Father in law does jobs around our house when they babysit. I hate it

He can pass judgement all he likes at my house - if he gets jobs done then that’s fantastic! Thanks for the help!

i read this as totally done from love and no judgement. He’s just helping you do those periodic maintenance jobs that make the house run that bit more smoothly. Some people’s love language is acts of service.

This is completely a sign of love. So lap it up! He loves you and his family 😀

send him round to mine - he can judge me all he wants as he fixes things. I'll cook him whatever he enjoys eating while he does it.

Sorry, just reread & see that they were babysitting not visiting.

How does your husband feel about it?

My DF used to do this at our house and my DH thought it was really strange. As he’s got the older and frailer, he doesn’t do them anymore, and we both really miss it!! It was never intended as a criticism on us, just a way my dad could help us out, plus he enjoyed fixing things.

As I grew up my Dad was always around but I don't recall ever really having a conversation. As a young adult, the first time i drove home he greeted me at the door then went into the garden and i stayed talking to Mum. It really pissed me off but that was the way he was. When I went to leave, my car had been hosed down. That became our routine, I'd arrive, be ignored and drive home in a clean car. My mum and aunt told me that was how he showed love. I think your FIL sounds great OP and I think most people remember very well how hard it is to stay on top of things when children are young and he wants to help. As a PPs says maybe make him a list, he might be delighted with the guidance.

I really wish I had someone like your FIL. So many jobs needing doing here that don't get done because I don't have anyone to help and can't do it on my own. My dad used to help but stopped driving. It would be my dream to have your problem!

I'd love to descale a shower head. I did mine the other day and it was a satisfying 20mins.

I think some people like to feel useful. My mum came over and pruned some lavender bushes last week - she can't leave a brown wheelie bin unfilled.

I think your fil would quite like a list to work from.

Do you know what "up yourself" means?

Cos your post reads like you really don't know what it means.

He’ll also be really bored and be one of those that has to be busy tinkering so he’s filling the day in, in a way he thinks is useful to you.

His boredom isn't Op's problem though.

Neither is it up to decide what is useful to Op.

Honestly, if he's that bored why does he bother to go?

I wonder how he would feel if someone did odd jobs in his house or if he does it when visiting friends?

I think it's really rude to visit & just piss off looking for stuff to do because you can't be "bored" for an hour or two at someone else's house.

Tbh I would be very happily if my ILs wanted to do anything else than having that odd obsession to hold and feed newborn baby as "helping".
I started telling them what I need help with but they did not like it lol.

My dad loves working around the house. As idiotic as that saying is but acts of service are his "love language". It's a blessing!

My husband flew up to canada for 5 days about 2 months ago.. He was only going to the consulate there for some paperwork, but flights turned out cheaper for the 5 days. . Our daughter (who has a husband and herself who can be handy but both working long long hours) Was soooo thrilled to see her dad. And then she handed him a daddydo list (kind of like a hunnydo..but worse because cannot say no..at least her dad cannot.) He fixed the garage door opener that had gone on fritz.. He rehung 2 kitchen cabinet doors. He put a new sink in her basement bathroom. He also caulked around all the windows ( on his on merit..as he said that too much cold would get in over winter) . He came home here exhausted. I asked if he could figure out why the outside tap was not working. He looked at me like I had two heads lol..and called the maintenance guy that we have used. Men. (but awesome father and husband so just really being lighthearted) Take the help OP unless he is intruding in your personal space .. If he is just fixing a few things, he is trying to show his love

YANBU, I’d ask if I wanted your help. But if you want to feel better about it I left my dad keys to feed my cat whilst we were on holiday and his (very new girlfriend) ‘sorted out’ my entire wardrobe!! It was a state I’ll admit but that felt so intrusive. God knows what was lurking in there!! I had to fake appreciation but inside I was thinking fuck youuuu!

You don't know that they were in the playroom, do you? If it were my toddler, he'd be fascinated watching grandpa and would have a lovely time "helping" him.

My Dad would have done this, it would definitely have been his way of showing me he loved me. He found it harder to interact with the children, but as they grew up, they became interested in what he was doing and developed a relationship through this love of mending things. My dad is no longer with us, but my youngest now wants to be a joiner due to the care and attention my dad showed him in developing a manual skill. I will always be grateful for that ❤️.

OP I really love how you've explained your feelings and changed your view, in the light of reassurance from other posters that FIL's actions come from a loving place. And batted away some pretty harsh judgements to boot!

Good on ya, and may you have many happy years of letting your elderly Brownie (sorry, if you weren't one this won't mean anything😄) get on with those little jobs!

I’m with you, OP - I mean, it’s nice that he’s willing and able to help, but to just go poking around your house looking for things to do is really overstepping!

I agree with PPs who suggested talking to him about it - suggesting some things you wouldn’t mind him helping with (or leaving a subtly placed ‘to do’ list stuck to your fridge if you can’t bear a face to face chat about it 😆)

As many other posters have said, it's how a lot of men from this generation show they care!! Just think what you need doing, I love it when DFiL mends our fence/puts shelves up/paints things (especially cause DH doesn't take after him LOL)

oh well yes that's different....also the can only talk to the women thing....I would not be having with that.

I still look at the shelf my late FIL put up in the wall 8yrs ago and remember him fondly.

I could have written this a few years ago! My FIL would come over to babysit and then I’d find the dishes had been washed- as well as grateful I was worried he’d think I’m dirty and my house isn’t “looked after”. Or if he took my rubbish out I’d wonder if he thought the house smelt or it should have been taken out sooner. My parents always helped me but not with housework. I realised this is my FIL’s love language and now I frequently ask him to take the dog for a walk or fix things my husband has been putting off. I’m glad PP’s have managed to change your mind OP. Now enjoy it and get that list ready.

He will love your DCs but probably is from a generation that never cared for his own DCs hands on and won’t have a clue. He’ll also be really bored and be one of those that has to be busy tinkering so he’s filling the day in, in a way he thinks is useful to you.
Get a list of stuff for him to do next time, when your DCs are older they’ll love following him about with hammers and nails fixing stuff and then he’ll really interact with them