Father in law does jobs around our house when they babysit. I hate it

I'm just going to reiterate what lots have said already on here - this is how a lot of older men express their feelings.

My neighbour works away and while he was gone they had a break in. I went round and helped his partner even though I don't know either of them that well. She was really shaken up and she ended up staying at mine. He's a slightly awkward man, not particularly chatty but since the incident has taken to defrosting my car windscreen in the winter and cleaning my wheelie bins weekly. I see this as classic man love and his way of saying thanks rather than contemplating the other option that my bins are really smelly!

My Dad does this all the time. Honestly I’d rather he do it than I have to spend time doing it/nagging my husband to do it so we can spend time with the kids (we both work full time). They are jobs that need doing and I don’t have time to do them, work and spend time with my kids so something has to give and honestly it’s the jobs. Someone else who has more time than me wants to do them then I’m all for it.

My Dad was a practical man - he always used to come to our house and do jobs. Either I’d have a list of things that needed doing, or he’d find something useful to do - mowing the lawn, weeding the path, washing the dishes. It was his way of showing how much he loved me, and I don’t half miss him now he’s gone. Let your FIL help - I’d say it’s his way of showing affection rather than a judgment.

Difficult to judge here as you don't say what these jobs are. Basically, I think it's sweet of him to help with wee things - you're being a bit harsh in my book.

It’s his love language; acts of service.

You're welcome to her.

It's got nothing to do with love in her case, she's just judgemental as fuck and loves a reason to have a little passive-aggressive dig.

My dad does the same, I am super grateful

Oh bless them. And bless you. When my mum died I had all sorts of aunts helping. Like washing my kettle in the sink....

MIL used to "help". Partly she wanted to feel useful but she was a bit of a cow who was quite open about the fact that she thought I should be doing it all ( like emptying dishwasher when I was rushing around trying to get everyone out the house for school/work). So I let her but I did feel some.of it was passive aggressive. DH gets annoyed when my dad helps out, but my dad really is showing his love and DH is like his mother... kind of mean.

I tend to descale the shower head pretty much wherever I go - friends houses, holiday rentals, hotels...but only while actually in it by rubbing it a bit, I wouldn't pack the viakal for a night's babysitting, that's just a bit...odd?

YABU. Always amazes me when people get so irritated over people showing kindness to them. Be grateful, gracious, and kindly tell him if there’s something you’d rather he did or didn’t do. Why are British people (I am one) so uptight and unable just to be direct with one another?! Unless he’s done something really dreadful, be grateful - you could be on your tod without any child support.

His love language might be acts of service.

OMG I would HATE such intrusion - throwing away food which is thawing, putting up shelves in the wrong room. It’s not only intrusive but it’s stupid behaviour.
Washing and drying dishes then wiping down kitchen surfaces, great. I’d be grateful for that. Anything else suggests they’d be looking for jobs that need to be done because you’d not done them.

Definitely out of love. My dad is very handy but not so good looking after small children. But I loved watching my dad do diy as a young kid, it was always done with love and care for our home. If you can do things and are at a loved ones house and think, do you know what, I will save them a job and do that as i know how to do it. Then I am sure he would have been doing it thinking how much he was helping you and probably feeling very pleased with himself for doing it. As for thinking of activities for small children to do this is probably way out of his sphere of knowledge so hes just helping the way he knows how. I would maybe ask if he has any jobs that your little ones can help with, he might love to teach them to hammer a nail but not know the first thing of what to do with a playdough set for example.

Perhaps give him a list of jobs that he could do that would be really helpful to you Then treat him to something special.

I actually get this. I find it intrusive.
We have security cameras and I've been at work and seen my FIL arrive to our house and go in with random people to do 'odd jobs' or just to show off our house. I get he is proud but feel privacy is violated. We don't know he is planning these things.
He went round one day (don't know what he was doing) but we had rushed 5 kids out the house to head to work and beds weren't made, kids toys on their bedroom floor etc and he was walking round the kids rooms saying 'bombsite' and making their beds and shaking his head.
He also went Into our ensuite and emptied my Sanitary bin of used tampons and pads!!! I was MORTIFIED. I mean mortified. I know he thinks he is helping but I find it very intrusive.
Another time I was sitting in my kitchen drinking a cup of tea whilst double pumping breast milk at 9am one Sunday morning. Dressing gown open. Back of our house has glass walls but our back garden is completely private.
Instead of calling to the front door he walked round to the back?! Seen me in full view with boobs out. I felt so embarrassed. We since put locks on the gates.

Send her round here, she can be as rude and intrusive as she likes if she does free cleaning.

I think it's out of love.

My DF would do this. Fix little things (often with my DS helping), do little jobs. I was always so pleased.

I wish he was here now I've got so much that needs doing ❤️

Jealous!
my dad sits on his phone playing candy crush or checking his horses.

Oh no I do this. My son's cupboard were full of crumbs so while I waited for the kettle to boil I cleaned it, my daughter asked me to taste her chilli. The heavy lid to the pot was loose I got a knife out and screwed the screw to tighten it

I really don't like hugs much at all
yet I don't get offended by hugs and assume they are offered out of malice or unkindness but accept they are intended generally to be displays of affection
if the op really dislikes the acts of service from her FIL perhaps a gentle quiet adult word would be best to highlight she's grateful but that it makes her uncomfortable
Much the same way I let people know I'm not much of a hugger and people do seem to respect it
also you can't compare fixing a broken tap to a hug that invades personal space and requires a level of consent and agreement from both parties

really have to make myself see the good

My DF was like this, so much so that I'd keep a list to jobs for him to do. As your DC get a bit older, they may enjoy 'helping' Grandad

As I got older, I learned lots from my father about house maintenance which has stood me in very very good stead indeed. It was also very easy to talk to him while we were engaged in a task. Some of my fondest memories of him are of time spent with him while we did things around the house.

It's all good.

Think you’re coming off as ungrateful here op. I’d love if any odd jobs got done without me even asking that sounds amazing. Kids don’t need 100 helicopter parenting attention so as long as he’s keeping an eye on the kids and doing what needs done I think that’s a brilliant role model for your children who will soon enough want to help out. I want to know exactly all the jobs tho as it’s hard to give an opinion when the jobs are very vague or you’re just giving them one at a time. I’d just appreciate it and accept it’s how he is and be grateful

Yanbu.

My mother does this, she'll come for a visit and spend half the time fucking cleaning or folding up my fucking pants.

It's rude and intrusive.

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