Father in law does jobs around our house when they babysit. I hate it

I mean if you find them over stepping can they babysit at their house. Or get your husband to tell him that there is no jobs needing done?

I would hate that! Tell him to ask before he does anything,cannot believe posters think this is acceptable.It’s downright rude.

Yeah it could be rude if he stripped the wall paper and redecorated it his taste. However sorting out a wonky washer on a tap or tightening up a door handle is helpful.
We have a list of small jobs that probably would only take 5 mins to fo but somehow we haven't hot round to fixing. If someone like OP's fil fixed them while doing something else I would be grateful.

@Itsallsostressful but it’s not their house. What degree of family would this be acceptable for, third cousin twice removed! If someone doesn’t want it happening it is not helpful.

But it's not a friend it's family. He's making himself useful or feel useful 👍

For those saying it is lovely would you go into a friend’s bathroom and start descaling the shower?

I think when people do this they should ask first. Interesting when many MILs do the same it can be seen as judgemental or interfering but when a man does it, it is because he obviously finds babysitting boring or he is doing it out of love.

If my MIL had done it, it would be partially being helpful but partly judgmental as would often comment on the slackness of housekeeping in our house! When she stayed at BIL she would turn up with a bottle of bleach! When FIL stated they used to give him a list as he was good at DIY, so ended up doing the same with MIL

I understand you completely @rewarrrrd
Threads like this show that that people generally fall into "love it" or "hate it" camps. And those of us in the "hate it" camp get told how horrible and ungrateful we are.
My view is that it's common curtesy to check before doing something in someone else's home.
I am also very probably autistic and have an autistic dd so that may well be factor.
Maybe there are more ND people in the "hate it" camp. Maybe not.
Either way, it saddens me that people who leap to criticise, seem unable to consider the possibility that people can have a different reaction to them without it being wrong. No judgement is needed.

My dad's like this, but that's more because my DP just doesn't bother much with DIY, find it embarrassing that someone else has to do it.

OP - I'm sorry you're getting a hard time. You've acknowledged that perhaps this is a YOU issue and that you're going to try reframe it in your head. Ignore all the subsequent posters telling you how awful you are! :)

My children are much older now and my mum is long gone and my dad is quite elderly now but I do chuckle at how when we go to visit him, he still sees it as his job to make sure there's all the right foods for the family around and he prepares meals etc. He's not brilliant with children (better with teens actually so that's starting to improve again as the DC get older) but he wants to show his love, so this is what he does.

I think it all depends on how he is with you and your husband. If he's nice, civil and friendly, then I'd say this was an act of love.

I would think he thinks he's doing it for his son, though, not you, to save him the bother of doing it. I would imagine he sees this as a man's job and isn't casting judgement on you. Unless your MIL is a great one for descaling showerheads?

I agree, @WestEndWindy It was needlessly cruel.

OP, just ignore the unpleasant comments. Some people just seem to enjoy being rude.

Maybe give him a job next time? He gets to feel useful and helpful and you can control what he’s up to.

Now you are talking regarding ironing. Please please send whoever is doing your free ironing over to me. I was paying a fortune and in the end decided to do myself. Once I have done it and I never do more than 1 hour at a time I feel most smug but I would LOVE someone to do it for me (and better than me!)

I do think it sounds like it is done out of love, rather than judgement. There are many people, particularly older men in my experience, who are not necessarily good at saying “I love you” and so express their love and care via doing practical things.

Well, you know him. Is he a kind and loving person or a superior, judgemental one?

Bless him for babysitting, and trying to be helpful in a way he thinks he can be. It's done out of love, I'm sure. It would likely make him happy if you gave him a list and showed your appeciation for what he did (supporting you as best he knows) even if you think it's pointless.

I remember when DM used to come to look after DS, she would sew on holders for my tea towels and rearrange our sheet cupboard ( a state).
I found it annoying but I know she only wanted to help. As others have said point him in the direction if tasks you actually want done.

My goodness! A man showing his love and kindness and you’re upset and ungrateful? Sheesh!

Agree it's out of love. As long as he's not doing anything particularly in opposition to your wishes.

My FIL used to do this, but doesn't have the physical capability anymore. I miss getting a bunch of DIY accomplished whenever PIL came over!

That's a very harsh response. She has already accepted she's taken it the wrong way.

Why would you batter someone who is showing vulnerability?

My husband does this for my daughter...(she's not his daughter) Lots of wee jobs. He does it because he cares, because he's kind, because we are retired and both she and her husband work really long hours. It's not judgemental. He enjoys it. I met him 6 years ago and he found so many things to do that have really benefitted the house. Her husband is also not good at DIY.