Father in law does jobs around our house when they babysit. I hate it

I think you've had some really harsh answers.

It's possible to feel glad that a job has been done for you and also to feel unhappy/uncomfortable that your FIL has meddled and done things you didn't ask him to do - especially if your PIL have a history of overstepping!

I'd make a list in future. But emphasise that you don't want him to do anything else.

I wouldn't like them mooching round my house looking for things to 'fix' either.

I do think it is interesting that many people think it is fine for men to do this without asking first,,doesn’t matter if a woman feels uncomfortable with it. We should just let them do it as that is what men do.

I have no problem with someone doing DIY to help but they should ask first.

My PILs used to do this, it drove me mad.

In their case it was seriously judgmental, after one visit MIL “helpfully” pointed out that if I did xx my house would be “so much cleaner”. My “joking” response to her was that if her son, my DH did those things it would be.

FIL once sanded & revarnished a coffee table because it looked a bit tatty but that was part of its charm & it had sentimental value to me.

I put up with it for several years but when she “helpfully” massacred my garden while doing a bit of weeding it was the last straw and they haven’t been in my house for many years now.

It doesn’t really matter what their motivation is if you don’t want them to do it IMO.

His love language is likely acts of service
my partner and my sisters partner do this every time we visit my parents
it's not judgement it's their way of showing thanks for the meal or care they give by embracing them as family and because they can do they do

He probably likes to feel useful. Hands in childcare doesn't come easy to some older me . He's showing he cares maybe in the only way he knows how. Leave him a list. 😉

Well it's clearly not the usual MN response as most people have backed the FiL.

I had double do’s both MIL and FIL used to do stuff when they used to come to look after kids from school

done with the best intentions and from the point of view they were helping

MIL used to iron tee shirts then fold them to the size of a stamp creases and lines all over them

FIL used to cut grass we have a very long lawn looked as though someone was pissed when they were cutting it I’m not ocd about stripes but he’d zig zag all over and miss bits

the only thing I struggled with was MIL cleaning the George Forman with a knife and Brillo pad

just smiled and said thanks but they were genuinely pleased with themselves that they thought they had helped which is nice

the certainty went judging there there type of people who potter doing jobs all the time

I’m honestly baffled as to why you would be so annoyed I would be grateful! I’m sure he’s not doing it out of judgment but probably just his way of helping out. My MIL has my 2 year old while I work one day a week and she always does little bits for me while he naps which I’m so grateful for. Yesterday it was the shutter blinds she cleaned and the kitchen sink. I cba with that so I appreciate it!

Why would it be so difficult for FIL to say "whilst we're here, are there any little jobs you'd like doing?"
That would be showing both his love and consideration. But he doesn't do that. He does what he thinks is best. He may consider its out of love, but love without consideration of the other's feelings is flawed.

Same with my dad, his way of showing he cares and wants to help, its probably a generational thing too in terms of the woman looking after the kids. I have now turned it to my advantage and ask him to do a couple of handyman things that I need doing, that way he gets his feeling of helping and I get some DIY jobs ticked off.

Glad to see this response, I was getting concerned that I hadn’t seen the usual MN response. He is a man and a FIL so obviously he is doing it because he has narcissistic tendencies, and won’t be doing it to help or show love, as men are lazy and only think of themselves! 🤣🤣

OP said that’s why she was struggling to address the situation - it doesn’t mean that she wrong to feel like FIL is overstepping (which he is). As “nice” or “loving” as the task doing might be (for all we know, he is being judgemental!), the fact remains that he is doing these things without asking - which is rude!

Someone came in, looked after your kids and descaled the shower head and you’re moaning? That’s really quite a dream combo tbh.

I don’t have a FIL as my husband never knew his dad, but if I did, this is the kind of childcare I could get on board with.

My own dad’s love language is fixing my car, making sure it’s serviced and MOTd etc. I’m not complaining, it’s nice to have a personal mechanic 🤣

Why does that invalidate OP's feelings?
This thread shows OP is not alone in disliking this type of behaviour.

Why does FIL's comfort matter more than OP's?

clearly you have issues that you need to resolve and it has nothing to do with you FIL

I wouldn’t take it so negatively my dad adores his grandchildren but he’d much rather be doing something practical to help which is what it sounds like your fil is doing. You might see them as pointless jobs but it’s a job you don’t have to do anymore.

My dad likes to do something to help where he can but doesn’t generally mess with anything unless I’m there or have asked him, my in laws however treat my house like they are staying in a centre parcs lodge working their way round it, putting the dishwasher on, emptying it, cooking lunch when I was coming back to do it etc. it makes me feel really uncomfortable as I hate the thought of them going through my house even if it’s just the kitchen. I feel I’m probably over territorial but if you are a visitor behave like one. I’m scared to touch anything in someone else’s house. YANBU

That doesn't make it a "her" problem. But probably explains why it causes the OP more distress than for others.
It's really pissing me off how many people have simply told OP to ignore her feelings and suck it up just because they believe they believe FIL is showing his love. The reality is he's made assumptions. In this case thats about what is OK to do around her house and whilst it may not be out of judgement, he hasn't considered her feelings. Loving relationships are a 2 way street and should be open to understanding the other's perspective. OP has shown willing to do that by asking on here. It's perfectly reasonable to guide FILs understanding of OP'S feelings. Her feelings matter as much as his, as long as it's approached with appreciation not judgement.

Of course not but you if him doing the jobs is making her feel ill then she doesn’t have to let him and ignore her feelings. He can be similarly empathetic to her situation.

So you freely admit it's a "you" problem - not a FIL problem?

Forgot to say , my son will jokingly drop hints about odd jobs - we have a great relationship with son and DIL x