Father in law does jobs around our house when they babysit. I hate it

What's hard to understand about it?

You talked about being mostly left alone since you were 1-4 years old, then said "I just haven't grown up in a house where I've ever had any help. It's alien to me".

I was just struck by how you see a very young child being taken care of/parented (i.e. a normal experience which should be taken for granted) as the child being granted "help". It's just an odd way of thinking to me. Very few children can manage on their own (and turn out normal). It's not help – it's just growing up normally, being taken care of and fussed over (to a certain extent), no?

My f’n’lsw used to do this sort of thing. I would visit and find my shoes cleaned and polished and at the door by the end of the visit. Or he would come over and I would find him taking leaves in the garden.
its definately your f’n’laws way of showing love.
my f’n’law passed and I miss him and his random acts of kindness - I think it’s very thoughtful to try and help people we love

YABU, he means well and I guess if you don’t like it ask your DH to have a word.

I haven’t done mine once in twelve years!

Can you send him round to my house

My dad is like this. I have a wonderful relationship with him, and also know his 'fixing' comes from a good place.

I used to come home to my borders being weeded and edges done. It was his way of being loving and helping me. My mum would cook me meals, dad would fix or sort something.

No snide comments from OP's FIL

Blimey, I wish a relative would rock up here doing some DIY.

My parents look after the kids once a week and my dad is always tinkering away at the house. Whether that’s repainting an area of the wall which has stains, fixing a loose handle or emptying the bins. He’s just doing it because that’s their way of showing they care and he clearly can’t sit still either. TBH it’s brilliant, but I do feel a little bit ashamed/guilty that we haven’t gone on with it and he’s ending up doing it all….so I know where you are coming from and the feeling of losing a bit of independence.

Enjoy the free handyman around the house and be glad you don’t have to do those odd jobs.

OP my dad does this, he can’t help himself, always has done. He’ll mow the lawn that doesn’t really need it, fill our cars with windscreen wash, the tasks can feel so pointless but as so many have said it’s all out of love and just his way of showing he cares and trying to help.
If I ever have something that actually needs doing these days I just mention it in his earshot and it’s sorted within the week 🤣 use it to your advantage!!! I’ve had the entire downstairs repainted haha.

I fully understand where you are coming from OP. My MIL used to clean (my house may not be the tidiest but it is clean) or drop snide comments when she came round. I did and still do take it personally it’s like what I do isn’t good enough. Unfortunately I snapped and I told her if it wasn’t good maybe she have taught her son how to clean etc
Things are better now as I have come to think of it as she just wants to feel needed so I ask her to do the jobs I hate. She does rub it in my face that she had to help but it’s easier than the snide comments.

@diddl that is my opinion. Just ask. DS is currently at university. Need to sort out his room at home but I wouldn’t decide what needs sorting.

Did the overnight vikal aswell as soak in vinger will try a professional one as yoi said now. though live in Ireland and have to see what la avaliable. vikal hard to get now since brexit
live in a high lime area and it's a pain. we even have a water filter but it still gets through thanks a mil

@Wexone

‘Please tell me how he did it ? Trying everything and its not working’

have you left it overnight in a bowl of Viakal to soak? Then do it with a hard toothbrush or one of the little scrubbing brushes. If it’s really bad, Tool station sell a professional d’escalier which is super strong ( rubber gloves) . Then
you need to do it once a month.

I know that this is not the point of the thread, and @crumblingschools will probably come along and diagnose me with some character disability, but I thought you might find it useful. 🤐

I think it would be nice to be asked.

I also wonder how much it is about the person doing it.

They really can't just sit & relax & have a chat with their son/dil & make a fuss of their GC?

Depends on context, my in laws tried to do stuff from a sort of bad tempered, arnt they useless pov but my df helped from a kind genuine pic

How is that even relevant? 🤣 I wouldn't touch my mum's underwear with a barge pole but she'd (I assume) happily wash mine. She loves me! It's a good happy thing to be loved

@Runsyd

Perhaps not the colour I would have chosen but they made a good job of it and Dad was happy!!!
Mind you, we once went on holiday together and he painted the garden furniture of the cottage we rented, god knows what the owners thought!

My goodness. A poster asking a reasonable question and showing her own vulnerability then class at taking things on board and you're kicking her when down. Sheesh!

@WestEndWindy if you are dictating what someone has in their own space I wouldn’t say it was coming from a place of love

Back in the 90s when the raggedy hems were popular on jeans my mother ironed my daughters jeans and very carefully hemmed them for her 🤣

Yeah my stepdad ( although mum divorced him) always likes to help when visiting. So I mention if something needs doing and he happily does it and I make him a cuppa and lunch after

My tip is to make a note on your phone or to do pad of little jobs as you think of them then when he comes, or you know they are coming, mention the dripping tap, mouldy grout etc (that way he'll bring the right tools. Don't feel judged! My mum has done many a batch of ironing, washed curtains and cushions, sorted cupboards etc whilst overnight babysitting, I miss that era (dc are grown up)

My mother used to do my ironing for me when I was working. She actually liked ironing 🤔
I have a pile of ironing to do that’s been there 6 weeks but the funny thing is I did my daughters ironing at the week-end when I was there.
Now I’m retired mine can be left for another day/week/month 😊