Father in law does jobs around our house when they babysit. I hate it

@redboxer321 you may have something there.

It's hard to tell!

It was mutually beneficial, they love spending time with our kids, they actually offered that particular afternoon”

Maybe he doesn’t, quite so much. Hence the shower head.

Doing someone a favour does not mean you can do other "favours" they didn't ask for or whatever the fuck else you want to do.

I kind of get it. My mum cooks for us sometimes but it sort of feels like she’s doing it because she thinks I’m not going to cook my kids meals that are as good as hers. I’m a solo mum and I work full time so I think that’s where my insecurity comes from - I can and do look after them really well. That isn’t what it is though. Like others have said, it’s her way of showing she cares because she can’t say it. I get being annoyed by it though!

Pondering about that. How do I feel about someone turning up bearing biscuits or a bottle of wine? They’re being judgemental, suggesting I don’t have adequate supplies. I haven't asked them to bring something. I may not want the biscuits or wine - not my taste,or too much in stock.They should have asked first. No respect for boundaries.

Or it could be a kind gesture. Maybe the kindness deserves gratitude even if the the wine or biscuits or job done doesn’t.

My lovely FIL was the same. Always looking for something to fix. In the end we used to save a few jobs that we needed doing (leaky tap etc) for when he came round. There's no malice in it, just a way of showing they care.

spanieleyes · Today 16:09
Think yourself lucky, my father looked after my dog in my home whilst I went on holiday for a week. When I got back, he had EMPLOYED someone to renovate the downstairs toilet, including replacing the sanitary ware, tiling, painting and replacing the flooring. Apparently he had booked them months ago when I first asked him to dog sit”

Win win, I’d say. Free dogsitting for a week and a new loo. Bloody hell! Be honest, did it need doing?

@MrsSkylerWhite our laundry basket for dirty laundry is in our bedroom. It never smells. But I wouldn’t be expecting anyone to be nosing around in our bedroom whilst we weren’t there. Likewise I would never go into anyone else’s bedroom unless asked

redboxer321 · Today 13:24
**
I get it @rewarrrrd
You've asked him/he's offered to do something - spend time with his grandkids - but he's knows better than you and has done something else”

Otherwise known as providing free childcare.

Ask him not to do anything, but I would do it politley as he is probably just trying his best to help out.
As for spending time with the children, he may well still have plenty of time to spend with them or could be involving them and/or may need something to break up the day. I love spending time with children but I couldn't just spend a full day with them doing nothing else. Unless we are out for the day I need to go off a couple of times and do some cleaning or rearranging.

@Maddy70 and that was the help OP wanted and I assumed asked for. It’s quite simple.

whatwhatwhot · Today 15:18
My MIL was dog sitting for a few days and did my laundry. I am still mad - she put a bright yellow jumper in with darks and every time I look at it, I feel sad. because i got it in the sale and loved it. And now it is a dull yellow. Why couldn't she stay the fuck out of my laundry basket?”

Perhaps your laundry basket stank? I wouldn’t go away and leave dirty laundry with a house-sitter there 🤷‍♀️

Ofgs men really are useless”

What’s useless about descaling a shower head? Grotty job. Wish someone would do ours.

They are also doing her a favour by babysitting

Who would be an in law?

I may have missed it but clearly fil is op husbands dad. I guess if dh doesn't mind there's no problem after all it's his house as well. He is allowing his dad to do stuff and if he didn't want it he would tell him.

Op I agree- leave a list, smiley face at the end and so they don’t call you a cf😉😅

My MIL, who I love and usually get on well with, furnishes our house with crap whenever I go to work. Most inconveniently with an old, dirty, shaggy, bright red rug, which we paid for the council to come and collect. Most pointlessly, with a plastic paperweight, that she proudly told me only cost her 10p. Most recently with a decorative teatowel of a holiday destination, which had for some reason been stuck to our bathroom wall. My OH tells me she was complaining today as I took it down!! Apparently, she "thought it looked nice" 😂😟. There has also been a metal garden chair left in the livingroom today. I do find it irksome, but try to see past it as it comes from a kind place. Some of the MILs I read about here on MN are much worse!

This is the same as a mother/ in law cleaning etc. He's meddling.

The suggestion to give him a list of jobs to do is original and inspired. See how he enjoys those.

If he keeps free ranging, get his son to talk to him: his dad, his problem.

I'm wondering for the first time whether I was seen as a judgemental cow when I stayed at a friend's house while she was away and noticed the dishwasher wasn't doing a very good job - took the bits out of the middle and cleaned out some disgusting gunk. To me, it was just something that friend hadn't realised needed doing, and I was doing her a favour. (I didn't tell her but her DD came in while I was cleaning it so may have told her.)

I find most of the responses to this thread baffling. Why should the op be grateful for someone doing things, without permission, in her home, that she didn't want them to do? That doesn't make her ungrateful. Her father-in-law has no respect for boundaries. If he asked if he could help with certain things, that would be completely different. It's not his bloody house.

It's just what dad's of a certain age often do. They can't help themselves - my dad would come over and prune the apple trees, pot up some plants, fix a tap. He'd notice something else to do and next time he'd being the tools for that job. It's love not judgement. My dad's not with us anymore so please send your FIL over!

What a #cumbag. Go no contact as quickly as possible. You deserve so much better than this.