Father in law does jobs around our house when they babysit. I hate it

Doing jobs is one of the love languages. Please find a way to appreciate (and guide) this clumsy manifestation of affection.

And Hes a grown man who can make decisions for himself. The onus is on him to say no if he didn't want to babysit, even though op says they offered. Doesn't give him reason to go surveying the house.

He probably didn’t, it’s entirely possible he got taken along for the ride. 🙄

Then perhaps don't offer to babysit? 🙄

He was probably using the loo and could see it needed doing. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to spend time with little children. I really hate it and would rather do just about anything else.

Wow descaling the shower head, is intrusive, I mean what was he doing to notice that needed doing?

Lots of posters are saying its mens way of showing they care, in my family its their way of showing they don't have a clue about children and don't want to mix with them. Either way its not ok if you aren't ok with it. He should ask permission before doing jobs you haven't said need doing.

Be grateful! In fact, leave him a list!

I think it's out of love.

Options are:

1. give him jobs you don't like/can't do - would you be able to help me with X please, oh crikey we never get round to sorting y, I hate cleaning the oven. That sort of thing. My DDad has an obsession with shiny pans, like when you've just bought them all. My frying pan is clean but often stains and he will spend a long time making them shiny.

2. Find something that he can do which engages with his grandkids depending on how old they are. Hey grandad, they'd love to build a bird box, make this Lego set, play with Meccano, understand how to use tools.

From my experience with my dad, he really struggled when my kids were young. He was never at home when I was that age (self employed, worked v long hours), struggled to connect. As soon as they were 5/6, the world changed. They built things, cooked, did craft sets, went for walks etc.

Woah. My Mum and Dad are both like this and I just see it as them trying to help me out? They're our village and that means helping with the kids and pitching in where they can. Some people just like to be busy as well. Honestly I can't imagine being annoyed by someone helping me! Good you've started to reflect though...

My PIL used to do this and I hated it.
MIL would tidy and and arrange things the way she thought they should go or do 'helpful' things like throwing food out of the fridge that she thought was out of date but it was defrosting or throwing out my oven liners because she didn't know what they were.
FIL would find things he thought needed doing like, painting a little table I'd spent ages sanding with some hideous old wood stain from his garage or putting up some shelves we'd bought for our bedroom but in the dining room.
They do it because they need to feel useful and go and want tell all their friends how they've had to go and babysit for Tupperware and do loads of jobs.

He's showing you he cares, I think it's great as the kids get older they will get interested and then might learn some useful life skills. He's not judging you (if he is it's very mild and makes him feel good and useful) my dad wallpapered a room for me once the pattern was upside down!!! It made me smile everytime I saw it. He was very proud of himself. He also was fantastic with the kids as they got older. Chill

One of my three sons visits me and sees odd little jobs that need doing (I'm a widow aged 83) and I am so grateful for his thoughtfulness.

But a dad is so different from a FIL
But he is OP'sDH DF though.
He's not some random walking through the house tightening screws and tightening washers.
Dh may appreciate the help.

But a dad is so different from a FIL.

He sounds like my dad. It won’t be about judgement. Honestly he’s not thinking that deeply- he just wants to help.
My dad adores his grandkids but he isn’t the type to with them for ages playing or reading or having deep chats or stuff like that. He gets on with jobs and a lot of the time the kids trail around after if him trying to ‘help’ lol. It’s his love language.
If you don’t want him doing the jobs just tell him. But unless he doing them badly or making changes that aren’t to your taste, I’d leave him to it.

I think I've been a bit pot, kettle and black above. I'm guessing @Notamum12345577 is a dad or a man at least.
I do assume everyone on MN is female and of course they are not.

I do think there are some very naive posters on this thread. I had a similar-ish experience to the OP (not a FIL and person was female) and it tipped me over the edge and was the catalyst for me getting therapy. Nine months and hundreds of pounds worth of therapy. As I said before, if you don't understand, then count yourself lucky.
That's just my experience and I hope @rewarrrrd finds dealing with it easier than me.

I can only hope your username is accurate and you are not a mum. I think it best that someone with such limited understanding and intelligence doesn't have children.
Here's an emoticon for you as I'm not sure how well you understand words 💩

I'm not much fussed on hugs but I accept them in the spirit they are intended. Love is life after all and it's far more meaningful to me than a bit of temporary discomfort.

If someone finds them unbearable though then another solution will need to be found.

So if someone’s love language is giving hugs and you don’t like hugs should you just accept it as it is their thing.

What’s not to like?😁

PLEASE send him to my house. I don't have a FIL and my husband (although a time served joiner and current maintenance supervisor) is as much use as a chocolate fireguard when it comes to jobs in the house. I would give a kidney for someone to come and do all the odd jobs round my house.

I could find things for him to do as well. He's welcome to drop in with his toolbox.

I think a little tidying, emptying the dishwasher etc would be ok and helpful, but I’d really not be comfortable with bigger jobs / DIY.

I don’t think he’s coming from a judgemental place at all and is just trying to be helpful, but I really don’t think it’s ok for someone to make changes to your own home without first asking if it’s ok.

I do think it’s overstepping a boundary…I wouldn’t dream of going round to their home and start edging the lawn, or treating bathroom mould (for example).

Whenever I have babysat at my son and daughter in law's house I have pottered about. Never done anything major but caught up with washing up, folded washing the way I know they like it. Always out of love not judgement 😊

Love languages. Understanding what someone’s love language is will often stop the feeling that you just want to throttle them.