Father in law does jobs around our house when they babysit. I hate it

He sounds lovely. YABU.

@Gymmum82 do you take your husband’s feelings into account? I assume it is house too.

@notacooldad I have taught DC not to leave the house empty if the tumble dryer, washing machine or dishwasher are on so would not be impressed if someone came into our house and left one of those appliances on when they went back out again. Doesn’t matter if they were family and were helping. Having seen the after effects of an appliance fire we became more cautious

Do they live in your area @rewarrrrd ? Maybe they don’t know what’s available to do locally with kids while babysitting. Maybe you could suggest a few “ if it’s nice later would you like to take the children to the play park, we just didn’t have time at the weekend”, or “ my neighbour said the ducks in the river have ducklings, if you were thinking of taking a walk”. Or suggest jobs they could do with the children, like washing their bikes, planting up some herbs in a pot ( visit to the garden centre? Always a winner) . Do they babysit often? Buy them National trust membership so they can take the kids out, but also use it themselves.

My mum cleans my house when she babysits. My husband HATES it. I absolutely love it. My dad does jobs. I’ll quite often leave him a list now. They are both potterers and enjoy keeping busy and I love the help

@rewarrrrd , people show their love and care in different ways. If you not want him to do it tell him alternatively you could tell him what would be helpful. ☺️

Free babysitting and a handyman?! You’re incredibly lucky.
it’s done from love on both counts

I think I understand how you feel - my mother in law used to drive me mad insisting that she brings food for us, tidying up the kitchen while I was out and things. My parents wouldn’t dream of doing anything unless they’d talked to me beforehand, so was really unused to it. I now see it as her actively loving me, her son and her grandson-and am very grateful for a pair of hands! Have also got better at being clear when i don’t want her doing things for us. Hope you find a way to feel comfortable with it, for all of you

Is he a potterer? I love pottering and get most of my household jobs done that way. He’s probably enjoying himself and thinks he’s helping. Leave him be is my advice

@rewarrrrd maybe when I was younger I would have been insulted. But now I'd just be grateful for the help as it's really hard to keep on top of everything yourself and also if the children watch him when they're older then they'll learn how to do things

Omg send him my way, it never gets bloody clean!

Could I get his business card please?

Loool he descales your shower head??? Wow what a terrible man.

In all seriousness I'll happily adopt him as a grandparent.

How is that pointless!? You sound so rude op.

"Hey, MN, my FIL comes round to our house and does some jobs like descaling without being asked, and I'm not sure how I feel about it."

"OMG, classic narcissistic traits!"

Only on MN. 🙄

@crumblingschools
why do you go to somebody's house if they are not in? Is the laundry more important than actually seeing your relative? Do they have to wait until the washing machine/tumble dryer has finished before they leave?,
So many questions indeed!😄
Ds used to work round the corner from where we live but he lived 6 miles away. Often he would go out with his dad after work for a dog walk. Although Ds and dh finish work at the same time dh works 40 mins away. So ds would be in our home alone.
Sometimes he would swing by if he was meeting his friends who live local to uslater on and it was easier to come to ours than go all the way home to come back to go back home.

I often start work at 12 or 2pm. I put the washing machine and dish washer on before I go out and dh would unload it and sort the laundry out when he came home. If ds happened to be in, he would do it for us. I suppose it's habits he got into from being a teenager when he lived at home.
It's not like we specifically put washing on if in case a random child of ours happened to drop in.

I think perhaps these things are the issue, rather than your father-in-law descaling your shower head.

Your father-in-law is basically a classic dad type who likes pottering about and doing little jobs to help people. My dad is exactly like this. It's not meant as a judgement on you or your home. He's just thinking "Oh, while I'm here I'll do a few bits to help them out, that'll save them the bother". Honestly, it's not a criticism of you. My guess is also that your MIL does the bulk of the babysitting effort while they're at your house, and that FIL feels like he should contribute some sort of help as well, and little DIY/household things are the arena he feels most capable in.

Once my parents came to stay at Christmas and when I got up on Boxing Day morning, I went into the kitchen and found a tape measure, a pencil graph patterned notebook with some plans drawn in them. My dad has problems sleeping and he'd got up in the night and measured up my kitchen for some space-saving shelving he thought I needed.

(To be fair, it was great shelving and a brilliant idea, but it did mean we spent part of Boxing Day at B&Q.)

If you are asking them to babysit then I think it's unkind to be thinking so negatively about them. If you are comfortable enough to have them in your house looking after your kids then it seems mean to consider the Dad doing DIY so negatively.

My husband visits my sons house twice a week as his car charger is there and he charges his car

he will often weed the driveway

the other day he noticed that the a few wall plugs were not screwed in properly and were lose so when he want up next time he had come with the screws to fix them

one time they mentioned that the toilet seat was wonky but it just needed some sealant on it which he fixed for them

My son and his partner haven’t long moved in to their house and they work long hours and it’s things they need to get done but just don’t have the time

my husband is retired so he has plenty of time to do it for them . if they are having parcels that need to be signed for he will pop up and wait for them

They don’t mind one bit

They know that he isn’t interfering in fact they have him a key .
I don’t even have a key and he’s my son 😂but he’s been my sons stepfather for 25 years and treats him like his own son .

We both gave them massive amounts of help when they bought their house this year

I paid for all the carpets shutters & ablinds and gave them 2k in cash to buy stuff like a fridge freeezer
I gave them a budget & told them to pick what carpets & shutters they wanted and I would pay for it

One of my friends said I was interfering and going to much but her parents have never given her any help so I think that’s why she said that

@notacooldad why do you go to somebody's house if they are not in? Is the laundry more important than actually seeing your relative? Do they have to wait until the washing machine/tumble dryer has finished before they leave?

@Itsallsostressful why do parents get a get out of jail free card to come into their adult DC’s homes and start doing things they think their DC want doing? Does it go the other way and adult DC can rearrange their parents house etc?
I already stated In an earlier post that, yes, it does work the other way round.
I said Ds will call round and if we are not in he'll put some laundry in empty the dish washer or peg the washing.
Ds does same as well but I've told him never to put stuff in the dryer unless it's been a towels or dark heavy wash.

DPs came for lunch once a month and DF always brought his toolbox as tjete was always something to fix and DH is useless at DIY. Miss him.

@WestEndWindy but if she wasn’t struggling and was happy in her home, would you do that?

I am forever tidying my mum's house and making her chuck stuff out because she really struggles and it's not good for her. I wouldn't dream of doing that with anyone else.

Im with you OP, I would hate this.

@Italianita just don’t be overbearing.

My MIL really struggled at first to not treat her son’s houses as extension of hers. Because they couldn’t possibly be capable of looking after their own home. So would criticise absolutely everything she wouldn’t have in her house, and bleached everything to an inch of its life as that was her cleaning routine.

She even criticised things my parents had given us or I had inherited from other relatives.

I would not dream to have gone to her house and tell it was soulless as she had nothing personal on show (the telephone even had to go in a cupboard) or bring a bottle of bleach with me.

Luckily, she has now accepted her ‘babies’ are now grown ups (now they are in their 50s) and are perfectly capable of deciding what they want in their houses