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AIBU?

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Original poster

Father in law does jobs around our house when they babysit. I hate it

535 replies

rewarrrrd · 11/06/2024 11:38

I just find it intrusive.

They very kindly babysat the other day, we came back and he'd done a couple of (pointless) jobs in the house.

I find it slightly judgemental, like my standards aren't high enough for him so he just has to put it right.

Also annoying that he's wasting time that could be spent with his grandchildren meddling around my house!

My feelings could come from my childhood though, my grandparents moved country when I was 1, dad moved town when I was 4, and my favourite auntie moved country when I was 5. Been largely on my own ever since because I have lots of younger siblings who needed/received more attention.

OP posts:
Original poster
rewarrrrd · 11/06/2024 12:08

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 11/06/2024 12:03

Why do you take it as judging you not judging his son?

Low self-esteem, low self-worth, low self-confidence, probable ASD, diagnosed anxiety, the list goes on.

OP posts:
Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 11/06/2024 12:08

You have various choices....
👤ask them to babysit your DC at their own house
👤identify some wee jobs you'd actually apppreciate him helping out with, and ask him nicely to focus on those
👤suggest that he embarks on some kind of practical project with your DC - eg building them a sandpit or treehouse or go kart - he gets to feel useful and they learn some real skills

Original poster
rewarrrrd · 11/06/2024 12:08

OhHelloMiss · 11/06/2024 12:03

How is descaling pointless?

It was fine 😂

OP posts:
TheYearOfSmallThings · 11/06/2024 12:07

I would make him a list! I mean shower heads do need to be descaled and window sills need to be rubbed down and woodwork gets scuffed and grout needs bleaching or redoing...I would love to have someone who enjoys doing all that crap. Harness the energy, I say.

Quitelikeit · 11/06/2024 12:07

Descaling your shower head 🤣🤣🤣

Ofgs men really are useless

just let him crack on - I’m sure he is coming from a place where he is trying to be useful to you guys and stay involved in your lives

take things as they are meant

LadyWiddiothethird · 11/06/2024 12:07

I would hate that! Tell him to ask before he does anything,cannot believe posters think this is acceptable.It’s downright rude.

Nouvellenovel · 11/06/2024 12:07

rewarrrrd · 11/06/2024 12:00

One of the jobs was descaling the shower head.....

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I like to do jobs for the dc as I know they're flat out with work and parenting.
Descaling the shower head would be quite satisfying.
I always tell my dc to tell me if I'm overstepping.
It really is wanting to help in my case.

KarmenPQZ · 11/06/2024 12:06

Omg amazing send him this way. Def done out of love and wanting to be useful I’d say. Maybe you can help him channel his helpfulness with a ‘to do’ list if the intrusiveness bothers you tho?

Tracker1234 · 11/06/2024 12:06

Sorry but you sound a bit up yourself. Would love someone to do this. Do you know how difficult it is to get a reliable handyman. Descaling a shower is not pointless.

Send him over here please. I have a list a mile long....

Timeforanotheraliasnow · 11/06/2024 12:05

I might feel judged for cleaning jobs but general diy and small maintenance jobs gets a 👍 from me. Also if he can safely involve his grandchildren, they'll spend time with him and learn useful skills.

WestEndWindy · 11/06/2024 12:04

My FIL does wee jobs, and very much out of love. He's not a play with the grandkids kind of man so it keeps him busy. I'd make specific requests on what you'd like fixed if you can.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 11/06/2024 12:03

Why do you take it as judging you not judging his son?

Mrsjayy · 11/06/2024 12:03

Fwiw I feel the same about MiLs helping.

OhHelloMiss · 11/06/2024 12:03

How is descaling pointless?

Zombella · 11/06/2024 12:03

Does he have any unmarried sons? Asking for a friend...

GerbilsForever24 · 11/06/2024 12:03

Yup, agree, I think this is about love and not judgement. When my parents babysat DS, mum was largely in charge. Dad was there to do the heavy lifting. So I might well have come home to discover he'd done some weeding or emptied the dishwasher or whatever. Totally normal.

I think lots of parents are fully aware that having small children, especially if you're working means you're not necessarily having time to do all those other silly little jobs - like descaling things. So they don't mind pottering around to get them done for you.

Mrsjayy · 11/06/2024 12:02

rewarrrrd · 11/06/2024 12:00

One of the jobs was descaling the shower head.....

Show quote history

I mean he can come and do mine that's a job most people forget !

TipsyKoala · 11/06/2024 12:01

My dad does the same, he’s just trying to be helpful in a way he knows how. He’s not judging.

Mrsjayy · 11/06/2024 12:01

Upminster12 · 11/06/2024 11:42

YABU, for a man of his generation it's probably the way he naturally shows he cares for you all. Not all men (or women for that matter) are good at playing with young children so this is how he feels he can help them and you best. It's not a comment on the state of your house it's just his way of showing love. Also if you don't want him please send him my way!!

I think this some people men in particular like to feel useful what are the "pointless " jobs ? He doesn't think you are useless with no standards he feels he is helping, if you don't want him helping tell him there is no need or have then babysit at their house, but honestly it isn't a reflection on you or their son.

Original poster
rewarrrrd · 11/06/2024 12:00

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 11/06/2024 11:56

It depends what it is?

Bleaching the sealant around your bath - wouldn't like that, would feel judged.

Relaying a wobbly patio slab - helping

Painting your guest room lime green - nightmare

One of the jobs was descaling the shower head.....

OP posts:
delphinedupont · 11/06/2024 11:59

He won’t be doing it to be judgemental, he’s likely bored of little children especially if mil is mainly in change of looking after them, and is finding things to do. My mum walks into my house and immediately gets the ironing board out, nothing I can do stop her unless I were to hide it and she probably wouldn’t take the hint! Fil would mow the lawn etc. leave them to it, they’re happy to be helping 😁

Summerfreezemakesmedrinkwine · 11/06/2024 11:58

God, babysitting and a handyman, yes please.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 11/06/2024 11:56

It depends what it is?

Bleaching the sealant around your bath - wouldn't like that, would feel judged.

Relaying a wobbly patio slab - helping

Painting your guest room lime green - nightmare

PuttingDownRoots · 11/06/2024 11:55

My PILs do this. Its definitely love! I tend to have a list of stuff to keep FIL out of trouble so he doesn't go fiddling with things we have plans for.

Hinkuy · 11/06/2024 11:53

rewarrrrd · 11/06/2024 11:52

Hardly awful of me. I said thank you and didn't show I was annoyed.

I just haven't grown up in a house where I've ever had any help. It's alien to me.

Honestly, if he's doing it out of love as most people have suggested, that makes me feel loads better about it.

I hate to think he does it out of judgement. But everyone is suggesting that's not the case?

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He's doing it to be nice like a normal person

What jobs were they?