Father in law does jobs around our house when they babysit. I hate it

We usually go for 3 or 4 days, Sat - Tues , when their parents have to go away for work,so he does the odd jobs when they’re at school.
Yes, he loves being with them and they love being with us as well.

@HorsesAreRunningOn3LegsTonight does he ask what needs doing or does he go round the house looking for things to do? Does he not like interacting with the grandkids?

When DH and I go to “ babysit “ our grandkids ( 15, 13, 9 ) my DH often does little jobs that their very busy parents haven’t a lot of time to do.
Think - rewasher taps, get wardrobe door running better etc
Our son and DIL are delighted ! LOL

Gently, he probably doesn’t realise all that.

He’s trying to be useful; people like to be useful.

Me too, I'd be happy for help descaling the shower head etc.
I keep asking my dad round to babysit and do handyman jobs for me. I offer to do his grocery shopping and treat him to lunch. But that's as I've asked him to do the jobs.
It's nice when someone helps out around the house, but I wouldn't want anyone moving my things around without asking, but just fixing things I think is really helpful 😊👍💕
xx

Did the FIL have a sachet of descaler with him?

If you feel the jobs are pointless- why don’t you give him a list of things that you would want done so he feels useful. I echo the post about feeling useful

Definitely a caring way to show love. Took me years to get it. My dad never spoke lovingly to me, I always wanted one of those close dads, but then on his last visit to me ( he was to die unexpectedly of heart attack a few weeks later) whilst I was out with my mum and the kids he stripped down my gas cooker and cleaned all the bits. It still makes me cry. And my mum said, almost resentfully, he’s never cleaned my gas stove like that.
its generational largely like women who would rather cook food for their loved ones instead of saying I love you. Seriously it’s not judgmental he’s wanting to give you something in return for what you give him. It’s very British and the best he can do.

I think it's a generational think. My darling dad used to always find wee jobs to do when he visited. It was his he showed his love. I wish he was still here to do it.

Play along with it. Give him a list and politely say "you did such a good job on the $%^&* would you be able to help with these?"

It’s his love language.

Guiys in general don't tend to be "judgemental" about the state of a house the way some women are. I would bet that he is just really wanting to help out of love.

But if you don't like it, please send him my way! I don't have children to babysit, but have an old dog who would love more company and plenty of small jobs for him in the house.

You buy a sachet of descaler, mix with hot water, unscrew shower head and plunge it in to soak. This breaks down limescale build up which plugs the little holes the water shoots out of. Limescale won’t kill you though so not the end of the world if you don’t ( though of course you do).

How, and why, do you descale a shower head……?
(Obviously I know the answers, and just want to see if anyone else does… :@)

My in-laws do this - they are a much handier generation than ours - they do things like tighten toilet roll holders, fix a loose patio stone, fix parasols etc.. it's definitely out of love. Enjoy having a few less jobs to do!

He’s just trying to be useful. His way of showing love. Helping where he knows how. A generation thing. Embrace it. You’re lucky 🙂

I agree that he's very likely doing it out of love rather than judgement. I would have
Loved a FIL like that. Mine wanted waiting on hand and foot!

It’s definitely love BUT I would fetl like you anyway.

My FIL tends to replace things, so for example if our toaster had a slightly wobbly push down lever, he’d turn up next time with a really crappy “ nice, new” one. 🙄

It does feel judgmental ( makes me hyper that he’s noticing every little defect we have not quite got round to sorting) and also means we are stuck with a shittier one than I would have gone for. It got to the point that I hid all his “ upgrades” in a cupboard and would put them out each time ahead of his arrival … till I just couldn’t manage it anymore.

Cos all your odd jobs are already sorted aren’t they Zom ! 😉

So were your other kids with them while they were in the hardware shop?

This would feel to me as if they were causing more issues than they were there to help with. Main business of day: to care for other children at the point their Mum went into labour. Significant Other may have been needed to focus on helping Mum because of labour starting.

Actual energy expended: on faffing with the letterbox and taking themselves out of the radius of being helpful in the way that they were sincerely needed to BE helpful, for a completely minor issue. Problem of how to manage labour then transferred to Mum, kids etc.

@Tracker1234 I descale my own shower and tighten things up as needed. I’d definitely see it as overstepping because I do those things for myself But if @rewarrrrd doesn’t do those things I agree he is probably trying to be nice. Why not ask him why, nicely (because you’re curious). He probably equates it to someone helping by doing the washing up. Is he round on his own or is MIL with him?

Sounds v annoying and not asked for

My FIL does this and I adore him for it. When I was due with my youngest the in laws came to stay to watch the other kids when I went in to labour. When the contractions finally started him and MIL were 45 minutes away buying parts to fix my letter box 🙈
My dad, who I was very close to, was the same. As was my maternal grandfather. I loved them for it too. I can totally understand why it might feel intrusive or judgemental if you’re not used to being shown love in this way though.

I didn't say he is a narcissist. I said it was a narcissistic trait.
But well done on your staggeringly helpful sarcastic response.

@Judecb so you have to put up with something a man does even if it makes you uncomfortable