty response to a perfectly reasonable request, you could have contacted your daughter to see how she's doing.

God, that's true. So depressing.

OP, I'd advise you to do the following:

• Open up a word processor
• Write down everything you want to say to him in the way you want to say it
• Never send it

I also echo what other posters have said. Stop trying to involve him. Keep the the communication to the absolute bare minimum. He is not a being a father. Your children are getting old enough to see his behavior. Don't cover for him anymore and don't give him any importunity to do right by his children. He pays, that's all you can expect from this waste of a man.

Dear Salty Seagull.
I have noted your above correspondence.
Out of interest, what is the going rate for providing empathy and support to ones child?
Asking for a friend.
Regards,
Leader of Seagulls.

But silence will probably help your mental wellbeing and free your time to best support your DD. 🌻