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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Father in law does jobs around our house when they babysit. I hate it

535 replies

rewarrrrd · 11/06/2024 11:38

I just find it intrusive.

They very kindly babysat the other day, we came back and he'd done a couple of (pointless) jobs in the house.

I find it slightly judgemental, like my standards aren't high enough for him so he just has to put it right.

Also annoying that he's wasting time that could be spent with his grandchildren meddling around my house!

My feelings could come from my childhood though, my grandparents moved country when I was 1, dad moved town when I was 4, and my favourite auntie moved country when I was 5. Been largely on my own ever since because I have lots of younger siblings who needed/received more attention.

OP posts:
Original poster
rewarrrrd · 11/06/2024 11:52

Hinkuy · 11/06/2024 11:49

YABU! How awful of you.

What jobs were they?

Hardly awful of me. I said thank you and didn't show I was annoyed.

I just haven't grown up in a house where I've ever had any help. It's alien to me.

Honestly, if he's doing it out of love as most people have suggested, that makes me feel loads better about it.

I hate to think he does it out of judgement. But everyone is suggesting that's not the case?

OP posts:
Catza · 11/06/2024 11:51

Some of my best memories of my grandfather is doing "pointless jobs" together. He taught me how to rewire a plug, put up wallpaper, paint the floors, take apart a motorcycle and I still have a hammer he gifted me when I left home 25 years ago.
Just because he is doing "jobs" doesn't mean he is not spending time with the kids.

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 11/06/2024 11:50

I’m quite capable of doing my own small jobs, but I’d bloody love anyone who willingly gave me a hand.

rainbowstardrops · 11/06/2024 11:49

What sort of jobs does he do? I think that makes the difference as to whether it would annoy me or not.

Hinkuy · 11/06/2024 11:49

YABU! How awful of you.

What jobs were they?

Inspireme2 · 11/06/2024 11:48

I agree with first poster.
Also your children while enjoy what grandad gets up to and will be one step behind him once they are old enough.

cheezncrackers · 11/06/2024 11:47

A lot of men are like this. They see a loose screw or a squeaky door handle and they have to 'fix it'. Unless it is truly intrusive (like going into drawers containing private things or going in your master en-suite, etc), I think I'd just leave him to it. My stepdad is always fixing things. It's just what he does. My FIL was the same.

Maryamlouise · 11/06/2024 11:45

My DP finds my DF doing jobs really annoying as well and I agree it isn't always necessary or we would rather do something our way though I know DF is trying to help and like to show his love in practical ways. Sometimes I now leave a task I don't really care about how it is done so that DF can feel helpful and we get something done that we are happy about. What kinds of jobs is it though? DIY I would hate, reloading the dishwasher his way I could ignore

OhHelloMiss · 11/06/2024 11:44

What were the 'pointless jobs'?

Upminster12 · 11/06/2024 11:42

YABU, for a man of his generation it's probably the way he naturally shows he cares for you all. Not all men (or women for that matter) are good at playing with young children so this is how he feels he can help them and you best. It's not a comment on the state of your house it's just his way of showing love. Also if you don't want him please send him my way!!