Father in law does jobs around our house when they babysit. I hate it

My MIL cleaned every time she came round, they just came to visit, rather than babysit but I used to feel (maybe irrationally) she was more interested in how clean the sink was or whether there were toys on the floor than actually spending time with us.

I'd clean the house from top to bottom before PIL arrived but she always found sonething to do - a squirt of bleach down the loo, pointlessly re- arrange sone things in the kitchen. Etc. They always bought their own food too, even if I invited them.specifically for a meal. Once I prepared a birthday meal for one of the kids, they arrived late and on the way brought supermarket sandwiches to eat instead of the meal I prepared.
Other people used to say how lucky I found it a bit controlling, and that my house was never good enough or clean enough.....

I understand how you feel, my DM used to do this. She would take all the dirty laundry to her house to wash without saying anything, or even rearrange drawers in my bedroom. I'm sure the motivations were positive but it can feel very intrusive. I think this is how some people show care, maybe they don't know any other ways.

I've found asking for help with specific jobs is a good solution, giving me control over what's done and allowing my parents to help out and show love

Absolutely it's my take. All family's are different and there's no right or wrong so if OP doesn't like it she doesn't like it.

It's a generational thing - my parents are always doing jobs at mine - whether I think they need doing or not - unused to get pissy about it like it was a judgement on my standards but now I take it in the spirit it's given - in years it's their way of trying to make my life easier by having one less job to do

My mum used to wash up when babysitting. We loved it! I think he's just being kind, some jobs can take a while to get too so he's doing it so you can not worry.

@notacooldad doesn't mean you can’t help, but do something that the other person wants helping with not what you think they need helping with

I read a quote once that said something like 'unrequested help isn't help, it's helping yourself' and it's stuck with me.

It doesn't matter whether it's family or friends. If the OP doesn't like it in her house she's entitled to not like it. There's nothing much more to say.
That's your take on things.
We as a family, take the ' many hands make light work' approach and help each other out.

I mean, I literally said it is my issue, but thanks for making sure you gave me a good kicking too 🙄

I read a quote once that said something like 'unrequested help isn't help, it's helping yourself' and it's stuck with me.

It doesn't matter whether it's family or friends. If the OP doesn't like it in her house she's entitled to not like it. There's nothing much more to say.

The overstepping comment isn't just from my perspective. My bil's wife literally won't speak to them after a few goings on

I see OP.
@crumblingschools was just trying to pull me up on that.

I would feel judged if my MIL or FIL descaled my shower head! I would hate that.

Ooh I'll take your mil please. Hate ironing and wish I had someone who'd come and do mine😂

I miss the days when my dad used to bring his tools on every visit. He just wanted to be helpful and he liked that the kids were fascinated by what he could show them. The last job he did for us was taking down the glass light fittings and getting the kids to help him get them sparkly - totally unnecessary, a quick swipe with a duster would've done. But it was thoughtful and bought him the company of his favourite people.

YABU.

There are two issues here - one is the fact that you find it intrusive - he could be doing it out of love and wanting to ease your burden?

Secondly, you have said in subsequent posts that you don't know whether he is doing it out of judgement or love. I feel like that should be fairly obvious in the way he goes about things or speak with you.

Yeah, I hate it when my mum comes round to look after the kids and then ends up doing the washing up etc. Mainly because I feel like I ought to be on top of things and not need my mum to help when I am in my 40's. It's definitely a my perception issue though. I am apparently never going to be grown up enough to have a tidy house.

I would say those of us saying it could be judgmental have suffered at the hands of judgemental family. I would always ask first before doing something in someone else’s home (family or otherwise)

That’s a good job- more housework than DIY. Don’t think it’s any judgment, just sounds like he doesn’t like sitting about.

Family can still be rude! When does helping become intrusive. There have been many threads on here where MIl has reironed clothes because obviously the DIL can’t iron shirts properly, rearranged cupboards/drawers, moved furniture, ruined clothes by washing in too hot wash,....
But that's not the point of ops post. She seems to be talking about small jobs that never get round to being fixed.

@crumblingschools
@notacooldad OP has said they have history of overstepping*
She also said she never had anyone helping her before.
She has said she didn't realise that it was a way of showing love from some people and now has a different perspective on it.

YABU - that's a really sweet thing for him to do. He's only trying to help make your life easier, its nothing pointed at you. I'd give my right arm for a father in law like that - instead I got a one armed alcoholic we won't let near our kids, so you could be worse off 😂